So I was out last night/today. After a few sips of my first beer of the night, the first burp happened. And it hit me – I shouldn’t have had fried garlic oil with my mom’s pork porridge tonight. Like that, how to talk to girls? Aiii ….

In any case I’ve violated one of the rules …

Rules For Single Guys Before Going Out

  1. Shower and groom. Brush your teeth and floss. Trim nose hair. To be sure, blow nose a couple of times and trim those that stubbornly stick out. If got ear hair, you’re on your own.
  2. If you feel even the slightest urge, go do a number 2. Even if you are running late, just GET IT OUT. It’s better than having to do it in a filthy pub/club toilet or worse – sh*t in your pants accidentally from waiting too long for an available stall.
  3. No foods of strong odour, eg. garlic, onions, celery.
  4. No foods that induce gas, eg. beans, asparagus, dairy products, cabbage.
  5. No curries – see #2, #3, #4.
  6. “Flush the pipes” – if you haven’t ‘released’ in a while, do the five-finger shuffle. If you don’t see the need for this, then either you have great self-control and will-power (email me your techniques) or you are having a lot of sex (I hate you already, GO AWAY).
  7. Be prepared for all eventualities. Vacumm the back seat of your car, have clean sheets on your bed, make sure your bathroom is not filthy and of course: “If it’s not on, it’s not on”. For overseas readers, that was an Australian government slogan encouraging the use of condoms.

Have I missed out any? :P

Oh btw, I went out for this. A lot of deep house/tech/tribal which was hard to get into if you weren’t drunk or high on something. I was neither and I left early. Tomorrow/tonight is another night.