The one who never was


May 4, 2007 12:08 AM
Handle with care

We had met on the bus through a mutual friend. The three of us would meet up for lunches because we all worked near the same area in the city. After a few weeks, I decided to ask her out.

At the time, I thought she was receptive. I’d ask her out for movies and dinner alone and she’d come. And we always had a lot to talk about. Little did I know I was already in the friend zone.

In between the times that I’d see her alone, we would go out in a group and there was always this other guy there. And even though they didn’t act like a couple, I could see from the way their friends were behaving that there was something more to it.

And I was right. The guy had been pursuing her before I had shown up and apparently she had told him she wasn’t ready yet and to give her some time. He had been waiting patiently for his chance. I think me coming along sorta sped things up a bit – they hooked up not long after.

I was bitter and disappointed. I chose to express it in a passive-aggressive way by writing her an email. In it I told her that I did like her and was sorry that it didn’t go my way; I had wished her all the best, and that I can’t see her “for a while”.

Truth was, I never wanted to see her again. I don’t believe in the “let’s be friends” crap. And I was actually more angry than I had come across in the email. I even deliberately chose a later bus just to avoid her.

In the email, I also told her that maybe she should had said something about the other guy, especially the times when we were out alone together. I told her that I would have gotten the hint and that would have been that. We would have saved each other a lot of time and energy.

She replied back, “I didn’t know you felt that way.” Please. You knew!


Fragile

What I would have preferred was this: if you didn’t like me, don’t agree to go out with me. Or you could have made it obvious that I was strictly a friend. I know you were probably trying to protect my feelings but sooner or later, they were gonna get hurt anyway.

Or maybe you weren’t doing that at all. Maybe you were stringing me along to see which guy you’d end up liking better.

So you were either selfish or indecisive, or worse, both. Call it sour grapes or whatever, in hind sight I’m glad that we didn’t get together. It would have been short-lived anyway. And because we weren’t a couple, I had met her. But that’s a whole different story altogether. ๐Ÿ˜‰

[tags]dating, single life[/tags]

21 thoughts on “The one who never was

  1. sourrain

    aww

    Aherm. I’d admit; girls like to be given the choice. When there are two men, I will usually let it play out until I can make a choice…sometimes its neither.Yah, I suck.

    Reply
  2. mooiness Post author

    jerm: thanks man!

    sourrain: yeah a lot of women are like Meredith Grey. And I wished I could turn the tables for once and be pursued. But it ain’t gonna happen. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Reply
  3. mn

    It’s wanting the best of both worlds and trying to get away with the doey-eyed puppy look. “i reeeally don’t know”

    Sourrain is right, we are such monsters.. sigh.

    Anyway, CHEER UP!

    Reply
  4. Lisa Y

    Yeah, there’s always one that got away. One that – no matter how it will turn out; you hope to have been able to kiss, hold hands or cuddle.

    Being a woman, I have to say though that I’m not surprised that girl did that.

    Hmmm, I don’t mind playing an active part in ‘wooing’. But the last I heard, it will either inflate a man’s ego the size of a zeppelin, make the man less appreciative of the woman or man simply doesn’t like to be actively pursued.

    Reply
  5. LupinTan

    Hahaha, I totally agree with Fredison on the “Nice man finish last” Theory. But would like to add “Nice man finish fine”

    It’s kinda tiring sometime. On one hand, you can’t be that obvious, on the other hand, you can’t be that subtle.

    “I didn’t know you felt that way.” is such a dumbass answers.

    Look ladies, guys will not spend their time on you if there are not interested. Period.

    Reply
  6. mooiness Post author

    charsiew: no doubt.

    mn: this is an old story but thanks for the “cheers”! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Fredison: hahah … damn it to hell!

    Lisa: well I’m in the minority then – I like to be actively pursued. Plus after going through many rejections as all guys would, I wouldn’t act the way some of these girls act because I know how frustrating and hurtful it can be.

    Lupin: I agree with not being too subtle but I am more inclined to be obvious about it – I’m a cut to the chase kinda guy. Don’t wanna waste time. Hah!

    Reply
  7. mf

    u r right on tat –> ‘What I would have preferred was this: if you didn’t like me, don’t agree to go out with me. Or you could have made it obvious that I was strictly a friend. ‘

    anyway cheer up…u wont know wats coming your way, maybe soon ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  8. mooiness Post author

    mf: thanks for the support – this happened in 2001 though! ๐Ÿ™‚

    snowflake: if I was pretty sure about this other guy, which seems so because they got together fairly quickly after I’d showed up, I won’t even contemplate entertaining a second guy because I know how sucky it is for the second guy in the end. So nope.

    Reply
  9. girlstar7

    Hmmm…hate to admit it but I have definitely been in the woman’s position there! So I’ll tell it from a female perspective:
    – you meet a guy who is really nice and you get alogn really well. you’re not really attracted to him but he’s fun to hang out with and you really enjoy being friends. you have a feeling he might be interested but you figure, just because he mgiht have a bit of a crush doesn’t mean he minds being friends, does it?
    WE think: great guy, get along well, like hanging out together but NO attraction = friends. hence the friend zone.
    A lot of the time girls are too nice to say from the start, ‘I just don’t like you in that way.’ It’s a really hard thing to say and you know you’ll be hurting someone’s feelings. I HATE the feeling of having to reject someone straight out. SO I become their friend cause I like hanging out with them. and it’s better than, nothing right?

    Reply
  10. sourrain

    TRUE!I agree with girlstar!

    Shamefully, I would admit to not picking up calls frm guys that I am not interested in, not knowing how to dish out rejection. Sorry loh.I so suck in it. And its especially bad when I LIKE the bloke as a friend..I dont want to lose him thus continue to hang out and give false hope…in the end hurt him and hurt me for ending up without a friend.

    Lucky now I don’t have to dish out rejection anymore, just flash my rings.Phew.

    Reply
  11. mooiness Post author

    girlstar7: well, from the guy’s point of view I’d rather she cut it short from the beginning or made it clear where we stood. It doesn’t even have to be direct. Something like, “You are such a great friend” will do. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Because in the end, the bitterness would just ruin whatever good memories there were.

    sourrain: that sounds like selfish behaviour to me! Like it’s all about what you want. Not picking up calls is good – that’s a good solid negative reinforcement.

    Reply
  12. Xinyi

    heh maybe some people are naturally very friendly with the opposite sex and they see it as no more than harmless flirting? And harmless flirting’s obviously fun, until somebody’s feelings get involved, then it’s not so fun, and no longer harmless =(

    Been in your shoes before. Haiiii

    Reply
  13. steph

    I think she was hedging her bets to an extent. We all know, we all pick up that vibe when someone likes us in a more than friendly way, and she really should have set you straight.

    ((Hugs))

    Reply
  14. mooiness Post author

    Xinyi: I wouldn’t call agreeing to go out one-on-one harmless flirting. It’s pretty obvious when a guy wants when he asks a girl out like that, don’t you think? ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Steph: Thanks! True that about a woman would get the vibe. Though this experience has helped me learn to read women a lot better.

    Reply
  15. Rachel

    Hmmm am feeling ambivalent about this. I have been out with guys who wanted to be platonic friends and all that, then freaked out on me when they were upset about me stringing them on. I was like huh??!! Maybe in that aspect, I too, was not aware that they felt that way.

    I also had dated several guys at a time but they were all aware of it and were dating OTHER women at the same time… same guys dun have issues with this, provided that all parties are upfront about it in the beginning.

    Reply
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