I’m pretty surprised that I haven’t wrote about this more before, seeing as how it’s my modus operandi. Heheh. I’ve talked about the futility of persistence before but I didn’t elaborate on the specifics. I’ve said that you should not persist with a girl who is not reciprocating but I never said when is a good time to call it quits when you go after a girl. So here it is: 3 calls.
When I say 3 calls, it encompasses 3 real attempts in asking someone out. That can be face-to-face, Facebook, text-messaging, instant messaging and phone calls. Having said that, ideally the 3 calls should not be the only time that you are interacting with her. In between, there should at least be some harmless banter back and forth via the same mediums. Otherwise you’d come across as very abrupt and your chances of rejection are probably higher than if you’ve laid your foundations right first.
So you’ve seen each other around and you’ve talked a few times. Time to man up and go out on a limb – time to ask her out. And she says no. That’s cool. She has a life and she’s allowed to be busy. Sometimes, if she’s keen on spending some time with you, she might suggest alternatives. And that’s great. But more often than not, an alternative is not offered. This puts you in a grey area because this has only been the first call and you can’t really tell where this might be going yet. Nonetheless, you’ve now used up 1 out of 3 calls.
Call number 2 … after a week or so, maybe two, you give it another try. Again, she’s busy. Once is a probability, twice is a coincidence, but coincidences are allowed of course. Very rare are the occasions when the goodies are just given to you on a platter. You have to earn it my friend. However, alternatives were not offered. Again. It’s not looking too good at this point. But, you err on the side of being a love-sick puppy and believe in the coincidence. And anyway, giving up after just 2 calls is neither here nor there. Hah.
You play it cool. You see her online or in real life and you don’t bring up anything about taking her out. You even flirt a little. You give it a little more time. You don’t want to come across as desperate or needy. But you gotta know and soon it’s time for call number 3. And you get shot down one more time. So here we are: this is the point that you stop.
She’s made it very clear to you that she doesn’t want to go out with you at this point in time. Maybe she will change her mind, who knows. But right now, you should back off. By asking her out 3 times, you have already made your intentions known. Hopefully by doing so, you haven’t been placed in the friend zone just yet.
By backing off, this will prevent things from getting awkward and uncomfortable. By not being a psycho persistent stalker, there remains the chance of you revisiting this down the line too. At the very least, you can still be friends with her. It never hurts to have more female friends – it does good for the ego and it expands your social network which extends the pool of potential women to date.
Lastly, don’t mope and feel sorry for yourself. The corollary to the 3-call rule is: don’t wait around for the girl who isn’t available right now, and go for one who is.