This woman by the name of Dio blogs about a NYT article that theorizes that “woman marry up, and men marry down”. In general that is.
To clearly put across my stand on this, first a little bit of personal info. I’m a short guy at 5′4″ (164cm) but I wouldn’t mind a taller woman. In fact I’ve dated a girl who’s 5′7″ (170cm) before. Though it was only once and I have a theory of my own and that is: I as a short person do not mind a taller woman, but women usually prefer men who are taller than them.
Therefore the same theory sorta explains the one at the top which is that woman usually marry a man at least equal or above themselves as far as social and career statuses are concerned. And my stand on this is similar to the height thing: I really wouldn’t mind it at all if my partner earns more than me. In fact I’d love it.
Why? Does it not demean me as a male you ask? On the contrary it boosts my ego because it bucks the conventional thought. What is so special about this man that a woman is willing to go the “opposite”? Well that’s how I’d feel anyway.
But alas I believe that women who would go the opposite are a rarity. Just look around you. It’s true. Then again we are speaking logically, and sometimes “love” overrides logic. 
19 Responses to “Marry up or down?”
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I do date men who are of a lower social status/career ladder than me, but I must admit, it IS hard. Obviously I would love to be showered with suprises, little gifts and the usual wining and dining plus the weekly drink till you drop sessions. The more-than-occasional trips are essential for my well being, and the guy’s gotta be able to afford that, at least pay for himself if not me.
But, earning less money than me means that it is impossible to afford the lifestyle that I am used to. Being chauffered around in a beemer is anytime better than shuttling in a train. The analogy I always use is going from using shu uemura to biore products.
At the end of the day, as long as the girl has it in her to maintain her own lifestyle alone, there should be no issues dating someone who earns less.Of course, the option of turning into a housewife is not available if she wants to maintain her lifestyle.
I think at the end of the day, all women are seeking for security. Bigger and more money always seems to equal to security, but I have found it out the hard way that it is not always true.
Sometimes you seek, but you will not find. My criteria for guys I date were 5ft10 and above. Now I am dating someone who is 5ft7.Go figure.
What nonsense did I just comment…it does not make sense..hahaha
Aiya, love is blind like marcus said.Tall,short,blue,green…all also same.
sourrain: in other words, you can overlook somethings (money, career etc.) for a while but without love to go along with it - it’s hard work. That I agree.
Thank you for sorting my thoughts out..hehe
“Women who would go the opposite are a rarity”…but back in my parents’ or grandparents’ time, I dont think such “marrying up or down” theory actually exist…!
I was also once told by an auntie (when i was young) that I must marry someone who “loves me more than I love him”..she never mention about the up or down bit leh…hehe…..
Anyway, personally, I surely would chose “love” over “money/status” anytime. That’s me anyway
jjj: of course the theory exists! But like I said, it’s only in general but you can’t deny that it doesn’t happen. Haven’t we seen enough of those drama serials to know that a man insist that his daughter marries a rich and influencial family rather than a nobody?
And although we live in more enlightened times, it still happens. Sometimes it’s also men’s fault: some can’t accept a wife who earns more than himself.
Me? I’m easy.
Haha….yeah..if you put it that way, it’s very true indeed….
That might also partly explains why so many Chinese parents want their sons/daughters to study medicine or law at Uni hor…!!
Dr X tai tai….hahaha…
I must admit, I do prefer to date guys that are at least a few years older and significantly taller (although I am only 5′3″). while I don’t care what background a guy comes from or school he went to etc. I do prefer to date guys that are relatively ambitious, have good career prospects etc. however, that being said, you can’t help who you fall for. you never know, I could fall for a short guy who is younger than me and earns less! I’m not counting it out!
jjj: Har? So it’s something like “Chan yee-sarhg tai-tai” ???
girlstar7: I absolutely agree with you on all your points, including the caveat which is that sometimes emotions overrule what you think you want and need.
aiya…so deep mr mooi, it hurts. you really hit the right twang in my heart strings. is it correct to presume that you are without love at the moment that you dare to wear your heart on your sleeve and share with ther other lonely hearts out here in 0101 land?tis admirable how honest you are, yet allow yourself to be vulnerable at the mercy of bitter others. buck away!!!!be gone conventions!!mr mooi is ready and open for business.
I think dating vertically-challenged guys these days are fairly common. My sis married a man not only shorter than her, but younger than her by 4 years old - she broke all the rules there.
Marry a Rock.
Rock is the best.
It has no feelings, no expectations, no mouth, no complaints.
mr e: you assumed correct. I’m single but I’m not sad leh, don’t get me wrong.
Am merely stating the “convention”. And I’m not in a hurry.
lynne: oi I can handle the word “short” lah. Heh. As for your sis, like I said when you love, what you thought you wanted gets thrown out the window.
BM: true but would it reciprocate though?
Hey, thanks for commenting on my blog! And I applaud you for your self-confidence =)
Anyway, re your love vs logic point, I think a deeper issue all these studies have raised is the question of love itself. Is love really illogical, or are human hearts more cold-blooded than we’d like to think?
dio: Not a problem that was an insightful piece you wrote. I like the drunk match-making bit too.
Re: love, I’d say some can be completely calculating and cold, while some are hopelessly romantic, and the rest of us are somewhere in the middle.
I tower over Boo and I love him because he’s so compact and cute.
Opposite attracts:)
When there’s love, there’s no rules at all.
yc: 100% agree.
Hey, my “vertically-challenged” was not directed at you lah … I am just being politically correct lor, in the US mah!
lynne: ok loh! Hehe.