Everytime you masturbate, God kills a kitten :)

If you are not comfortable reading or talking about the following:

  • Spanking the monkey
  • Cleaning the pipes
  • Flogging the salami
  • Jerkin’ off
  • “Hitting aeroplane” (Cantonese)
  • “Hitting handgun” (Hokkien)

Or …

  • Hello Kitty
  • Flossing the cat
  • Touring Tasmania
  • Jillin’ off
  • Teasing the tuna taco
  • “Grinding tofu” (Cantonese)

In other words, if reading and talking about masturbation offends your sensibilities do not read on. But since you are already here, you might as well stick around. It’s not as if you can un-read what you’ve just read anyway. Hahah! :mrgreen:

So Steph posed the question, “How much masty is too much masty?”

Well, I think if you are experiencing any of the following, then it’s probably too much:

  • You wake up the next morning, and see that 10 kittens have died outside your window.
  • You go blind.
  • You never need to trim or shave your pubes because all that friction just rips the hair out of their roots (thanks Steph!), and as a result …
  • Your pubes transfer from your groin to your palms, thus giving you hairy palms.
Benetton's Masturbate-A-Thon
Benetton’s “Masturbate-A-Thon”

But seriously, I think “how much is too much” is different for everyone. Everyone has different levels of sexual needs. As with anything else, moderation is key. If it doesn’t interfere with the rest of your life, and you are not getting friction burns then I think you can wank away with abandon. :)

For further reading, check out Wikipedia’s entry on masturbation. Also see the following lists of hilarious euphemisms for loving thyself, of which I’ve mentioned some at the top of this post:

Damn. Researching this topic has been too much fun. Now if you’ll excuse me …

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