I’m more cranky than usual today. I wish I could respond to queries like this …

My computer is slow.
Maybe it is you who’s slow.

The Internet is slow.
Do you complain to your mechanic when you’re stuck in traffic?!

How come I haven’t received any new emails today?
Maybe because you are not popular.

Woops.
What do you mean “woops”?
When was the last time you backed up your stuff?
…! *starts sobbing*
Just kidding.

Hey you got a minute …?
Nope, ran out. Better luck next time.