I was talking to my friend Ally about her love life. But instead of talking more about it, she wanted me to write it out here. Apparently, I write better than I talk. Hahah. Gee thanks.
So the situation is, she’s currently in a long-distance relationship which has its usual ups and downs, except magnified by the distance. Then he proposed to her and she accepted. However, they won’t see each other for another year due to various reasons.
She wanted me to give her my opinion. The catch is that I can’t base it on what I think of him as a boyfriend/fiance because she said that I have only ever heard the bad stuff that she complains about, and that my perception of him might be a bit biased. Hmm, now where have I heard that before?
I feel like a juror being asked by the judge to ignore a key piece of evidence due to some technicality. But anyhoo, I think I can be objective and logical about it still. So here goes. I don’t think a diamond ring changes the relationship at all. You’re still physically apart and a lot can happen in a year. You might get bored and he might get bored, and there’s always the temptation to stray.
However, him giving you the diamond ring indicates to me that he’s more afraid of losing you than the other way around. I’ve asked you before if you are happy with him, or want to be with him long term and you had answered that he is very good to you mostly. That is a non-answer which says a lot about how you really feel.
If you can marry someone for the comfort that he provides and not for love, and you can handle the relationship being so one-sided, then that’s your choice to make. But the fact that you have asked me for my opinion shows me that you are not really sure if you want to do that.
And if you are unsure about it, it’s only fair to give the ring back to him and call it off now rather than tell him a year down the road. Although feelings might change and you might grow to love him more during this year apart. But right now? I don’t have a good opinion about it to give you.
Ultimately, it’s your decision to make. My advice is to not be selfish about it. As in, don’t think about what’s good for you only. You gotta think about how the poor guy feels too. If I were him, I’d rather that you cut me deep now which gives me the time to heal and to pursue other opportunities, than waste a year waiting for you.
“Oh harro”. Typed or spoken, that’s how Huishan always greeted me.
I get along really well with my current colleagues but I’m closest to someone who’s now an ex-colleague. I had “met” Huishan sometime around December 2009. I say “met” because we never saw each other in real life until one year later in December 2010 when I was sent to Melbourne for work. It was pretty fortunate how it happened because by then she had already left the company and was going to the UK in Feb 2011, doing the 2-year sabbatical over there that a lot of Aussies are wont to do.
From the day we met, we’d chat on instant messaging and over the phone quite a bit because she was new to the team and asked a lot of questions. Hahah! Gradually we started talking about non-work related stuff and we progressed to being Facebook friends. This may sound insignificant but she says she only adds people that she really knows.
Having a face to put to the voice and words solidify the impression that I had of her. She felt more real from then on. And when we eventually met for the first time, the conversation flowed very naturally and there were no awkwardness. At least I don’t think so.
She was the one who encouraged me to seek the promotion that I’d got, but was hesitant about. And for that I’m really grateful. She was really pushy about it and the conversations got quite heated at one point. But it was exactly what was needed, so thanks Huishan.
We also got quite close from the support we gave each other, bitching about our daily work. Healthily, I might add. Heheh. Now that she’s not part of the team anymore and is in the UK, I miss those bitch fests with her. But I like the fact that we still talk to each other whenever we see each other online. She still scolds me, which is something that I hope she will continue to do.
Sander van Doorn started out in the DJing scene in 2006 and this is one of his rare tracks with vocals. It kinda makes you wonder if all trance DJs are inherently emo because almost all vocal trance tracks have that tinge of sadness in them.
Though I believe that if you embrace the low, you can appreciate the highs even more. And this characterises trance music: lots of dips and crescendos, with beats and bloops, with or without the usually melancholic female vocals.
It’s a part of real life represented in a musical form (ups and downs with repeated cycles) that one can dance to. And that’s why I love trance so much.
A while ago, I wrote a post about how some women manipulate the men who fancies them, titled “The Mind Fuck“. Over the past two weeks, that post has been ranking very highly for the following search phrases:
mind fuck any girl
how to mind fuck a girl
To those who had stumbled onto my post looking for tips on how to play major head games with women, I apologise that I offered no such tips. That said, how to mind fuck a girl is very much similar to how a guy gets mind fucked.
The basic idea is that the girl must like you enough to want to be with you. That places you in the power position because she wants something that only you can provide – you. Saying nice things to her, asking her out, touching her in a certain way, all of these things will mind fuck her because of the false hope that you are giving her.
I’ve never been in that position before because I’ve always been the one who’d stick my neck out to pursue a girl. I’ve always hated the mind games and I’ve learnt from them a lot. It’s what made me the cynical bastard that I am today. Even if I ever get to be in that position of power, because I know how sucky it feels to be played with, I am not going to toy with someone’s emotion. Only bad things can come from doing that.
But you know what’s the only good thing about mind games and cruel intentions? They make great stories for awesome movies.
Catching up with Ashley over yummy burgers on Friday night, OR
Having food, drinks and laughs at Sel’s place on Saturday night, which is always fun.
I had an awesome weekend despite …
Blowing a little too close to the limit for a random breath test, and then sitting nervously in the cop bus for 20 minutes, and eventually getting let off after 2 more tests.
Having to turn off my phone in the cop bus which cause it to not boot up properly after.
Having to restore the phone from a 6-month old backup, only to have it report a problem with the SIM card after.
Getting my laptop infected by malware as I surfed onto a dodgy site on a search quest to try to solve the problem.
Having to buy a replacement SIM card for $30.
I had an awesome weekend because I caught up with an old primary school friend from Malaysia whom I haven’t seen in 25 years(!). I always hear updates about her from a mutual friend and a couple of years ago, we got in touch with each other again via Facebook, but we haven’t seen each other in the flesh all this time, until today. She’s now a mother of 2, soon to be 3, and is living and working with her husband in Dubai.
She and her family are here in Perth for a 4 day holiday. Initially they were going to Japan but had to change their plans because of what had happened over there. So it was that fate would see them coming here, and giving me a chance to see her again.
Because she’s been reading my blog, I didn’t have to fill her in on what’s been happening with me so much. And although we only spent an hour catching up over coffee, and meeting her lovely kids (we both laughed about how they are lovely because they are not mine) and friendly husband, it really felt like we’ve made up for lost time.
It’s pretty amazing how we can meet after all these years and the conversation flowed so easily, like how it has been with the mutual friends that we have both kept in touch with. We surmised that our classmates and us are an awesome bunch – “we are just really nice people.” Hahah!
Here’s a class photo from 1986, the year we graduated from primary school. That’s me on the left and her on the right.
Here’s a close-up of us both.
She’s now a yummy mummy and I basically still look the same. Hahah! It was truly wonderful catching up with you and your family today Ying!
