How to spend your stimulus money
Ostensibly, the stimulus money that all Australian tax payers will be getting from the government soon is for us to spend on goods and services. Thus, stimulating the economy, preserving jobs etc. etc. Here’s some words from our PM, fake Kevin Rudd.
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“This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:
Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgin.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set or some such thing, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.
Below are some helpful advice on how to best help the Australian economy by spending your stimulus cheque wisely:
If you spend that money at Kmart, all the money will go to China.
If you spend it on petrol it will go to the Middle East.
If you purchase a computer it will go to India.
If you buy a car it will go to Japan.
If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan.
And none of it will help the Australian economy.
We need to keep that money here in Australia. You can keep the money in Australia by spending it at garage sales, going to a cricket match or footy game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer and wine (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses that may still be owned by Aussies.
Thank you all Australians,
Your mate,
Fake K.RUDD.
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(thanks Lydia!)
11 Responses to “How to spend your stimulus money”
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LOL! Chicken pie for you?
Hehehe I suppose it’s the patriotic thing to do?!
If spending it on prostitutes, make sure they are aussie citizens first.
Well, some citizens will be spending it overseas too so what matters more is whether they will be spending it within Australia, regardless of whether they are citizens or not.
Hehe, how about spend it all on Aussie ice cream and chocolate?
Heheh not a bad idea though that’d be a lot of ice cream and chocolate! I guess spending it eating out is also good for keeping the money within Australia.
LOL Mine’s going on my car – gotta get a service and probably some new tyres. So boring, I know! But at least my car’s an Aussie make, right?
Excellent, so the money is staying here then. Make sure that the oil and tyres you use are Australian-made as well.
Yeeeaaah but we’re stimulating the global economy, of which we’re a part of. If we spend it on a big-screen TV which will stimulate the economy of China which will mean that their demand for resources will increase, the slowdown of the mining boom will speed up again, which will mean that all the people working in mining will have jobs and money to spend again… which will then stimulate other areas of our economy.
It’ll take awhile but it will eventually come back around to us, won’t it?
With globalisation, every country’s economy is intertwined so yeah, helping China means helping Australia as well because they buy so much of our raw materials to make the stuff that we end up buying.
[...] received my $900 of stimulus money yesterday. I am deciding [...]