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Five kinds of tech support calls you don’t want to receive:

  1. You know the shift key? No no, the right one. Yes. The key on its left, that’s the backslash key. Yes. Ok so now type in “http”, colon, double backslash … Sorry? Where’s the double backslash key?

  2. The dollar sign? You know, US dollars? Yeah yeah the symbol. Yes type it in. Erm, press shift and “4″.

  3. Ok right-click on the icon. Right-click. You know how you are clicking normally with your index finger? That’s a left-click. You want to right-click with your erm … *whispers to me* … what’s that finger you right-click with? (Me: I dunno.) Ok you know the finger next to your pinkie? Press down on the mouse with it. Ok that’s a right-click.

  4. Open up a new browser window. What’s a browser? You know the screen showing Google? Yes yes the one showing the “Internet”. Open up a new window by clicking on “File – New Window”. Yes you are allowed to see more than one Internet.

  5. There should be an icon on your desktop that looks like a picture frame. Close all of your windows and look at your desktop. Tell me what do you see. Sorry, you see a pile of papers but no picture frame? Erm. Ok how about the other desktop? The one on your computer screen?

My colleague got all of that in *one* call. True story.