You know how once you get to a certain age, say your mid-30s, your social circle tends to get cemented and stays the same? Not me though. I’m lucky that I’m still meeting new faces all the time and for the past few years there’s at least one new person who gets added to my roster of friendly faces.
And adult friendships are so much more richer than when you are a kid but with that comes complexity and the efforts to maintain them become that much harder. Gone are the days of when becoming friends was as easy as because you swapped lunches one day, and your friend’s friend are your friends too, and your friend’s enemy is also your enemy. When you are a kid, there’s much less “frenemies” behaviour going on, less back-stabbing and less talking behind people’s back.
So as each new face gets added to your social circle, the complexity of the circle increases and if harmony is desired, everyone has to tread a diplomatic line. Because your friend’s really good friend may annoy the shit out of you, and that person that they hate? Well, he’s not that bad really. At least, he hasn’t done anything bad to you. For now.
Plus there’s no winning from trying to please everyone. You can’t. So if I know of someone not quite enjoying the company of another, and I have a choice in it, I’d not put them in the same room. But that’s easier said than done right? When your friend insists on bringing the person because hey, you’ve met and you seemed to get along quite well (damn you, diplomacy!), how can you possibly say no?
Then there’s the talking that people inevitably do when the subject is out of earshot. I’ve adopted the policy of not spreading anything that I hear. Ignorance is truly bliss. If I ever feel the urge to gossip, I always ask myself, “Do they need to hear this? What good is gonna come out of it?” And most times, that question answers itself.
And lastly, not everyone will like you. And you don’t have to like everyone. If you hear that you are being disliked by someone and it’s not something that you did or have said, then there’s really not much you can do about it. Sometimes, there’s no real reason why someone doesn’t like somebody else – they just don’t. So don’t try to understand it. Life is too short for such pettiness.
Having said all of the above though, I love having a big and diverse social circle. Different kinds of friends begets more different kinds of friends, and you can never have enough friends, even if life becomes a little bit more complicated as a result.
Life IS a soap opera
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Good post, so true. Friendships become more complicated as you get older … but they also become less complicated. Haha, it’s so confusing – it depends on the friend I guess. Sometimes losing a friend because you purposely didn’t invite them to your birthday party is easier than dealing with the adult versions.
Spot on Moo. Friendships become even more settled later on. The mixing you have to do with disparate groups containing people that you may or may not like as you’re finding your way as a youngish adult tapers right off. Good advice about the gossip too. Discretion is vital to friendships.
Katie: yeah easy-going friends who are tactful and flexible are the best. That also makes them very low-maintenance.
Lad Litter: too right – no one needs to know everything about themselves because it ain’t always pretty.
i share my ribena with you ok?
Ok! Yay, new friend!
Hey, im totally agree with u!
The way I see it is that everyone is a jerk, including myself, so we should all stop being so picky and just take people as they are. I find people only have issues when people get critical about each other.
Every rose has its thorns, just some have more then others and you can’t possible handle them all at once
Well, I won’t call ourselves jerks but yes – no one is flawless. But even knowing that, it doesn’t mean everyone will get along and accept everyone else’s faults.
So diplomacy and tact is still needed.
Another interesting factor that complicates friendships in adulthood: friend’s partners (boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife, not in the business sense!) What do you do if you meet a friend’s new significant other and you can’t stand them? Do you say anything? What if your new boyfriend/girlfriend doens’t get along with your social circle or thinks they are a bad influence? What if your new boyfriend/girlfriend has already dated someone in your social circle? What if your new boyfriend/girlfriend is IN your social circle and you don’t know how to break it to everyone else?! Plus there is the situation we have all been in where a friend drops off the face of the earth as soon as he/she starts dating someone new and puts no effort into their friendships. The couple breaks up and bingo! they are back in your life, wanting to continue where they left off.
Some food for thought there, but I guess that’s an entirely different post!