Being the good neutral friend takes effort. Picture these dilemmas:
- There’s a gathering, a dinner or a house party, clubbing, going out. Everyone knows each other except some of the people in the group aren’t told about it. Over the week, you strive to not talk about the gathering to those who aren’t going. But they ask you what you are doing on the weekend. Do you lie or tell the truth?
Me: Lying would just make a bigger mess of things, so I’d just tell the truth but I’d employ some tact and try not to sound too excited about it.
- You know friend A for a long time. Then you meet friend B, a long time friend of friend A. Friend B and you click very well and you end up seeing each other more than friend A. Do you feel guilty about it, and do you try to split your time between the two equally, or try to involve both friend A and friend B in whatever plans you might have?
Me: if I know friend B no longer enjoys friend A’s company then I’d try to split my time equally. Forced company is not good company. And if you are fair about it, then the problem between friend A and friend B isn’t really yours to worry about.
- You hear friend A make a small complain about friend B. It’s something really petty and it’s probably nothing. Do you tell friend B anyway? And do you care that friend A will know that you were the one who told friend B?
Me: I’d shut up about it. I won’t even add my two cents into it. I’ll just listen and let them vent. If friend B is also bitching about friend A, then I’d subtly ask them individually this question, “why are you still friends?”
Although it takes effort, being the good neutral friend is a good long term strategy I think. When one doesn’t lie, is fair and is discreet, then I think one would earn other people’s trust. And trust is a very good foundation to build a long lasting friendship on.
7 Responses to “Being the good neutral friend”
Leave a Reply
You might also be interested in these
- Bros before Hos
- Mom returns and then?
- Asian guys and blondes
- It’s the alcohol, stupid
- How would you ditch a friend’s invite?
Yah, I agree that honesty is the best policy. The moment you start lying, it’s very difficult to cover your tracks and the situation can only get more complicated.
if A could do that to B, A is capable of doing the same to you, vice versa. Anyways, trust is fundamental in all kinds of relationship.
It is easy to trust a person but it is the devil inside them that we should not trust.
It’s kinda hard bah, cause subconsiously you will be taking side too.
You should stop hanging out with letters of the alphabet and meet some people. They are way more interesting!
blur ting: that’s right. if you are honest, then the other person may just get annoyed with the host. If you lie, then both of you have pissed off the same person.
ADeline: true that. But if you start thinking like that, then you won’t ever trust anyone.
Lupin: true also but I think if you are tactful or diplomatic about it, you gain more than you lose.
Dabido: hey alphabets make the world go round!
I can so relate to your predicament. Worst when they start ganging up on you. In the process, I learned to compartmentalize my friendships and not mix them to avoid jealousy and complications.
Janette: thanks for dropping by! Your idea of compartmentalising friends sounds practical. I think subconsciously I’m already doing that. I’ve got friends from all stages in my life so far.