Never agree with her about how bad her man is
A while back I wrote that most times when you are talking with a woman, and she’s venting, you should just shut up and listen.
A corollary of that rule is that you never ever agree with her about how bad her man is, even if she sounds pissed off and frustrated when talking about him. You can nod your head and acknowledge what she’s saying but you don’t agree with what she’s saying. See the difference?
You don’t want to agree with her and add your two cents because she will end up defending her man to you, even as you are agreeing with her complains about him. Why? Because when a third party shows her the imperfections of her man, her pride is wounded and she now feels that she’s the one being attacked for choosing the wrong guy. No one likes admitting to making a bad choice, and no girl likes being shown that her judgement is somehow impaired.
Don’t believe me? Try it sometime and within 5 minutes, she’d be saying, “Oh he’s not that bad really“, or “He’s good to me most of the time“, or … and I love this the best, “you don’t understand our relationship”. Arghghghgh fuuuuuuck.
So if you want to retain your sanity, and not get into an argument over something that doesn’t even really concern you, because you are only making her feel better about herself and him, because you are only letting her vent her anger on you so that she goes back to him all happy and jolly, because you don’t want to be the sponge of her frustrations without the side-benefit of the sex that he happily gets without knowing the shit that he puts you through, what do you do?!
That’s right. Just shut up and listen. 
10 Responses to “Never agree with her about how bad her man is”
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WORD.
that is a great way to ‘listen’ and I bet women will appreciate that
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da friend: WORD.
Lisalicious: hey thanks for the tip! Will check it out soon.
DOUBLE WORD.
and i’ve had this experience too – i really enjoy how you put such experiences so simply and clearly, and i’m often just nodding my head and going “OH YEAH i’ve had that before”.
can i repost this blogpost?
Hahah go ahead!
Wise, wise, words. Even if my friend actually leaves her boy, I never join in the juicy slander because you never know if they’ll get back together and they’ll avoid you like the plague and it’s sooooo awkward.
So I’ve heard. *looks around shiftily*
Heheh yeah that happens alright, and when you don’t sound supportive enough when they are whinging, they’d ask, “Why aren’t you being more supportive? Am I the wrong one here?!”
And that’s a whole new can of worms.
[...] honest with you, you will start feeling like you are the one who’s being attacked and you will eventually get defensive about it. You will start rationalising to us and to yourself that actually, the relationship is not that bad [...]
That happens to any objective ear lent to listen to relationship problems. I always get “you don’t know him like i do” or “it’s shit but we’re working through it”. Gah, you can’t win!
Which is why it is better to shut up and listen.