The last time I wrote about the excuses that women make for bad men, I probably came across a tad cynical and antagonistic. So I thought I’d try a different approach. And this time, it’s aimed at both sexes because men can easily fall into this cycle as well. That is, they will whinge and complain, and return to moan about it again at a later day because nothing ever changes.

As friends, we will always pat you on the shoulder or lend you a shoulder to cry on. We will let you vent and help you cope with your frustrations. But ultimately, we won’t be able to help your relationship much because we are not the other person in it. You should be talking to your partner more than you are complaining to us, and here is why.

Close friends can do either one of two things. One, we can empathise with you and try to make you feel better by coming up with a variety of reasons why your relationship is such and such, and say to you that it will be alright in the end. Or two, we can cut right to it and tell you exactly what is wrong with your relationship.

The problem with either one of those approaches is obvious. With approach #1, by telling you everything will be alright and there is a valid reason for whatever is wrong with your relationship, we are distracting you from the real problems and you will not be motivated to do anything about them.

As for approach #2, when we start being brutally honest with you, you will start feeling like you are the one who’s being attacked and you will eventually get defensive about it. You will start rationalising to us and to yourself that actually, the relationship is not that bad and we are all just overreacting. This end result is similar to that of approach #1 – nothing changes.

So yeah, talk to your boyfriend/girlfriend more about your feelings and what’s upsetting you. Tell them how you think the problems can be fixed and what needs to be done. Whether or not they are willing or able to change is another question. But you know who you should be discussing that with, right?