I don’t believe in persistence. Worse than spending a lot of time and energy to pursue a girl who is available, is waiting for that girl who isn’t. There are several reasons why this is generally a bad idea.
- As soon as a girl meets you, you are immediately placed on one of her two “ladders” – the friends-only ladder, and the potential-boyfriend ladder. It’s called the ladder theory. If you are on the friends-only ladder, it’s a long distance to try and jump across to the potential-boyfriend ladder. And you probably wouldn’t find out until she becomes single and you find out the hard way. Think of all that time wasted on a girl that you weren’t ever gonna get anyway!
Things may not be quite as bad if you are on the potential-boyfriend ladder and you are hanging around until she’s available. But, you still have to wait no matter what. Think of other girls who may be just as good for you but you had overlooked because you are hanging around this one girl like a chump.
- How much time are you gonna give it? You may think that you are in with a chance because of signals that you interpret, or words that she says. But nothing is concrete and she may just be stringing you along. She probably enjoys the extra attention to supplement her relationship with her boyfriend.
You may also think that you are in with a chance because it seems like her relationship is on shaky grounds. But women are a sentimental creature and are more willing to try and patch things up because of the fond memories that she has of the relationship, no matter how bleak and unhealthy it currently is. So if you are gonna be hanging around, be prepared to suffer through her mini break-ups and making up with her boyfriend, which will feel like you’d been kicked in the nuts each time that it happens.
- Ok so she’s finally available. But unless you just want to nail her for the sex, you probably think that’s it’s wise to not jump in right away. You’d think that it’s best that your relationship is not the rebound relationship. You want it to last, see? So you play it cool. But then how long do you wait again?
Meanwhile, she meets some random dude in a club who ends up being the rebound guy but it’s ok for him because at least he’s getting some sex out of it. And you’re not! Oh the agony. Turns out you should have jumped in right away anyway. Chivalry is dead, my friend.
So yeah, waiting for that girl who isn’t available right now? Bad idea. But as cynical as I am, I’m not ruling out the off chance that things may turn out ok for all parties concern. I say this because I’ve seen this work for one guy before. He was the guy who was hanging around this girl whom I had tried to ask out.
He waited for her while she was with another guy. He waited for her after the break up to give her some time, because she “wasn’t ready for a relationship yet”. He even waited around while other guys like me tried to ask her out. Gotta admire the guy’s patience, huh?
Me? I can’t do it because I don’t believe that it should be so hard. But that’s probably why I’m single and he married her. 
21 Responses to “Waiting For That Girl”
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i can’t agree more.
i didn’t believe things should be so hard either.
when i was younger, i always thought to myself, how nice it would be to drive a cool car and have loads of money. it’ll be so easy to find myself a really nice girlfriend.
now that i’ve got a stable career that pays well, a really nice car…. the passenger seat is always empty.
i’ve spent many nights thinking what went wrong. i can’t figure it out. it’s sad. whether she’s available or not.
You really do know your relationship stuff well. I’ve never analysed it in such detail. You’re right on many counts and you’re a practical person. That’s you. Some guys are die-heart romantics who will spend their entire life pursuing a particular girl. To each his own. You’re still young. You’ll find the right girl.
this is good.
in fact, this is exactly the problem i’m facing now. you have a knack for putting up posts just as things happen to me, especially in the last few months!
So true. However… sometimes we do consider those placed on the friends ladder, all we need is a wake up call. LOL
Doesn’t “that girl” always change when the next one comes along
静: don’t worry too much about finding that one girl – just keep on enjoying life, socialising and meeting new people. Sometimes things happen when you don’t plan for them.
blur ting: heh. thanks for the vote of confidence! and yeah, the dynamics of human relationships fascinate me.
redbeanjon: hope this guides you in the right direction, and that things work out for ya!
nadnut: you see, that is why women are so frustrating and difficult to understand sometimes.
BigZapfer: it does but if she’s not available, you move on! Come back and revisit it if you get the chance, but you don’t linger.
But but…. We make up for it in other ways!
nadnut: hahah true but sometimes the price to get to that something good is too much.
mooiness: i concur – sometimes we pay too high a price for what we think is good…and in the end pass up on what we could have gotten. Maybe we still think that the price was worth it, and maybe it was – but we missed so many other chances!
Totally agree with ya here. As a girl, there have been so many guys that I’ve made the message very clear to: I’m not interested in you in that way. Some of these guys give up and move on. However, some of them keep persisting, thinking that if they try hard enough, they’ll be in with a chance. After a while this becomes REALLY ANNOYING. THey may think they if they keep trying, thye’ll be in with a chance…but in actual fact, the girl just gets more and more annoyed whilst the guy seems more and more desperate. GUys: if she’s not interested, MOVE ON. There are plenty of fish in the sea…find someone who will return your affections
redbeanjon: gotta keep our eyes wide-open with everything I say!
girlstar7: heheh yes I can imagine it being REALLY annoying for the girl when the guy just can’t get the hint! And good advice – definitely find someone who’d return your affections. Everyone deserves that.
‘you are immediately placed on one of her two “ladders”’
Nah, I usually get placed in her larder, or any other lockable small room far from her.
‘Think of all that time wasted on a girl that you weren’t ever gonna get anyway!’
Most of my best friends in life have been girls. It’s not always a ‘waste of time’. You may not get to be her beau, but you might get to keep a great friend for life.
‘which will feel like you’d been kicked in the nuts each time that it happens. ‘
The other option is to have your nuts removed so you won’t feel anything.
Hmmm, I just felt a movement in the force, like a million male voices cried out, ‘We’ll keep our nuts, thanks!’
‘But then how long do you wait again?’
Four seconds. Then, cover your nuts just in case!
The problem with waiting till another person is free, is that sometimes they are NEVER free.
Girlstar7 – ‘There are plenty of fish in the sea’
What has fish got to do with women? We want Girlfriends, not fish and chips!!!!
mooiness: haha yes i will – and the situation has been resolved, muchly similar to the one, in your case, that “got away”. It seems that our patterns for australian girls are similar
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redbeanjon: well, if it makes you learn something about yourself and relationships in general, then it’s not a total loss.
mooiness: ok this is weird talking to you on your blog – is there any other form of communication that you’d care to open? you have my email from the commenting already, so if you’d like we can talk further in “person”
yeah i don’t think anything is ever a total loss (unfortunately most bosses don’t think that way too) but we still deal with the loss nonetheless yea?
Girlstar7: sometimes us guys don’t have the luxury of finding someone who will return affections/emotions. and i have to admit sometimes it’s just stupidity mistaken for persistence of the male ego that entices us to hold on. Sometimes i wonder if there really are so many fish in the sea, why can’t i catch any, and sometimes i’m thankful for the fact that i can’t catch any just yet
redbeanjon: you can email me if you want. My email is on the front page near the top right corner.
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