Imagine this if you are a girl:
- Your boyfriend tells you that you can only go out alone with a set list of guys (there’s a list!).
- He tells you that you can only receive or make calls to the same list of guys.
- He also tells you that you *will* be where and when he wants you to be.
All this knowing that you have many guy friends whom you always go out with.
I just had drinks with a girl whose boyfriend is exactly like that. And wow, I’m on that list along with one other guy. Gees, I guess I should feel thankful? Seriously, what the f*ck!? And the only reason that I’m on his approved list is because I’ve known the girl way before they’ve even met.
She had been asking me why I haven’t been calling her. And I said to her, “Are you kidding me?! You know exactly why. And even though I’m on his list of *approved* callers, I’m still not calling you. Who knows what the jealous psycho might end up doing?!”
And I also told her, “You know what, don’t complain about him to me anymore. I can’t help you if you want to stay with him. If you feel that you are happy with him, then fine. Nothing that anyone else say will matter anyway.”
“You don’t see what the rest of us see.” I don’t know why girls put up with these men. And I really have no idea how insecure men like these snag a girl while I’m still single?! Not that I mind being single or am desperate but you know what I mean!
Seriously? Love is blind. And jealousy is a big ol’ green-eyed monster.
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21 Responses to “Love and jealousy”
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Aug 25 2006 / 9:17 pm
nan ren pu huai,nu ren pu ai
my repetitive mandrain getting better eh?
Seriously, sometimes girls don’t think they are good enough,thus end up with assholes.Some girls thinks its ‘cute’ how some gilababi men are possesive.I have a very close friend whom Ive known for close to 10 years.I have seen her go through countless relationships,every single one of them like what you’ve described above.
When we go out for our rare catchup session (just me and her,no him),he would call:
1. When she arrives in my house
2. When we arrive at the restaurant
3. When we are halfway through
4. When we are leaving the restaurant
5. When she arrives at my place to drop me off
6. when she arrives homeLike wtf?
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Aug 25 2006 / 9:29 pm
i thought i had a possessive ex. i had a good friend who has had a string of guys like that too. and i don’t understand why she puts up with it. secretly, i think she likes feeling so wanted and so possessed. possibly stems from low self-esteem?
only they know. just like women who stay with abusive partners. only they know…
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Aug 25 2006 / 9:36 pm
it’s not jealousy. it’s not being possesive… it’s psychotic! and it doesn’t take a genius see that it’s abusive! come on!
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Aug 26 2006 / 12:05 am
this is bad, the bf is so processive!!!
love also must have freedom mah!!
i enjoyed some, but alway kena deep questionings!
whereas i dun like to ask too much questions and dun get detailed answers but answers that are not kinda of answers!!
this is bad for me!
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Aug 26 2006 / 1:41 am
I had a friend who had a boyfriend like that. I tried to ask them to be understanding to each other, but lost it eventually and told her to let him go.
But she couldn’t. Sometimes the female is trapped, because if she breaks up with the guy, he’ll probably ruin his entire life yada yada. !@#@$@$ Guys like that should grow a spine and two balls down there.
Also, some girls just stay in relationships like that because they’re already so emotionally dependant on the guy that it will be hard to leave. That one cannot help until she realises that she can do better and that whether he can live or not without her is his problem.
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Aug 26 2006 / 1:55 am
insecure controlling bastards + insecure stupid women = !@!@#$@!#$@&*&**&*#@$#!!!
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Aug 26 2006 / 4:30 am
There was this very convincing skit an activist group put up for our health class … jealous lovers almost always (99.99%) of the time, turn into abusive partners. It’s all about control and isolation.
Your friends better get her out before anything happens.
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Aug 26 2006 / 11:09 am
sourrain: oh man, constant checks on her whereabouts? The first 2 weeks it’d be cute. After that, that’s just borderline psychotic behaviour.
lisha: hmm good point about the low self esteem. They feel that they can’t get a better man because they don’t believe that they can.
sharon: heh it is obvious isn’t it? But we are *outsiders* - those directly involved can never quite see it the way we do.
Leonard: I believe trust is important. I pity those who can’t trust because they are also driving themselves insane.
cynical-idealist: ah emotionally dependent. True that. Like a crutch when they don’t realise that they never needed a crutch to begin with. At least not one that comes with just horrendous side effects.
herman: double jeopardy! Heh.
john: hmm, sounds logical. Don’t worry, at least I’m still on the “allow to call” list. If anything happens, I’m sure I’ll know.
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Aug 26 2006 / 1:58 pm
some examples of behaviour of guys some of my friends have gone out with:
- one friend of mine was going out with a guy who lived in the same state but a few hours away. anyway, this guy moved to a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT STATE without telling his girlfriend. she still wouldn’t let him go, instead she bought a plane ticket to fly up and see him. he treated her like crap the whole time, and soon after she returned, found out he was seeing someone else and had been cheating on her the whole time.
- another friend of mine went out with a guy who constantly told her she was putting on weight, told her that her clothes didn’t look good enough, her job wasn’t good enough etc. he was allowed to flirt with everything in a skirt but if she got a call from another guy, he’d crack the shits.
I can think of numerous other examples of these guys and others, but just don’t have time to write it all down. both these girls stayed with these guys for very long periods of time, long past the relationship use-by date.
unfortunately many girls do end up in unhealthy relationships where they love (or say they love) these guys who treat them like shit. they are so emotionally involved, they can’t see these guys for who they really are, they are blinded by love/lust or whatever.
meanwhile there are lots of great single guys (like you) out there asking, ‘why am I single whilst these assholes get to date all the hot chicks?’ you should read the ladder theory, explains it all haha -
Aug 26 2006 / 4:50 pm
girlstar7: is it me or are women more prone to being stuck in dysfunctional relationships than men? Your list of examples goes towards cementing that thought.
And I know about the ladder theory and I also know about the danger of being classified into the “friend” zone and never coming out of it.
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Aug 26 2006 / 10:14 pm
Emotional dependency. It takes time to snap out of it, that is, if one allows oneself to even step away for a while.
They say, love is blind. How true.
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Aug 28 2006 / 8:43 am
well, i wasnt complaint leh.. but just went to the conversation with you guy. i think i am damn scare to communicate with you now is about relationship. when a girl talk about boyfriend to other GUY friends. they mostly wont say how good the boyfriend is, but how bad the boyfriend treated them. it is just a nature thing happen to “us” girls/women. one thing to share: when a girl is compaining doeasnt mean that she is not happy ( or maybe she is), something girls are too demanding.
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Aug 28 2006 / 8:46 am
wendy: hehe we can’t help but form a judgement about the guy if you mostly tell us the bad stuff. And especially if it’s the same bad stuff repeatedly.
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Apr 07 2007 / 5:44 pm
ok i know this happened a while ago, so I am very outdated..
but still. I really have to say this. what your friend (or ex friend) wendy said, does NOT make sense. at all. talking about bad stuff does not equate complaining? when a girl talk about her boyfriend to other guys it’s about how bad the boyfriend treats her? (??!!) it’s a nature thing?! what nonsense. I get a feeling she does not know what she is talking about in the first place. You cannot help help such ppl bcos they do not know what they want in the first place. Sheesh.And I’ve said so many good things about my bf to my friends that they are ready to sock me to shut me up. Hahahahahah!
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Apr 07 2007 / 6:11 pm
Rachel: hahah a vote of confidence is worth the same, no matter how late. Thanks for the support!
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Apr 10 2008 / 9:38 pm
ok so my bf is jealous, controlling, possessive, angry and suicidal. besides that he treat me, at time really nice bt lately he is really annoying. i wwant to break up with him bt like i said he is suicidal. I told his parents but that didn’t help, o yea and he is really committed and wants to get married but cant disagree, verbally. so help
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Apr 10 2008 / 9:45 pm
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Apr 10 2008 / 10:54 pm
Thanks for the quick response, bt i dont want to marry the guy. He has displayed some, like you said ‘dysfunctional’ qualities. i need and want to break up with him, but i don’t really know if he will kill himself.
i would advise my friend to get out of the relationship.
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