There are three major ways that a guy can be played for a fool. In verbal and in physical ways, and in written forms such as email and text-messaging.
Written
The written form is the one that causes the biggest prat fall. With the written word, a guy has to extract the meaning out of them without the benefit of body language or tone of voice. Being very vague and full of double-meaning, it provides ample wiggle room for the woman, especially when she’s not overtly flirtatious with you in person. At least with physical methods, a guy can be excused for misunderstanding a woman’s intentions if she’s touching or rubbing up against him.
How to deal with it: learn to take everything literally, or with a grain of salt. That is, don’t read too much into it.
Verbal
What appear to be innocuous words can carry a lot of meaning when the guy has feelings for the girl. What would make it a mind fuck would be when the girl knows that and says them anyway. That is when these kinds of conversations happen:
No, I didn’t mean that.
No, you misunderstood.
I didn’t know you’d take it that way.
You thought I was serious?!
Classic phrases used are various forms of subtle requests:
Call me.
Let’s catch up some time.
We should hang out more often.
Or compliments that make you think that she likes you:
Oh, you are so sweet.
You are so nice to me. Why are you single?
Why can’t every guy be like you?
You know you are being played when you stick your neck out and try to take it further with her, and she rebuffs you.
How to deal with it: just like with the written mind-fuck, don’t read too much into it. Talk is cheap unless coupled with action.
Physical
The physical form is the hardest to deal with. Especially if it’s combined with the other two. It’s hard to think straight when she’s touching you, or letting you touch her.
How to deal with it: unless you are desperately aching to be laid, there’s a crude mental exercise to use. Think of the sex that you can *maybe one day* get from her in dollar terms, and then think to yourself is it worth it? Or are you better off getting it from a prostitute? Because that way, you are spared the head games and emotional turmoil.
That in a nutshell, is my approach to the mind-fuck. I think this is one very good reason why people should date extensively so that they would know when they are being played. Even then, there are some guys who never quite gain a healthy sense of cynicism. Some may think cynicism is no good but to me, being an idealist is worse. It just means the person is naive. Woe to those who ends up marrying the person who mind-fucks them, and suffers the head games for as long as the marriage lasts.
Who knows why these girls say and do the things that they do? Perhaps, they like the attention and knowing that they can still pull a guy. Maybe they like using other people to boost their self-esteem issues. Either way, it’s not worth the time and effort trying to understand their motives.
Better to find a well-adjusted woman who don’t play games. You don’t want to be a toy for a dysfunctional woman, right?
“Sugar Blue Burlesque” puts on a weekly show at Library every Friday night, dancing to the tunes of the DJs. Gonna try to get a bunch of my friends and cousins to go watch them.
If you are unfamiliar with the term, burlesque is described by the troupe as:
a type of performance bringing together a sizzling dance style with elaborate vintage costumes, cool retro tunes and a lot of sassy fun!
You might have heard of the biggest star in the burlesque world today: Dita von Teese, who used to be married to Marilyn Manson. That pairing was so odd that it was cool on so many levels.
Also, remember that giant cocktail glass which Beyonce splashed around in, teasing Usher in the video clip for “Naughty Girl“? That’s one common prop in burlesque shows. Though there won’t be one at the show that I’m going to, and there will be no nudity, it should still be fun.
Guys, you all should know this by now. The standard answer to “Do I look fat in this?” should either be a quick, almost reflexive and emphatic “No!”, or a reassuring “I think you look hot”, or a combo of both.
That, plus what you’ve just saw in this ad reinforces this fact: women do not want your truth when it comes to how they look. They want sugar-coated, sweet little white lies.
You know, like that Fleetwood Mac song:
Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies!
(tell me lies, tell me, tell me lies)
You think this sounds like too much work? You think having a girlfriend and free sex on tap comes easy?! You little ingrate! You gotta work for it man!
Last night after the usual warm up at The Deen, Simon, Swee and I checked out the newest nightspot in Perth – Library. Library was once The Church which I had lamented before, had seen better times.
In a nutshell the remodelling work is excellent. The four biggest changes are:
the removal of the elevated dance stage which created more space, improved accessibility and also totally opened up the room. And now there’s a bar where once the DJ would have been – the DJ booth is now upstairs. As a result, the two upstairs areas with its two bars have also been reopened.
a gazebo with seats in the middle of the newly opened up space of what used to be the elevated dance floor – pictured above. It’s a quirky fixture adding to the whole tea-garden, library motif. And it works, I like it very much.
the removal of the front bar and the space being transformed into a roomy lounge.
the complete revamp of the toilets which are now roomier. A very big touch of class was created by the use of a cascading waterfall-type trough wash basin. Quite a few people I met on the night raved about it. Yeah toilets are an important part of the nightclub experience – we do spend quite a bit of time going in and out of them.
Other little touches adding to the whole library theme include faux shelves and books, little chandelier-like crystals hanging off the curved top of the main bar, plush seats and walls, and mounted mirrors.
The music they are now playing is funk and house, and the crowd they are targeting are better dressed and more sophisticated which was evident on the night. And Linda, “our” regular bartender is still working there. Being chums with the bartender is always a good thing.
What was once my favourite club for its trance music has been totally revamped and this old punter highly approves – the place is now added back to my weekly crawls.
At Library, I also met two readers (hi Shane and Brenda!) whom I had a great time chatting with. Thanks for being the icing on my great night out!
Met another person who recognised me from my clubbing highlight clips (available on Youtube and Vimeo, or look through my photos link above). The great thing about being recognised is not that they know who I am but the fact that they liked what I did. And it’s always great to find like-minded strangers. Then again, that’s not that hard since I see these people whilst out clubbing.
The guy’s name is Simon and he’s a scaffolder by day and a DJ by night. We got talking about the gigs that we’ve been to and are going to. We shared opinions: “yeah, GK was better last year”, “I think the Armin gig spoilt the rest of the year for us, how is anything else going to match up to that?!”
We talked about how he prefers spinning with vinyl for the tactile feel but those are expensive at A$20 per single.
We talked about how good music lifts you up, even without the meds. This is something I truly agree with. Ecstasy may be good but it is only truly phenomenal if you don’t even need the stuff in the first place.
Also met a funny guy by the name of Phil whom I’ve seen around the Perth raving scene. Phil’s a Scotsmen in his 30s I think, who has travelled and lived around South-East Asia and professed to me he loves Asian women. And he told me all his girlfriends were Asians.
I said, “What? Even in Scotland?” He said, “Yeah, my ex there was half-Thai, half-Welsh”.
The lucky bastard.
One thing that I have noticed with Asian clubbers is their propensity to stick in the “Asian corner” of the club, and not mix around. Some white clubbers are just as cliquish but at least they circulate themselves, and are more or less friendly and receptive to a smile.
If they were a bit more open and less stand-offish, they’d find that they would meet a lot of interesting people like I do. Then again, maybe they don’t want to meet other people when they are out – I notice this in particular the Asians who are couples. Their loss.
Links and PersonalThursday, 25 October 2007 11:36 pm
If this is your first time here, let me introduce myself: Marcus Ooi, clubber. I like house and trance. I go to clubs and I go to raves. I don’t really know any moves but I’ve had random strangers come up to me before and said that I look good dancing.
I think it’s because I’m good at feeling the beat and following the rhythm. The rest just comes naturally. I can’t do fancy stuff with my feet – sometimes, something wicked would happen but I wouldn’t be consistent with it. I’d be like, “Hey! That was cool …. oh shit, I can’t do it anymore” and I’d lose my rhythm and then I’d quickly do a spin or a stupid hand movement to get out of it. Hah!
So what I’m mostly good at is my upper body movement. A lot of it is projecting an illusion – faking walking or running movements with your arm, swinging your head around or bopping it up and down, and occasionally drop your shoulder and alternate. Turns your palms up or down, and point here and there. If you can move your neck like a Bollywood dancer, throw that in as well. Mix it all up and keep up with the beat and almost anyone can look good doing it.
Lately I thought I might improve my feet movement. I decided to look up the Melbourne Shuffle. I’ve actually seen people do it before but I never knew that that was what it was called, until I saw it on Youtube recently. Here’s a great clip showing the basics (4:00).
Here’s the same dude doing it to some music (2:27). I move my arms, head and shoulders pretty much the same way but I can’t move my feet as good as he does.
Here’s him again doing some funky hand movements (8:18). Stay till the end for “The Bus Driver” – it’s hilarious.
I like what he says at one point here (2:42). Paraphrasing it: if you are having fun and got the rhythm, who cares if your steps are correct or not, or if you look good doing it. Be silly and have a good time.
So I’ll be practicing the Melbourne Shuffle the next few months, preparing for Paul van Dyk’s gig in December. It’s a good way to keep the weight off too. Woohoo.
Remember that Dove ad called “Evolution” where you see a model being done up, her hair teased in umpteen different ways, her face painted and blushed and highlighted, and then you see her photo being touched up in Photoshop until she doesn’t even look anything like how she was at the beginning? Here’s a reminder.
They’ve done a new one called “Onslaught” and the video goes like this: you see a young girl, then you see flashing images of what a typical woman gets bombarded with every day. Images of fashion, beauty and dieting; false and exaggerated images. Then you see what women do to themselves to live up to those images, perpetuating a vicious cycle. Then you see the young girl once more.
The tag line is excellent. I shall leave it to you to watch it.
