Personality vs. Looks - the path to falling in love
A female friend asked me a simple question today:
I realise that I’m not my boyfriend’s “type” when it comes to looks. Even though we are very much in love, I can’t get rid of this nagging feeling that somehow I’m not up to his standards. Is this irrational?
My answer to her was that there are two typical paths to falling in love.
- Physical attraction happens which makes you want to spend time with the other person. Which you do and then you find that their personality is fantastic too. –> LOVE
- There wasn’t any big physical attraction at first but after spending time with each other, you realise that their personality is fantastic. –> LOVE
Bear in mind of course, that there must still be a minimum level of physical attraction involved. Basically the other person must not repulse you physically. 
So going back to the question, does it matter which way the end result (ie. love) was achieved, so long as it was achieved? Personally I do not think so. Love is love right? Why question how you got there?
My answer did not satisfy my friend completely. So I then used a very low-brow analogy…
All car lovers would love to own a Ferrari but most of us will never do. We can afford a more sensible car and we can grow to appreciate and love it. We’d still gawk at a Ferrari when it goes pass us because that’s what car lovers do. In a nutshell, men will always look but it doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate the women whom we are with. Unless of course the “looking” becomes excessive and it creates other problems.
To which, my friend said, “Hmph. Men.” 
What say you?
p.s. Miss Otto has started a love-advice column/blog. Check it out.
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10 Responses to “Personality vs. Looks - the path to falling in love”
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Sep 04 2006 / 8:33 pm
Men. Hmph
You don’t see the majority of women gawking at the man with the nice butt or the cute dimple.
Personally I think it’s just the inane feeling that we are just not pretty/rich/clever enough. But your analogy for the electronics of a man’s brain is quite good! Hahaha
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Sep 04 2006 / 10:51 pm
Did your friend ask her boyfriend what he thinks? Somehow, I doubt he told her that she’s not his “type” (unless this came out in a fight).
It sounds like the problem lies with your friend, rather than with her boyfriend. Without coming across as being too mean, she needs to work on her self-esteem issues and learn to love herself more. It’s all about being confident with one’s looks.
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Sep 04 2006 / 10:53 pm
sourrain: We women do gawk, we just do it more discreetly. That’s one of the reasons why I hit the gym so regularly. *grin*
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Sep 05 2006 / 8:01 am
I like the Ferrari analogy. And although some may disagree (such as sourrain), I think it applies to women as well.
I think I check out guys just as much as the average guy checks out girls. At the gym, at a club, just walking down the street, I will always have a look.
And like most girls, I would love to have a George Clooney/Brad Pitt/Tyson Beckford-lookalike (or whatever male celeb you fancy).
However, odds are I won’t find one. You don’t see too many guys looking like Brad Pitt walking down the street. So of course, I will date a guy who may not be fantastic looking, but has a great personality and I am compatible with.
And although I have a great boyfriend at the moment, I definitely still look. So, yeah, I actually think it’s a myth that women don’t look as much as men; they do, they are probably just more subtle about it.
And to continue your analogy, the “Ferrari’s” are often very high maintenance anyway!! -
Sep 05 2006 / 8:17 am
sourrain: you do look! don’t lie!
I agree - most of time it’s a silly insecurity which requires the man to say nice things to ease it away.
bunnygoeszen: don’t know how it came up but the question is still legit. I’d say that it’s a combination of issues. The man needs to make the woman more self-secure, and the woman needs to compare herself less with others.
girlstar7: kindred spirit!
And yes Ferraris *are* high-maintenance. They are fun to be with but they’d suck you dry. Err yeah, figuratively speaking. Heh. -
Sep 05 2006 / 1:47 pm
My rule of thumb about looks is, if i can stand looking at her face every morning when i woke up, in all her glory without any make-up on, i am satisfied enough alright.
Reporting from downtown KL where all the Malaysian flags are still up and flying.
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Sep 05 2006 / 4:09 pm
Yeah, I do look..don’t go around telling everyone can or not moo?
Hahaha…I remember all that drooling over a kangaroo named roo
hey it rhymes!
That aside,women do love being told sweet nothings.Well,not nothings,but women seems to require more self-validation than men.Maybe its because of the brutal female race to skinny-dom,but then again,my guy mates are racing themselves silly to the gym as well.They are just not that obvious about needing validation.
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Sep 05 2006 / 4:16 pm
Hmm yes, I agree with you that both parties need to play a part.
However, all too often (at least in my experience) it’s the woman who is insecure. Even though the man says he loves her and her body she still feels insecure.
Oh well. Good luck to your friend anyway.
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Sep 05 2006 / 6:22 pm
Tomy: Good rule to live by.
sourrain: yeah I agree about the self-validation. - women seem to need it more than men.
bunnygoeszen: she’s actually ok lah. She’s quite happy go lucky actually. And even if she thinks she’s not all that pretty, she’s a real snappy dresser and I like her style.
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