Why “When Harry Met Sally” is timeless
Harry: Would you like to have dinner? Just friends?
Sally: I thought you don’t believe men and women could be friends.
Harry: When did I say that?
Sally: On the ride to New York.
Harry: No, no, no, I never said that….Yes, that’s right, they can’t be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other people, then they can. This is an amendment to the earlier rule. If the two people are in relationships, the pressure of possible involvement is lifted….
That doesn’t work either, because what happens then is - the person you are involved with can’t understand why you need to be friends with the person you are just friends with. Like it means something is missing from the relationship and why do you have to go outside to get it. And when you say, “No, no, no, it’s not true. Nothing is missing from the relationship”, the person you are involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you are just friends with, which you probably are.
I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let’s face it. Which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment, which is - men and women can’t be friends.
12 Responses to “Why “When Harry Met Sally” is timeless”
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Haha you should check out the ‘ladder theory’ on why guys and girls can’t be friends..
Ah yes the good old ladder theory. Seen it a few times before already.
Essentially what Harry says in the movie is true - they weren’t really friends because he always liked her. And they got together in the end, so that’s proof enough.
NEver let your SO be friends with members of the opposite sex then?
sourrain: depends on the person and the amount of trust you have in him/her. Personally I wouldn’t mind if my SO mixes around with guy friends. However the same trust would not be had with her guy friends - if I sniff something suspicious with a particular guy friend I’d give her the benefit of the doubt but I may drop a small word or two with the guy.
In the end, it’s all a matter of faith. I’d treat my SO right and basically not create an atmosphere for a 3rd party to cause a breakup. I’d trust her to do the right thing though at the same time I’d maintain a mild suspicion of guy friends.
this is the reason why I have gay male friends. I have had straight male friends in the past (and still do) but things can get complicated. partners get jealous, one person might have feelings for the other that aren’t reciprocated, or the two friends might hook up and then things get weird. gay friends are great: they can check out guys with you, go shopping with you, and there’s no chance they’ll ever hit on you!
girlstar7: unfortunately that’s true. A guy may start out just enjoying a girl’s company and her friendship but feelings may grow, while she still treats him as a friend etc. etc. For a girl to have a guy friend, it’s sometimes a hit and miss thing - if a guy develops feelings, you can pretty much say bye-bye to the friendship.
Am not saying that’s always the case. I myself am friends with a married friend whom I had the biggest crush on and her husband is ok with me too. However most guys cannot reconcile (or “wind back”) their feelings.
You are right about gay friends. There’s definitely no sexual tension there, unless the gay friend turns out to be bi - that’s a whole different can of worms altogether.
Can we just agree that male-female relationships are v.complicated?
It is possible to have purely platonic friendships with chicks lah. The lines just need to be clearly drawn, that’s all. You have to lay the ground rules early on. Like, “If we were the last man and woman on earth and the repopulation of the human species depended on us, we still wouldn’t fuck” sort of thing. This is a self-calibrating measure, because women being the petty creatures that they are, most of them would storm off after you say shit like that. When you do find the special few who can take it, though, you know you’ve found a friend.
adrian: *clap clap* I concede that point.
I agree - set the lines clear and straight from the get-go. It is the rare cases where something can be salvaged after someone’s feelings are not reciprocated. I’m one of those rare cases but I know in most situations, that’s the end of the so-called friendship.
Men & Women can be friends. I always hang out with one of my married friends and his wife doesn’t mind at all. Or maybe it’s because we’re of diff race and religion that’s why she don’t see me as a threat?? hehehe…
goddess eneri: hmm good point. perhaps so.
I have just been reading the ladder theory. one section in it says a guy can be friends with a girl in one of 3 circumstances:
a) he is gay
b) he is just not attracted to the girl
c) he already has someone better
so I kind of agree with this. I think men and women CAN be friends provided there is just no sexual attraction. maybe neither of the people are each others types at all. or maybe both are taken with someone that IS more their type. of course, the gay situation was mentioned before.
so providing there is no sexual attraction, it is possible. but unfortunately sexual attraction does often get in the way (I know numerous of my male friends have tried to hit on me while drunk)
girlstar7: ahah. There you go. Though the ladder theory is wide generalisation, some of its theories hold water. And you’re right about the drunk thing, know how they say: a drunk man says what a sober man thinks?