Some women deserve the men they get
Greg Bird is a player in the National Rugby League and Katie Milligan is his American girlfriend. Early last week, Greg allegedly glassed Katie in the eye while arguing in his apartment. When they were attended to in a hospital, they had told medical staff that it was Greg’s friend Brent Watson who did it.
Luckily, Brent was not stupid and he also had a solid alibi. He went to the police and told his version of events. Greg Bird was then charged with maliciously inflicting grievous bodily harm and assault occasioning actual bodily harm, and his league club the Cronulla Sharks had stood him down indefinitely.
LeagueHQ – The footballer, the glassed girlfriend and his fall guy … one teed-off mate
Police charge NRL ace Greg Bird for lover Katie Milligan assault | NEWS.com.au
So I’m trying to understand Katie’s actions and logic here. Perhaps this is his first violent outburst, or perhaps she thought that she was to be blamed for provoking him. And she thought it’s probably not worth it to trash his reputation and career over, so she had agreed with him to frame a friend of his. In the heat of the moment, I can sorta understand how all of that could have happened.
But what went through the minds of these two deluded individuals to make them think that Brent Watson was just going to quietly take the wrap for something that he didn’t do? Friends or not, this was something ridiculous to expect a person to do.
And after being discharged from hospital, we’ve now learnt that Katie had signed with a lawyer linked to Greg’s management. Which probably means that she’s still on his side, potentially hampering police investigations into the assault.
Greg Bird’s girlfriend Katie Milligan may not speak out | NEWS.com.au
All of which begs the question? Why do seemingly intelligent women put up with violent men and make excuses for them? I can understand it if children are involved and leaving the man is not a simple thing to do. I can even understand it if the woman is financially dependent on the man.
But with Katie, none of this applies. Helping him excuse his behaviour away and trying to cover up for him is the first step to something worst. Katie was lucky not to have lost her eye. Next time might be a different story. And if next time, she still sticks up for him then she really deserves the man that she’s got.
Because she’s shown to him that he can do whatever he wants with her, she can forget about getting any respect or dignity from him. Why should he when she doesn’t even have respect and dignity for herself?
12 Responses to “Some women deserve the men they get”
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I kind of feel the opposite of you.
I can totally imagine myself staying with an abusive man–UNLESS there was a child involved and I felt that child will be harmed.
I think there are many factors.
A) Despite the abuse, you’re still in love with them.
B) Pity. They act so sad and sorry. You feel bad for them.
C) low self-esteem–feeling you in some way deserve the abuse
Now sticking with an abusive man is one thing–lying for them and getting someone else in trouble is a whole other story. Yikes.
Dina: hmm good points. I think the low self-esteem, probably from constant emotional abuse is a big reason why these women stay with them. As for the lying and the framing, she’s already not thinking straight to begin with.
This is a sad story. I agree with Dina in that people stay in abusive relationships because of low self-esteem, pity for the abuser and love for that person. However, I also think it is related to the fact that abusers are very manipulative so there is thus a fear element. The abuser may say he will kill his girlfriend/wife if she ever leaves so therefore even if part of her wants to leave, she is too terrified.
I also agree that it is even worse if there are children involved. Studies have shown that children who are exposed to domestic violence often grow up to be in abusive relationships themselves (whether the abuser or the victim). This is just normal to them.
This story is particularly bad because they got an innocent third party involved. God knows why they thought he would stick up for them…”oh, yeah, I glassed this girl!” As if any normal person would lie about something like that.
Dina – ‘I can totally imagine myself staying with an abusive man’
Don’t! If he hits you, leave him. It is a matter of brains over ruling the heart.
I know, I was in a relationship where my Ex was highly abusive and even tried to insure me for a million dollars and then tried to kill me off.
As people say, I was lucky to get out alive. She used to justify her physical abuse of me by telling me that I enjoyed it.
Unfortunately, most abusive relationships are the same, the abuse doesn’t stop and in some cases it results in the abused getting killed.
A), B) and C) are good points and C) does actually explain the lying for her man as well. She is probably under the mistaken belief that her life is nothing without him.
Girlstar7 – Yes, you are quite right. Abusers are manipulative, always making it look like their abuse is somehow justified. As you have said, the fear element also comes into it with many, not only afraid of physical abuse, but also afraid that they won’t be able to fend for themselves without the person.
Children who are exposed to violence (in general) also have a tendency to become criminals. This is due to desensitising of other peoples pain etc.
Reason Bird probably thought Watson would take the rap for him might be because Bird is psychopathic. (There are still many psychopaths in society, they just hide themselves better in society now that it’s socially unacceptable to be psychopathic). Psychopaths often can’t think outside of their own wants. Thus, expecting someone to cover for him isn’t outside of his thinking. If anything he might even be shocked that someone WOULDN’T cover for him.
(This is of course provided he is a psychopath. I Am Not a Psychiatrist! I just used to work in Drug Rehab and Crime Prevention, so my knowledge on these subjects, though possibly greater than the average person is still limited).
girlstar7: I know right, like they’d expect their friend to just roll over for them, and for something so serious.
Dabido: or he’s a narcissistic ego maniac, which is what some elite sports people are like.
You know thats really sad, I have not seen the women in question but would imagine she would be quite beautiful so its not like she would have slim pickings, so whats her head like I wonder.
And why the hell would she put up with being glassed, thats such a terrible thing to go through, knowing someone you may have loved considers glassing you as acceptable.
Plus that guys is real dog, barely a man. You don’t accidentally glass someone, you do it with real intention, to really hurt someone.
People can have it all and still fuck it up.
It’s difficult to understand but when a woman is mired in an abusive relationship, she may not actually think she’s being abused. I have seen intelligent and independent women in the same situation. sad, but such things are pretty common.
It doesn`t even need to be major. Some of my friends will put up with “minor” mistreatment from their boyfriends because of love and forgiveness and all those other things that are supposed to be nice and fun.
Quietly taking being called fat and unattractive (in a mean, unconstructive way), being stood up and brushed off when asked about the no-show, letting him throw away personal items from friends because he`s jealous and doesn`t want her treasuring things that haven`t come from him and then of course being told to “fuck off” whenever he feels like he wants space. They`re always sorry at some point before they start their crap over but like my dad always says, if “sorry” were enough, we wouldn`t need police.
These are not things I would let someone (I can choose) do to me. I look for respect in a relationship more than I do love.
Have you also noticed how the “victim” is always very defensive/offensive when you bring up what a shit quality of life they`re living with this human turd? It`s enough to make you just leave them to it.
Its suprising that no one had brought up the fact that the abusee may be weighing it up with the abuse vs. money/fame that they have being mrs. abuser. I think that is one factor why some women stay with men that cheat on them endlessly
I agree that low self esteem is one of the main reasons why people put up with abuse. As for kids, that I disagree. I know it takes money to bring up kids, but surely being broke and staying in a shelter/family/friend is better than letting them see that its ok being beaten up?
Wealth aside, one needs to remember that love is not hurting each other. That is not love, that is abuse. However, like they all say, you never know what you’d do until you are a party in the situation.
BigZapfer: it’s probably because guys like him had always have things their way.
blur ting: yup, like she somehow brought it onto herself.
Yuuka: offensive/defensive reactions, yeah I notice!
sourrain: that’s a good point about her weighing the money and fame of being with the guy, versus him being abusive.
Hi Marcus,
I’ve been a reader/fan of your blog for some years, but I’ve never felt compelled to comment. I thought I’d do so on this topic, since I work with children who have psycho-social-behavioural problems, and I’ve actually observed something in some of these children who have abused mothers(physical/financial) or even fathers (emotional/verbal).
People stay in abusive relationships for all of the above mentioned reasons. My take is that MOST, (not all) abused women have one fundamental thing in common. They’re persuaded ro remain in the relationship. This coersion could be from
1) “friends”
2) the abuser
3) the woman herself from her OWN emotional baggge from her past
4) a fear of the unknown, they lack knowledge/guts to seek a better way to live. In other words they’re fearful of a change which might be worse and can’t see their life any better if they leave the abuser
If you don’t mind, I’d like to raise the topic of abused men as well.
In my work, I’ve observed that there are men who have been emotionally and verbally abused by their wives. I feel very sad for them at times, cos these men, I believe, genuinely love their abusive wives. Now those – I admire. I could never love someone who abused me.
Isabel: thanks for commenting! You’re most certainly qualified to make them as well.
Your comments and the ones above make me realise, when it comes to cases like this, most times we cannot use logic to try and understand them.