Was talking to an old friend and ex-colleague of mine about his 6 year old daughter …

Me: She’s very pretty.
Him: *sigh* She’s only in pre-school and she thinks she has boyfriends already.
Me: Hahah! You think you’ve got problems now, wait till she goes through puberty.
Him: You have to say that, didn’t you? Can’t you let me eat my lunch in peace? Now I’m totally stressed out.
Me: Hahah. Sorry man.

Marcus is a fan of …

• Getting all jealous when your crush talks to someone of your gender … even when they are old like your grandpa.
• Scratching your butt when you pee.
• Walking the long way just so you can walk behind that hot chick just a little bit longer.
• Looking down at your food and chewing really slowly because you see someone that you don’t want to talk to walking towards you.
• Thinking your dog smells fine when everyone else doesn’t.
• Shazaming songs and if that doesn’t work, googling the lyrics.
• Putting on earphones when you have to do a #2 in a public toilet so that you don’t have to listen to the embarrassing noises and worry about how loud and echo-y the place is.
• That fake lemon smell in car fresheners.
• Silently mouthing the words to WTF. You just did it, didn’t you?
• Giving the finger to the computer. With both hands. And moving them up and down.
• Cracking your fingers three times because twice just isn’t satisfying enough.
• Making that stupid face when you’re trimming your nose hair.
• If it smells ok, you can still wear it.
• If it’s yellow, let it mellow. I’m helping save water, assholes!
• Staring at your own blog, thinking how great it is.

As I was mucking around on the computer the other day, my mother walked up behind me and said rather matter-of-factly, “hmm, there’s a hole here” whilst poking down on the top of my head. Noooooo!

“Didn’t you say that it wasn’t that big?!”

“I said it wasn’t that big but there’s a spot there. On the good side, your hair is very dark. I don’t see any grey at all. My hair started to grey when I was in my late 20s. You are taking after your father then. His hair is still very dark.”

“Yeah but he’s bald. When did he start balding?”

“Hmm, in his mid 30s?”

“…. I’m in my mid 30s, mom.”

“Well then …”

Heh. So I know my hairline is very high up, and it looks like it’s receding but it’s been like that for a while. Given a choice between a hairline that is creeping up and a bald spot developing on the top of my head, I’d rather have a receding hairline because then I can look like Agent Smith …

But that’s probably not gonna happen and I’m probably gonna lose hair in 2 directions. I hope I have a good looking skull.

He’s the 28-year old vice-captain of the Australian cricket team. She’s a 22-year old model most famous for that widely-panned “Where The Bloody Hell Are You?” Australian tourism campaign (see above) and for cavorting with a married football player. They were engaged to be married.

Then a topless photo of her when she was 19 surfaced in the news, courtesy of Brendan Fevola, the married football player she was involved with at the time.

ABC Sport – Bingle sues Fevola over nude photo.

So in the midst of all this, Michael Clarke decided to leave the Australian cricket team which was due to play in New Zealand and flew back to Australia to deal with it. The engagement is now off.

SMH – Cracks showing long before Bingle debacle.

SMH – Innings over for Bingle and Clarke.

And here’s why he’s a dope. By up and leaving the Australian cricket team in a lurch, he’s basically shown to team management that he cannot be counted on to place the team as his top priority. He can kiss being captain of the team goodbye. Not to say that one should always place one’s career above family and relationships but it doesn’t exactly place confidence in his ability to focus on what he’s being paid a tremendous amount of money for.

So he’s jeapordised his career advancement for a woman whose problems are mostly brought on by herself. If it was an unfortunate accident or a family crisis which demanded that Michael be by Lara’s side then I’m sure most of us and Cricket Australia will understand. But this? Not so much. She’s a big distraction to him and the team.

If the Tiger Woods story did not hammer it down already, the fact is that as long as there’s rich and powerful men, there will always be women like Lara Bingle. If Michael Clarke likes the blonde leggy types, I’m sure there are a lot of them willing to throw themselves at him. Love? Please.

But the one thing that Michael Clarke is not a dope at is with protecting his assets. Although he’s bought her a $200,000 engagement ring and a $250,000 Aston Martin amongst other expensive gifts, his properties and financial assets are all in his own name.

Lara Bingle has ‘no claim’ on Michael Clarke’s millions – legal experts | Adelaide Now.

So Michael Clarke, for that you get a pass.

(Youtube)

So this guy moves into town and notices that all of the womenfolk are hot. There’s a catch, of course. There’s always one.

(via Tokyomango)

MaugiArt @ flickr

The saying goes that there are “plenty of fish in the sea” so why obsess over one? As logical as that sounds though, your brain isn’t always logical is it? Chemicals in our brains play havoc with our logic and conspire against our common sense.

We fall for people who are not suitable, who are not available, who manipulate us, and we hurt ourselves more often than not because we are foolhardy with our emotions. But we can’t help ourselves because we can’t help liking the person that we like. You don’t want plenty of fish in the ocean – you don’t care that there are plenty of fish, you just want the one and only one. Only that single person can make you happy. Or so you thought at the time.

You may catch that fish. But you may not, and the pain and the frustration and emotional roller-coaster that you go through because you can’t catch the fish that you really want can really mess you up.

And I don’t think it matters how many times you go through it, your emotions will still get the better of your logic most of the time. It’s all chemical, innit? But if you are lucky like me, you learn from that one big crush that did not go your way, and learn to cope with it much better.

The roller-coaster rides last much shorter and you comprehend that there are really plenty of fish in the sea. In other words, with age comes maturity, patience and wisdom. Or so I would like to think.

myjon @ flickr

The single guy sees sex in almost any situation. He can get a sudden impulse from a slight brush of female flesh, innocent or otherwise, a whiff of a perfume, the sight of a hot chick and even the sound of her voice.

A sudden horny thought can lead to an avalanche of more horny thoughts and before you know it, you are sitting down a bit longer than you have to and you’ve just missed your stop. Fuuu …

The degree of horny-ness that affects the single guy depends on how often he deals with his sexual frustrations. If he doesn’t want to be driven mad by his impure thoughts, he’s got to drive those impure thoughts elsewhere and this is where porn and masturbation comes in.

So it goes without saying that the single guy consumes a lot of porn. In lieu of one-night stands and paying for it, we use porn to release (hur hur hur) our sexual frustrations. By not letting our sexual frustrations overwhelm us, it allows us to be clearer in the head. We are not as easily fooled or manipulated by the power of sex that women wield so effectively and seductively. Growl.

That’s my logic and rationale for being a porn fiend. At least I’m being honest about it, right?