A female friend said that cheating of any kind, whether it be physical or emotional are equally bad. Not that I condone cheating but I think differently. I believe that the occasional cheating of the physical kind, as a form of relief or because he can’t get it at home, with a prostitute is the lesser of two evils. The other evil being a mistress that he sees very often. I’m sure that at least some women would agree with me: better that he eats take-away occasionally than him preferring to eat someone else’s cooking exclusively.
Because if the problem is purely sexual then it can at least be overcome, provided both are willing to change and are still attracted to each other. Ignoring financial and family reasons, I strongly believe that sexual dissatisfaction is grounds for a break up or at least a separation. Either those or the man cheats. It’s not fair to expect the man to just forgo sex, unless he chooses so willingly for the sake of the relationship.
Then there’s another avenue of relief for men which I feel is unfairly stigmatised and that is porn. Men grew up with porn, that’s an undeniable fact. To us, there’s always been two kinds of sex - with a real women or without. When it’s without, it’s almost always with the aid of porn. Just because we are now with you, a real life woman, it doesn’t mean we’d abandon porn completely. And just because we like porn, it doesn’t mean we like doing it with you less. If it is, then it’s a problem.
If the sex life is satisfactory, and you just happen to stumble upon his stash of porn in the closet or on his computer (why are you snooping on his computer?!), don’t make a big deal out of it. If you make him feel guilty about it, then he’s just going to feel repressed. And repressed men are resentful. And on the totem pole of all things bad, I’m sure porn ranks lower than going to a prostitute or having a mistress right? Let him has his porn!
Anyways, I guess I should conclude this series of semi-coherent thoughts about sex here. So what am I trying to say? I’m saying that the sexual game is a complex one and there’s no black and white. Sometimes men are jerks who want their cake and eat it too, and sometimes women over-analyse things even when things are going ok.
And I guess I’m also saying this: my perfect woman has an open-mind regarding my collection of porn. I’m not asking for a lot, am I? 
18 Responses to “All things sex and porn”
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you are so dead!! better erase this entry asap!!!
hahahah! why?! I don’t have a wife or a girlfriend to answer to anyway!
ah..sometimes in a r/s its all about compromising.
if you cannot beat them (in this case stop men from porn), you can join them (watch it wit them)!
ROFL
I think porn is fine as long as the relationship with his partner does not suffer in any way. I don’t believe in keeping my man on a tight leash. Like you said, it’ll lead to resentment.
I don’t mind if a guy has porn too much. Most guys seem to have it especially nowdays that it’s more readily available with the internet and everything. I don’t mind a bit of porn but I find sometimes it’s too explicit and shows things in a bit too much detail. I mean, is seeing a gynacological close=up of a girl really a turn-on?! Anyway, I digress. Porn is cool as long as he’s not completely addicted to it. But fucking a prostitute? NO FUCKING WAY!! He’d be out the door faster than you can say, ‘keep it in your pants.’ I’d MUCH rather him be jerking off to porn if we had a dry patch. And if you have kids together, the sex won’t be as regular as it used to be. Do you really expect every time there’s a bit of a drought that it’s cool for him to go pay for it down the road?!
joey: now that’d be an awesome woman to have a relationship with!
blur ting: yeah exactly, all things in balance of course. but I know of some women who thinks that watching porn and having sex with them are mutually exclusive.
girlstar7: no of course I don’t condone a man running off to a pro every time the wife doesn’t feel like it. My point with that was that I feel it is a lesser evil than a mistress because at least there’s no emotional connection as well. But as you had agree, there is a more ethical relief to a sexual drought between a couple, and that’s porn.
There are not Perfect Woman, lest to say man.
“let him has his porn!!” hahaha.
I don’t think emotional adultery is a big deal, don’t tell me ladies don’t goes through the same issues, having fantasy about other guys with in relationship with another. hahaha.
Rather than condemning him/her, I think it is more better to “counsel” them away from it rite? “Look, you got the real deal, why do you still need to go for the virtual stuff?” *wink wink*
Just my 2 cent worth
I disagree with your first point but agree with your second point.
1) Unless they are in an open relationship, i.e. the woman knows about the takeaway and approve of it, cheating of any kind is wrong. More of the fact that he is lying rather than anything else. If the woman knows that he is off to the local hooker and approves of it, then it’s alright, because he is not lying to his wife/gf. However, unless your are mormon or muslim (with multiple wives) this rarely happens. This and we had not even got to the discussion of STDs yet.
However, off to the local red-light district if you are single is ok with me. Everyone needs release.
2) Ahhh..porn. I like porn.Enuff said
Just find a girl who already owns a BIG porn collection!
Lupin: when I say emotional adultery, I mean you constantly think of the other person and want to be with them, ie. mistress. And not the usual fantasy which everyone’s guilty of. As for the porn, it doesn’t have to be excluded from a healthy relationship. It can even enhance it.
sourrain: I never said cheating of any kind was good. I said one was the lesser evil. As for STDs, I think it’s a given that one should practice safe sex at all times.
And porn rulez.
dabido: what if our tastes for porn do not match? that’d be awkward. Hahah!
moo: Hmm…I think either way if the man wants to have his pie and eat it too, whether with a hooker or a mistress, it would signal the end of the relationship.
but i do get what you’re trying to say. It is better for him to cheat(if he has to lah) and be emotionally detached rather than be emotionally involved in a real relationship. I guess it’s easier to leave a weekly hooker habit rather than a thrice weekly visit to the mistress
sourrain: re: emotional detachment - yeah yeah that’s what I’m getting at.
porn is fine in my opinion. better from a tape/book than from another woman.
chicken pie for u?
nadnut: shhh, why must you reveal my secret like that?! Hahahaha!
Solution 1. Find a Lesbian! Porn will match.
Solution 2. Doesn’t matter if it matches, it proves precedence that if she can have porn, you can have porn too! You don’t need to have interest in her porn.
Dabido: erm if she’s a lesbian, then why would she be with me? That logic doesn’t work I’m afraid. As for solution #2, that’s assuming that she’d be into porn in the first place. Women tend to be less visual than we are.
A female “friends with benefits” of mine revealed that she enjoys watching porn occasionally (on her own) and has about 5gigs of it on her computer! Hooray!
If only she lived in the same state… :p
Andy: that’s a damn shame.