I wrote in the previous post that if there wasn’t any emotional maintenance involved in my past relationships, then they might have lasted longer due to the person that I am. Which prompted this question: does that mean I’m perfectly ok with sharing my lover?
Let me explain the idea. Right or wrong, at this point in time I can’t see myself putting up with the idiosyncrasies of a relationship. My physical needs haven’t quite trumped my need for an emotionally carefree existence just yet. So if my girlfriend is not exclusive to me, that means the emotional maintenance part is shared with another person, which means it’s less for me to handle. And I thought, that’s a reasonable trade.
I’m not the jealous type. I also don’t believe there’s anything wrong with having multiple partners as long as everyone involved knows the full picture, and everyone is accorded mutual respect. I feel that the arrangement can be beneficial to the person who shares their lover, and also to the lover who has multiple partners.
The one who shares has an easier time whether it’s physically or emotionally, while the person who has multiple partners can choose different people to fulfill different roles in their lives.
So yeah, I am ok with sharing my lover. But that is me. I don’t think my train of thought is shared by many. People generally still expect monogamy, or at least serial monogamy. And that loving and wanting more than one person at a time is not right. Though I think that what I’ve described is better than the lying, the cheating and ultimately the betrayal that comes with all kinds of affairs.
Monogamy – good for you if it’s easy for you and if you have it but why must that be the only right kind of relationship?
4 Responses to “Would you share your lover?”
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Interesting blog – multiple partners in an open and honest situation, where everyone is harmonious and happy, is called polyamoury (multiple loves). It is not as uncommon as some might think, I myself know a polyamourous triangle who live together and are very strong as their relationship is based on communication, honesty and respect. There is no jealousy if there is no deception I guess.
Yup, totally agree. Which is why I believe there is more than one way to achieve relationship bliss.
There’s a funny scene from the British version of The Office:
Gareth is at a nightclub and starts making out with a biker chick whilst a biker guy watches. Gareth asks, ‘who’s that guy watching?’ And the girl says, very casually, ‘oh that’s just me husband, he doesn’t mind!’ like it’s not a big deal at all.
Whilst I definitely understand the polygamy thing, it’s not without its problems and ground-rules must be set. I think it’s something I could do, in theory, if I didn’t have strong feelings for the guy. I’ve had fuck buddies in the past where both of us were allowed to be with other people and nobody got jealous. However, if I started to fall in love with the guy, it would be a totally different story. Once those feelings kick in, it can be very hard to picture that person being with someone else, and if things got that far, I just don’t think I could do it. I like to think that I’m not a jealous person, but when I develop strong feelings, I can’t stop the jealousy completely.
But for some people, it works just great…that’s why there are so many swingers clubs around making great business!
Yes, feelings can develop from a casual relationship and that’s when you have to re-evaluate the situation. If you can’t come to a new agreement, then it has to be broken up.