Love & My Parents’ Generation


August 19, 2005 12:01 AM

One of my mom’s sisters and her husband is currently visiting from KL. Last night, my parents, another one of mom’s sisters and her husband, the visitors plus me had dinner at a Chinese restaurant.

Because I’m the only “kid” on the table, the conversation inevitably veered towards my marital status (not married) and why I’m so choosy. I said, “No lah, where got choosy. Standards very low already!” Then I suddenly thought “why cannot be choosy, marriage is forever one leh!” I just don’t believe in getting married for the sake of getting married and then ending up hating and divorcing each other.

After a while of talking about me, the “adults” soon started talking about how it was like when they were young. Can I just say it now – they are so much more romantic than the current generation. Really put us to shame. One of the uncles on the table wrote my aunty once every week whilst being away in Australia studying, even though she may just reply him sporadically. Another would save up money for 2 weeks so that he can hire a car for one night to take my other aunty out dancing.

Then there’s the nobility and honour. The same uncle that saved up to hire the car, didn’t want to give it up to some pai-kia who wanted to hire the car as well and got beaten up for it. My mom gave up a boyfriend she had really loved because his ex-girlfriend threatened suicide if he didn’t go back to her. He couldn’t choose so mom made the decision for him by leaving. Man, it was all so dramatic. Like scenes from a soap opera.

Plus they believe in being married for life too. And divorce is not an option that they’d take lightly unlike ppl now. They believe in working things out and sticking it through.


Nowadays where got like that one?! We are all creatures of instant gratification. Guys who chase after girls are more than likely to have an attitude of ai-lai-mai-suak (no? f**k it then!). I have that attitude. I don’t have patience and I don’t believe in persistence. Maybe that’s why I’m single.

Not that it didn’t happen before but it is more prevalent now that financial aspects as much as love (sometimes more) will determine if a girl will agree to marriage. Go ask your mother if your dad’s income at the time factored more than anything else and I bet that the answer would be in the negative.

And the stigma to being divorced is now long gone. If problems occur, ppl are no longer willing to stick it out. What for? “Life is short and I’m looking out for myself” is what ppl’d say. In my circle of friends, I know of 3 divorced couples. The whole attitude can be summed up thus:

Marry? Ok! Breakup? Ok! Divorce? Ok! Marry again? Ok!

Did this all come about due to our faster pace of life? When did love become so disposable and recyclable?

13 thoughts on “Love & My Parents’ Generation

  1. Vandice

    One reason. The relentless chase for the dollar has made us that much more amoral, that much more busier, and that much more calloused. Just like pretty much everything we use nowadays – buy and throw away.

    People then used to love people and use things. Mebbe we are becoming the generation that love things and use people.

    Reply
  2. ~*Starryluvly*~

    man this is a depressing post. You’re so right about this generation being creatures of instant gratification. We all want the romance stories, but we don’t want to put any effort into it at all.

    Maybe its not just because of the fact that we are more money driven. Maybe it is coupled with the fact that we’re surrounded with so much technology – that we’ve become so used to getting things done quick and easy, that we try to extend that to our personal lives too. If it takes too much effort, we just won’t do it.

    Reply
  3. mooiness

    starry: yup we are being spoilt by modern conveniences. Instant results, minimal effort and where everything can be had for a price. So if something is too hard, we don’t “waste ” time and effort – we just move on. And if we can buy it, we probably will.

    I try not to live like that. However on the one hand I do believe that life should not be a struggle if I can help it. So where does that leave me? 😉

    Reply
  4. honeypot

    Well,when you find the one made for you, you won’t ai-lai-mai-suak anymore.
    Slowly take your time..what I used to tell relatives is that I will never ever get married, so please prepare to shower me with ang pows forever..:0.That’ll shut them up.
    But really drama those old-skool people..my parents met in a swimming pool..:)

    Reply
  5. Anonymous

    It was romantic then because there wasn’t much you can do but date and watch movies.

    Kids now has more gadgets more things to do than in the 60’s. Xbox, PS2’s, rave clubs, 60+ channels, internet even cars now are much faster and more exciting to drive than in the 50’s? So why do you need to get married early? 🙂 Though seriously Marc, your getting old so please start thinking of settling down lor! 🙂

    Manila

    Reply
  6. Heavenly Sword

    Great post 🙂 I think this part is especially true – “financial aspects as much as love (sometimes more) will determine if a girl will agree to marriage.” – especially in Singapore, because we need enough CPF/cash to pay for the HDB flat… 🙁

    Reply
  7. mooiness

    heavenly sword: yup it definitely applies in Singapore. And relatedly, I’ve heard of ppl getting married there just so that they can register for a flat, instead of being truly ready for marriage. They are pressured into it and then they realised that they didn’t really want to marry each other at all.

    Reply
  8. Pingback: Mooiness! » Happiness from having less choices

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