Depending on the woman, I can be friends with someone who has rejected me. But I definitely cannot be friends with an ex. I’d shed friends who’ve disappointed me one way or another - a break up is no less of a reason to not be friends with someone. No matter who’s right or wrong, there’s no good breakup, no matter how much one can pretend it to be. And in my view, once you’ve gone beyond being friends, how can you just “drop” back one level after? It doesn’t work for me.
I is not sentimental. Not only can’t I be friends with an ex, I don’t keep anything which would remind me of them either. Gifts, gushy love notes, clothing - I give it away or I throw it all out. I make the same surgical cuts from my life when it comes to ex-loves as much as I do to people who’ve outlived my friendship. Perhaps even more so.
It’s a cold and cynical approach but I don’t need baggage to drag me down. And I don’t want baggage to spoil the next relationship that I get into. I think approaching a new relationship with a clean slate is healthier than being all “spoilt goods” about it.
I have remembered the good times and I have moved on. Dwelling on the past ain’t gonna bring back a lost love, unless you are lucky enough to revisit it. Then again, I don’t believe in that either. Ch-yeah, think I will die a cynical old bastard. Rock on.
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17 Responses to “I is not sentimental”
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Nov 28 2006 / 9:26 pm
this is why we are peng yu!
I totally agree with you.No matter how much you ‘pretend’, you can never stay true friends.Ever.
Yes it is baggage.and your next gf/bf wont appreciate that underlying sexual tension in your friendship.Or lack of thereof.
I know alot of girls like to pretend ‘let’s stay friends because is till care for you’. Bullshit I say.If you’re not sure about whether u care for the guy as a friend or more, then don’t start the relationship in the first place
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Nov 28 2006 / 9:29 pm
i wrote a long long comment on how me and you agree on most things therefore we are friends and that no one needs baggage and and girls that say they just wanna be friends are illusional…
then your blog told me i am spamming you.
bleah sien tiao
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Nov 29 2006 / 12:43 am
i’m wondering what inspired this piece… hmmm…
i is not sentimental also i guess… -
Nov 29 2006 / 4:59 am
On the contrary, I’m all for being friends with my ex-es. But only after I’ve completely moved on. That being said, I’m still pretending my ex gf doesn’t exist. Granted, when you go out with them, and happen to catch their eye, there’s just something there..you don’t take them at face value anymore right? Excuse me, I’m going off on tangents here
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Nov 29 2006 / 8:36 am
Sourrain: heheh….I’ve managed to recovered the comments! “I still care for you”. Oh fuck no! I hate that line!
Yes you and I - kindred spirits. I have a few of those amongst my readers. Lucky me!
damion: an ex could be a nice person or not, but what they think or say shouldn’t matter anymore. Ex, remember?
Ash: you mean, even though you try to pretend to be a total stranger, it’s still kinda awkward? I do that too - sometimes I’d spot them far away and I’d take a wide detour.
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Nov 29 2006 / 11:12 am
wish i had your willpower. had tried so many times to just throw all such things out. but everytime before it goes into the bin, i would just go and retrieve it.
agree with the baggage part. maybe i’m just not willing to drop these baggage.
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Nov 29 2006 / 4:34 pm
Normally I am one of your kindred spirits but I happen to disagree with you on this one. I am one of those weirdos who has stayed friends with exes. One ex in particular. We were friends for years before we went out, dated for one year, and then remained friends.
When we first broke up, we tried to be friends but of course it didn’t work. We ended up sleeping together, it brought old feelings back, and it was just too weird. Neither of us could handle hearing about the other one with other people.
However, after a certain amount of time had passed, we tried being friends again. And this time it worked, and 3 years later we are still good friends. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not weekly phone-calls and catch-ups. We speak every couple of months and catch up even less than that, generally for short periods of time. But because we were friends first, we still get along really well, and have heaps to talk about.
Although we may go long periods without contacting each other, I do believe we will be friends for a long time, if not always. I would be happy to attend his wedding
And another difference bw me and you: I IS sentimental. Although I don’t keep them where my current bf can see, I still have kept all my photos of ex-bf’s plus presents they have given me and old letters. I can’t bring myself to throw them out; they are a remidner of a part of my life I just can’t erase. But then again, that’s me. I still have b’day cards saying ‘Happy 15th!’ and letters my friends and I wrote to each other in year 9!! -
Nov 29 2006 / 8:20 pm
Last ex: I pretend not to hear when she calls out when she bumps into me, give mono/dual/triple syllaballed replies on chats, not read her blog..etcetc. Ergo, pretending she doesn’t exist.
All other ex-es: I’m friends with them, no qualms ’bout going out for a dinner and drink with them. Just that when I catch their eye, I can’t help but smile in a slight fond way, ya know? I don’t know how to put it exactly right now, but it’s like, hey I know you better than everyone else sitting at the table. Plus, private jokes are still good! And sometimes I swear they grin right back at me.
Ah, crazy little thing called love
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Nov 29 2006 / 8:24 pm
Adrian: well being sentimental has its benefits. Let me know when you figure out what they are. Heheh.
girlstar7: You IS sentimental! Your story is fantastic. I think it helps greatly that you were friends for a while before you went through the whole on-and-off thing, and now good-friends thing. I think that it’s great that you are sentimental. It balances out people like me.
Ash: good on you. Your story makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. Unfortunately for me, I can’t do that. With women who’ve rejected me, it’s possible. With exes, IMpossible.
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Nov 30 2006 / 1:26 am
exactly what i think. there is no point keeping the physical mementoes, unless of cos there is a chance of getting back together.
there is no such thing as a “good” break up, if 2 people can be friends and only friends, then in the first place, both parties would not have gone beyond friendship.there are just too many factors involed in being a couple that friendship cannot accomodate.
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Nov 30 2006 / 7:13 am
Ah… I’m behaving somewhere in the same line of thought as you do too. I think being friends is just awkward most of the times and I know I’d never feel comfortable with an ex ever again as before…
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Nov 30 2006 / 8:26 am
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Nov 30 2006 / 3:34 pm
Reading these posts I certainly am in the minority, staying good friends with an ex. I think exes can remain friends but only in particular circumstances (I mean, if someone cheated on you it might be hard to remain friends afterwards).
And, yes, Mooiness, you’re right I am very sentimental although from meeting me you wouldn’t pick me as the type. I love nothing more than looking through old photos and remembering the good times. I have a jumper I got from my Grandma (who died this year) on my 13th b’day which is too small and completely ragged but I refuse to throw it out. It was my favourite jumper all through my teens, the oldest item in my cupboard and I still love it! It will have it’s tenth b’day early next year
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Nov 30 2006 / 7:30 pm
girlstar7: I think I am capable of throwing everything out except old photographs from my childhood and of my family. Those are priceless.
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Dec 02 2006 / 5:59 am
i think it takes time to be friends with ex-es again. its definately not an overnight thing. you need to give it some time cause when there is a change, people need time to get use to the new change. when you are use to the new change, its nice to know you have 1 more friend =)
p.s. provided if he/she is not a bastard/bitch who did something evil to you before -
Dec 02 2006 / 10:55 am
Bweets and Bove: even if the person wasn’t mean-spirited, I still think that it’s harder for some to simply “be friends again”. But good to know that there are people who can.
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