John* and Lisa* are a couple. Lisa had organised a girls’ night out with her friends, and will stay over at one of her friend’s place after. John thought, “Cool. I’ll organise a boys’ night out then.” He even got Lisa’s OK.
So John and the boys went out for a night of food, sex and debauchery, clubbing and drinking. Good Thai food, great conversations of sexual and dating faux-pas and misdemeanours, eye-candy at the clubs and plenty of alcohol saw to it that the boys had a fantastic time.
Soon (and when I say soon, I mean 7 hours later) it was time to go home. The designated driver of the group dropped a few people home. One of John’s friend who had parked his car at John and Lisa’s place will stay the night. He’s had too much to drink. John thought it was the right thing to do to make sure his friend was ok, and to tuck him into bed in a non-gay way. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Here’s where John got into trouble. You see, he had sorta mentioned to Lisa that he will go to her friend’s place to spend the night with her there or something. Lisa was none too pleased when John called and told her about the change in plans, and he won’t be going over to see her.
It was nearly 4am. She will get to see him in a couple more hours. They live together and they see each other every day. The possibility of one of the boys over-drinking was always a definite one. John had the decency to call to say he’s not going over, and his excuse for not doing so is legit and honourable. Plus he was home. So what’s the big deal?
I’m on John’s side. How about you? 
* not their real names
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32 Responses to “Possibly why I am single #2”
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he wins
Yeah, I don’t think he was in the wrong really. It’s not like he never makes time to see her; they live together. And he was just doing the right thing by his mate. He couldn’t let his mate drive home if he’d been drinking too much. So yeah, I’m probably on his side.
Maybe she was so shitty because she was had been really looking forward to that drunken shag when he came over
I’m on John’s side too. I think the chick is exhibiting psycho clingy behaviour. They see each other every freaking day, what more do you want? It is logical for him to stay at home and look after his friend. The only thing I’d be worried about is whether either party did anything on their respective “girl”/”guys” night out.
Scary. But then I’m biased – I’m a commitmentaphobe =P
i’m with john, too. he called and he’s home. methinks that’s good enough.
hmm…as a woman, i wud think like…”err sian..y lidat?”
but then logically…since it is oredi 4am…will b seeing him soon…nair mind la…
i’ll stand on john’s side.
I’m definitely with John. I don’t understand why some girls are so clingy. No wonder some men are commitment phobia.
Meh.. With John!
From my point of view i think John is doing the right thing and as a woman myself i also disagree why the gf have to be so clingy? haha well maybe that’s y i never acted that way instead it’s the other way round with my ex bf.
But i ever got a case whereby my godbrother? once he got gf he told me he cannot email nor call me anymore cos the GF JEALOUS. Imagine? i mean get real la that time i even got bf so what’s the big deal? sheesh loser i would say
1900-I-vote-John
John wins hands down!
Lisa’s behaving like a twat because John had more fun.
note:Lisa had organised a girls’ night out with her friends, and will stay over at one of her friend’s place after.
Girly night & PJ party? Unless there’s an orgy planned for John, WTF was he needed that night?! Siao.
defintely for John.
its not like he’s sleeping over with some girl or smth. it what a buddy should do!
Aiya.. this kinda thing, don’t need to say already we know John’s right and Lisa’s irrational. Maybe she had too many to drink and cannot think straight
Poor John.
Woohoo. It’s good to see that common sense had prevailed, and that even the girls are on John’s side.
Now the problem is, you wouldn’t know if a girl is clingy or not until *after* you’re going out with her.
I don’t think she was clingy la. I guess she was upset (men rarely see this point) because they had a preexisting agreement and he broke it. But for me, isn’t the point for a girl’s party to get away from the men? If she was to stay overnight at her friend’s place… then he go there for what? If she wanted to spend the night with him, then the girl should just have arranged to go home, not stay over.
Perhaps she wanted to show off him to the girls. Bah.
the problem is that we’ve viewed the story from the point of the of the guy.
the story has been framed that way so naturally we’d all be sympathetic towards the guy.
if it were told from the girl’s POV it’ll be different. I’m sure she’ll have her reasons to be pissed off. eg. the friend’s BF/brother/dad will be there and gives her the creeps, or she’s been organising a threesome with her hot friend as a surprise for him (in this case John is so clearly in the wrong! a real mate won’t mind sleeping on your lawn for such an honorable cause).
“Now the problem is, you wouldn’t know if a girl is clingy or not until *after* you’re going out with her.”
Generally there are warnings signs in the early stages. Being really funny about you talking to/being friends with girls. Getting jealous over silly little things. Wanting to spend ALL her time with you. There are a few red flags, i think, and you can run if you spot them early on….
e.g. i was just seeing this guy, not going out with, and when we were walking down the street if I turned around he would ask, ‘what were you looking at, why’d you turn around?’ Like, hinting I was checking out some guy. And at one stage I caught up reading thru my phone. If a guy is like this when it is just a fling, IMAGINE what he’d be like if you were serious bf and gf. These were red flags to me and I didn’t stick around to find out…
BTW – I meant I caught HIM reading thru my phone, not caught UP
I think we can rest the case here.
Some points to make. Not all girls are clingy, and like girlstar7 say, u won’t know a person bad points until the later stage of relationship.
Question here is, can “John” tolerate “Lisa” behaviour in long term.
the thing is hor.Lisa was staying over at her friends’ house…why she want john there as well is strange.
And john!Why he make plans to drive over to Lisa’s friend’s house to sleep for 4 hours is beyond me.If you know you’re going to be pissed drunk,why wanna make plans summore? And his friend..if he parked his car at john’s place to hopefulyl be able to drive home at 4am – it was already 80% definate that he will be sleeping over.
eh,just playing devil’s advocate since everyone so supportive of john..no fun liao.
rationalneurotic: you make a good point re: breaking the initial agreement, but in life you have to be flexible.
Rob: erm the reasons that you have listed are not valid. Heh.
girlstar7: I know what you are saying but sometimes a person does not show the paranoid/obsessive side of themselves till after. But I agree with ya: if you see those signs early on, RUN.
Lupin: Long term? I don’t think anyone, man or woman who can stand that kinda clinginess. Unnecessary stress you know?
sourrain: ah so your point is that, John should not have made that promise early on. Woohoo, good one. Ok in that case, bad on John.
i tink what girls dislike is fact of promises broken, not the actual reason/act itself.It can be as easy as not putting the laundry in as promised.I think john unconsiously know when he was making the promise already know he wasn’t gonna fufill it.then again, depends on what sort of tantrum did lisa throw.
and i have seen real cases of clingyness – she calls him every 10mins ‘just to check in’.ALL NIGHT.
So lisa is not that bad afterall…
sourrain: I get you about the promises, but I also insist on flexibility. “Probably why I’m single”. But I guess now that you have mentioned it, I would not have made that promise like John did.
I agree with one of the comment, this story comes only from the guy’s POV which obviously favors him.
On the other hand, how upset was the girl? Crying, screaming in anger, refusing to talk to him the next day? Of course this is too much lah and like in your earlier post on why you’re still single (!), not ALL girls are this way
If she however simply tells him that she is not happy with the change in plans and started to question him why, that is not a big deal. I’d do the same and the guy shouldn’t be defensive.
So to me, he shouldn’t think that she is over-reacting (unless if she cried buckets) and he should not expect to change plans without some kind of a reaction. We’re only human.
Oh ya one more possibility gals tend to ask the bf to go with them wherever they are might be becos they scare the bf’s fren got BAD influence on him hahaha
who knows and well might be that or becos she don’t trust him enuff to let him have the freedom all to himself. Well don’t say guys my ex bf all damn suspiscious as well keep calling even when i’m merely going out with gfs.
Susah la if having this type of partner i tell u.
Jewelle: I don’t know what happened the next day hehe. But yes I know not all girls are like that. But even if the reactions may differ by a certain degree, I think all women view agreements/promises differently than a typical man.
Devilish: hahah yeah especially when two of the boys were single. As for jealousy and suspicion, guys and girls can be as bad as each other.
Sometimes it is also the trust thing.. Whether he is really where he said he will be..
Gals also tend to place a lot of importance on promises made. Thus when one broke, the gal will remember it for a long time.
And no point in deciding who’s right or who’s wrong cos real r/s dont work that way. It takes a lot of tolerance and hard work.
Jaschocolate: hmm, trust is the key word there. And sometimes ppl lose sight of the bigger picture. If she was staying home all by herself then I can maybe understand her frustration, but not in this instance.
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Lisa, to her credit did come home… about 5.00am when i was asleep. She then proceeded to deprive me of sleep until 4 o’clock in the afternoon. Her reasoning was that my friend should not have drunk so much and my first priority was her. 3 hours of her talking was enough to ensure next time i won’t come home.
There was no promise of my intentions, rather the statement i may stay home as i will have a possibly drunk mate in need of a place to lay his weary head. And while i’m here i might as well mention that he had just been dumped by his not so pleasant girl.
John: well women and men have different wavelengths about these things. And funny how you should mention about “priorities” because I’ve followed up on that.
http://mooiness.com/2007/02/10/what-no-me-time/
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