Women and The Bad Boys They Love
Last week, the topic of women and the bad boys that they love came up in conversations with two separate friends. They both had this to say,
Bad boys fulfill some women’s need of mystery and excitement in their relationships.
I find that very true. That and also some women like to think that they can fix their men. Unless the man beats her up, the woman can also overlook a lot of his flaws if he’s nice to her in general. Then again, even if he beats her up, she’ll probably go back to him anyway.
Though for the most part, the men going into those relationships will remain the same. But perhaps the women who love them are merely going through a phase and will probably grow tired of looking after their bad boys. So if you can’t help yourself and fall for a woman like that, you just have to wait till she grows out of that phase, and hope for the best.
20 Responses to “Women and The Bad Boys They Love”
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I totally agree….I went through my fair share of bad boys before thinking that maybe it’s time to stop seeking for something so bad.
It might not nessacarily mean that they were literally bad like the Rhianna saga,but the relationships were obviously never going to go anywhere…I knew it from the word Hello. I just needed to get them out of my system
It was exciting whilst it lasts though – abit like sneaking a joint
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It’s true. I married one and put up with his bad ways for many years. Then we got divorced and in that rebound state, I fell for another bad boy all the way across the world. I can’t believe he was the exact duplicate of the ex, albeit a white version. Due to time difference, we would fight and he would be screaming at me over the phone at 3am my time. Good thing we broke up after several months.
Like you said, it was a phase. Thank god I’m so over that phase now. I’m into good guys now.
They come with stories, call it professional curiousity or an occupational hazard, but their stories intrigue me. And I think for me, it’s a reflection of who I am. I can safely say that i’d be doing a lot of what they do if I were a guy. I already do / did.
But they do change, I know heaps of reformed bad boys who are prob the best bfs and husbands now. It’s a phase they have to grow out of. I did… but girls learn faster hahaha
sourrain: yeah which is why I understand the need for youse to love them at the time.
blur ting: Phew indeed! As bad as they were, I think as long as you came away with important life lessons that you can maybe pass on to others, then I think it’s all good.
Kitty: hahah yeah. It’s those who never grow out of the phase: both bad boys and the women who love them, who are actually quite pitiful.
some men are made to be boyfriends, some men are made to be husbands. The important thing is not to get confused between the both of them
what about bad girls?
sourrain: when your head is clouded by love and lust, sometimes it’s hard to make that distinction. Heh.
Kitty: bad girls and the men who love them? I see mean girls who take advantage of the men who likes them – similar kind of syndrome I guess. Unless you have low self-esteem, most guys grow out of that too.
what’s the difference between a bad girl and a mean girl? or a bad boy and a bad girl? is there a difference? i’m confused.
What I associate with bad boys are the overly macho and aggressive types. So I’d put bad girls in the same category though I see less of that.
I consider mean girls to be those who manipulate the men in their lives emotionally and financially.
Do you reckon it works in reverse, I knew this one girl……:)
So mean girls mindfuck the guys, and bad boys beat up the girls? Ogies i get now.
Hmm.
BigZ: the girl is macho/aggressive, and the guy is meek? Sure I’ve seen those. But there’s more of the reverse though.
Kitty: well, macho guys can be aggressive to anyone, not necessarily just the gf.
I agree with you that the whole bad-boy thing is generally a phase. Ask a 19-year-old girl what she is looking for in a guy and your answer will be quite different to that of a 30-year-old woman (most likely). Young girls often go for factors such as: good looks, mystery and excitement, the ‘cool’ factor (i.e. a DJ or a guy in a band, a sports star etc.), charisma etc. Guys with these qualities are far more likely to be ‘bad boys’. However, I think most girls grow out of this phase. They get older and they realise that qualities such as stability, reliability, kindness, sense of humour and good conversational skills are FAR better than a cute face, washboard abs and a brooding stare.
I also agree with Kitty that some bad boys change their ways when they meet the right girl.
Yup and the important thing is not waste too much time on a guy or a girl if it’s obvious that where they are in their lives at the moment doesn’t match up with what you want.
Lol – funny as post. I think all women start off wanting to be with the/a bad-boy – esp good girls. Perhaps it is to add on to the gals street-cred? The funny part is, I managed to hook-up to 3 bad-boys, 1 I ended up saying no to when the reformed bad-boy proposed, 1 ended up hurting me badly but I got the last laugh after several yrs (will need a longer reply to go there!) and 1 I am getting married to this yr!
Bad boys, I must admit, are more fun tho
Play with the sports car but settle down with the family car right?
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I don’t know if this statement can be true of all women. For example I had a father who had a temper and we both had a difficult early life. I always wanted guys who had the good qualities of my dad brains, long conversations but who didn’t smack me around like my dad. I liked roses flowers gentleman type but that guy never stayed the same maybe because he’s not real. It isn’t who he was just an act. I always wanted the better guys always wanted a hero.
The better guys always fall for the bad girl (on her 2rd abortion) who was screwing 3 guys and called Mr. Nice guy the father because he was the one with the job.I had been watching out for him and protecting him and had made plans on partnership I like to take care of my guys but although he told me he had feelings for me he never stood up for them he chose that girl over me and his ex which we are a different caliber of women we are educated and had jobs even if it was just the movie theatre. I got hurt by so called nice guys but would never go out w/ a bad boy for a decade because I told myself they are bad and they treat women like crap and I hate them for it. Now I am 29 and where is that good guy maybe he just doesn’t like me. I see what I’ve been missing.
The guys I liked were the good ones but they never liked me back enough. Rather it was the flawed men and badder boys that like me and ask me out. And I bet it is because we had similliar childhoods or damage. For the first time I got with a bad boy earlier this year and it wasn’t the harmless James Dean type he was very hot, 1st guy who ever gave me a rose, best sex ever, a scary guy nontheless addicted to meth who I quickly nicknamed Bluebeard. Because I expected the worst. He would ask me why I didn’t come to him for help w/ fixing something why I went to another guy friend and I told him ‘Because I was afraid of you’ LOL.
And although I was afraid of him I knew he wouldn’t harm me on purpose I would get hurt just because I was around him like everyone does who ever cared about him. He was the one that wanted to play pool with me and enjoyed my company and treated me like I was a woman but I knew he needed me too which is something most guys don’t do. They act like they could take you or leave you and I need more dependence because I am not a cold person and I like to know someone needs or wants me there. There was a tendency to see him as the bad one and me as the good but I shed that hypocricy and tried to think of him as my guy because in the 6 weeks or so that we knew each other he wasn’t looking for a girlfriend but there was some attachment there. I fell short I didn’t treat him as well but that’s because he’s a bad boy. We fought alot kind of because sometimes I didn’t care about his feelings because he was in his stupor.
We got together one night at a friend’s house and I am rather naive maybe that is another reason he likes me and why people don’t like to hurt me. Rather they want to protect me because of my little girl vibe.
When you get to know a bad boy the cliches are true he is lonely damaged and sad on the inside you realize that if he decides to let you in. What I realized was that I had the same lonliness and sadness and our chemistry isn’t one you can walk away from. I treated him with suspicion because I know what he’s done. He’s paranoid. However I believe if you’re not in it just for the novelty of the ‘bad boy’ and actually care about him it shows and he knows. He will behave accordingly but also I only asked him to change his illegal involvement with the law and quit a drug he was doing because it made him emotionally distant and left me abandoned but anyone close to him gets hurt because he hurts alot.
If he’s shooting up he’s going to die soon now unless he changes his life but I wanted him to do that for him. I didn’t want to change him as a person and tell him what to do necessarily just wanted to see him do well. I know his wish like most men is to please whoever is in his life.
He’s the male version of me in a way he’s tough he survived he feels emptiness he fills it up with meth and other things. He grew up w/ single mother who left him alone and no father but there is probably more who knows. Now his father is dying and he doesn’t want to deal with it. He’s mad at me because I reminded him of the things that should matter and I cut him off because meth was more important in his life and I won’t accept that.
Most women just want to break him and change him which women want to love him? When you prick him does he not bleed? Nobody cares. His friends all do these hardcore drugs. I was there when he did the worst drug of all but I thought he was merely abusing it not a full blown addict. Which one of his friends told him that he looks like death and to stop it. Only me?
They just don’t care enough they come visit Bluebeard envious of his strength despite being his own worst enemy waiting for him to fall one day. Even if someone is a dick if you care you tell them about the life you want for them which is not ending up like a worthless bum in the sewer.
Maybe if the good men cared about me like he did I would care about them and show them how great life can be but I’m pretty disappointed in those men who are nice for a few months but were just pretending. He doesn’t pretend or lie neither do the flawed guys who aren’t as bad as him but more relatable. He taught me something about myself that despite avoiding bad boys all my life and maybe because I didn’t like them or for whatever reason they have always been the ones who were around to put a smile on my face or to keep me entertained in a boring summer.
I never had sex with them until now. But the bad boy I am now fond of him because he is human and he reaches you because he relates to you not with superficial things but he is as solid as the groud under your feet. He’s not going to leave you because you have spinach in your teeth or look like crap one day. You stay with him because you realize he’s a hot mess much like you but you’ve often seen glimpses of the light and the hopes and dreams he spoke about wanting you want to show him the way to happiness and show him it is possible for him too. Because if he does sober up and not kill himself sometime he is the most loyal guy you know that because loyalty is important to him. But I’m not waiting for him it isn’t my style but I told him what I was about meth or me choose.
And at least he’s not quite sexist he doesn’t look down on strippers and unfortunate girls. He’s not like a republican who will go pay a stripper and pass legislation to make her life difficult until he gets busted in a scandal with her doing coke although he’s a hypocrite in other ways like everyone else. What you see is what you get and honesty is something I really want in a guy. I’d rather know than find out 20 years later. I was thinking about things though and it occurred to me that I liked him. I didn’t know that that would happen. I thought I would be indifferent to him because I never get attached to bad boys but if they are sweet and keep it up who knows.
Sorry about the book-long comment peace /
The chicks who say they don’t like bad boys are always the unattractive ones.
Attractive ones will always go for the bad boys, until they get old and can not attract them anymore.
Then they marry a rich old bad men or a poor nice guy.
It’s all in the genes, stop kidding yourselves.
[...] and mystery that comes with dating an unpredictable, some say unreliable, man. In other words, they like bad and broken men whom they can nurture and fix. Or so they [...]