The Breast Press


April 13, 2007 8:40 PM
Kid staring at a cute girl's chest
Men are like boys
when it comes to breasts
(via Dumbphotos)

What is the “Breast Press”? It is what I term the act of a woman pressing her jubblies against my body, in particular the elbow and the upper arm. This usually happens when we are sitting or standing next to each other and she leans across to reach for or look at something. Normally this would be considered a cheap thrill for me, especially when it’s cold. *ahem*

However, this is not ok when it is done by female friends or acquaintances. Why? Primarily it is because I’m already in the “friend zone” which means that the chances of us jumping into bed together are slim. When I get a breast press in this situation, my mind and body fights the eternal fight. My body loves it, but my mind hates it because I get aroused and then what? Unless she’s a “friend with benefits” I cannot consummate it, that’s what!

So ladies? Please do not do the breast press on your guy friends. It is cruel and unusual punishment. I know you feel comfortable around them, that you can talk about anything, and that you think that he knows the flirting is harmless. But you are just driving him nuts with the tension and innuendo.

As a perennial single guy I don’t need further reminders about how wonderful the female body feels up close against mine. Don’t rub up against me unless you are willing to go further with it. Mmmkay?

This community announcement has been brought to you by Mooiness. Remember, if you rub up prepare to put out. If you’re not, then don’t. :mrgreen:

10 thoughts on “The Breast Press

  1. van

    OMG HAHAHAH OMGGGGGG!! i have heard this before!! actually it wasnt exactly a breast press but similar consequence. i was a bit drunk and passing out on a male friend’s lap when i snuggled a bit closer (completely not realizing that im pressing up against his um…”manly part” because i mean, hes a totally friend-zone guy) and he starts yelling, “HELLO HELLO!!! UNLESS U WANT TO FEEL SOMETHING GETTING HARD AGAINST UR EAR U BETTER STOP THAT!!!” and i was like “….”

    Hahahhaha, ok marcus, on behalf of all women, i apologize to you. :P

    Reply
  2. girlstar7

    Yes, women can be evil and we can do these things on purpose. although sometimes it can be accidental. I’m a natural DD-cup so I’ve got pretty big boobs obviously and sometimes they do kinda get in the way. Like, if I’m leaning over to reach something and I just happen to lean over a male friend, my boobs might happen to brush him….but it wouldn’t necessarily be on purpose. they are THERE, and sometimes it just happens…

    Reply

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