1. Don’t tell her to relax. Don’t say that she’s over-reacting. Don’t ever EVAR use the phrase, “Don’t be so emotional”.
2. Just shut up and listen. You are not helping by offering a solution, especially when it’s a perfectly logical solution. Women don’t want or need your logic.
3. Don’t make jokes about her period and/or its symptoms. You will instead memorise her cycle and learn to live with it. Don’t compound her mood-swings by arguing about her mood-swings. See #1. If you can’t handle it, leave the room and let her be.
4. When she asks you to do something, it’s not a request.
5. Anytime that she tells you that she likes something, mental-note it. You are expected to remember and there will be many exams.
6. When she asks you if she looks ok/fat in something, don’t be brutally honest. Instead, say something like “I prefer that other dress”. That way, even if she doesn’t go with what you prefer and she won’t most of the time because “you don’t know anything about fashion and why did I even bother asking you”, you haven’t ruined her self-confidence for the day.
7. You don’t have to be spontaneous but you have to be automatic. Know the difference.
8. Say sorry and be done with it but make sure to at least pretend that you know what you are saying sorry for. Otherwise, you’ll also be saying sorry for not knowing what you are saying sorry for.
9. Not complaining about what she does for you is not the same as complimenting her for what she does for you. And a simple thank-you goes a long way.
10. All of the above should be reserved only for those who are worthy.

Remember, a happy woman is more willing to indulge your own neurotic whims.

I’ve wrote about this topic multiple times now …

• I’ve said that it can be possible if there is minimal or no sexual tension. Note I used the word “tension” and not “attraction” because I believe that you can find someone physically attractive without lusting after them.

  “Men and Women Can’t Be Friends”

• I’ve said that there’s nothing wrong being platonic friends with a girl, unless you happen to like them.

  Being the platonic friend is not that bad.

• I’ve also wondered about what if I liked men and there were no friend zone bullshit to deal with.

  Sexual frustration leads to gay talk.

And then this clip comes along and summarises it more succinctly than I can, by posing this very question to college guys and girls. If you don’t know it already, the difference in the way guys and girls think of this is HUGE.

Short answer: if they don’t mind boinking you, it’s not really a friendship anymore. And well, what’s so wrong about that?

Feminine charms allow women to get away with a lot of things, especially with guys. I say boo to that. You girls should know this: the only reason why some guys let you get away with the bullshit that you pull on them is because they are either shagging you or they want to shag you. And even then there’s a limit.

The rest of us who aren’t infatuated with you will treat you the way we would treat a guy friend and that is we would call you out on your crap and put you in your place. The day that we can’t even be bothered with that is the day that we can’t be bothered with the friendship anymore either.

It doesn’t have to come to that and we are not asking for a lot. A little common decency, consideration and politeness goes a long way. That’s how you want to be treated yourself, right?

And if you are a guy and you constantly find yourself being taken for granted by your female friends, this mantra will serve you well.

Her boyfriend is the one who has to put up with her shit because he’s the one who gets the poontang.

Tham and I had another one of our many discussions about man-woman dynamics recently. This time it was about how some girls instinctively put up their defensive shields when approached by single men. It is therefore pleasantly refreshing when we find out a girl is carefree and relaxed when she’s being chatted up. Even if we don’t like the girl that way we enjoy talking to girls who don’t question our motives and think that we are up to something. It’s so much easier and is one of the reasons that I hang out with married women. Hahah!

However, there is a downside to the girl being super friendly. If a guy is inexperienced or does not know any better he can easily mistake her friendliness and openness for her liking him romantically. That’s not a fault of the girl though – every guy should know this mantra by heart:

It’s all a lie until she touches your happy bits.

Another downside for the girl who’s popular with the guys is that she will inevitably attract bitchy comments from other girls. As sure as the sun will rise from the east, women can be catty to each other in their own clique and will be outright mean to those whom they have deemed not worthy or perceived to have wrong them in some way. And a girl who’s sucking all the male attention in the room away from them fits the bill perfectly. Women really are their own worst enemy.

Wholesome Lindsay Lohan is the best kind of Lindsay Lohan.

I had a conversation yesterday that reminded me of what I had wrote previously about sharing a lover. I’m pragmatic about it and my opinion of it remains unchanged and that is: if everyone concerned knows about the situation and is honest to each other about it, and that everyone’s needs whether financial, emotional or physical are met, then it can work.

But things can get complicated if kids are involved. Do you tell the kids and when do you tell them? If you tell the kids would they get bullied or teased in school about it? Kids do not have the emotional capacity and maturity to be able to understand it. And neither would most of their parents. Modern society is still not capable of accepting such a liberal arrangement yet.

Note that I said “modern society”. Whilst on one of their several trips to China, my parents encountered a tribe called the Mosuo in Yunnan Province. It is a matriarchal society and their approach to sex and child-rearing is decidedly liberal in the modern sense and there is no word for “father” or “husband”.

The traditional Axia system is marriage-free. Mosuo men call their beloved women Axia (“intimate companion”) and women call their lovers Azhu. They are not bound by marriage and will live in their mothers’ homes all their lives. Every adult Mosuo girl has a special Azhu house of her own where her lover can visit during the night but must leave early the next morning. If the girl wishes to stop the love affair she simply closes the door and then the man will not return. The lovers have no economic or legal ties: Their relationship is based only on mutual love and affection, where the will of the female is highly respected. If children are born into the family, they belong exclusively to the mother’s side and inherit her surname. They are raised with their mother and uncles and are not introduced to their father until their adult ceremony.

Mosuo: A Mysterious Matriarchal Group in China.

For more reading:
Mosuo – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
Is China’s Mosuo tribe the world’s last matriarchy? | Life and style | The Observer.

And here’s a good Youtube clip (embedding is disabled) – Mosuo Women – China.

see more Very Demotivational

Sometimes, 50/50 yeah … I would like her to …

• Decide what we are going to do for the night.
• Drive my car when we go out.
• Buy me a drink.
• Take care of herself when random guys harass her.
• Lead me to the bedroom.
• Be on top.

Yeah I’m all pro girl power like that. Woo woo! And no it doesn’t mean I’m lazy. It means that I’m enlightened.

It is always fascinating and interesting listening to my mom tell the stories of her love life. And whenever she gives me her thoughts about relationships, I realise that there isn’t much difference between our generations when it comes to affairs of the heart. Even though things happen quicker now and people are more impatient with their relationships, it’s still the same shit just with newer technology. Heh.

I once mentioned briefly about one of her more dramatic stories. She had broken up with her boyfriend of three years due to the persistent presence of his ex-girlfriend in their lives. Upon the persuasion of his mother and sister, and his written marriage proposal to her though (he was in Sydney and my mom was back in Penang), my mom decided to get back together with him.

However, his ex-girlfriend found out and wrote my mom a long letter. In it, she used the words “prepare for him to have a mistress” because she will never give him up. She also threatened to kill herself if she can’t have him. Long story short, my mom broke up with him again and he would eventually marry his ex-girlfriend.

It was all very melodramatic but this story showed how pragmatic my mom was. By breaking up with the guy, she took the painful decision away from him and it made for a quicker resolution. Whether or not the other girl deserves the guy is another story. My mom didn’t see the point of dragging out the fight with an irrational person. It may seemed like she lost but I think she was the winner.

She thinks with her head and not her heart and I feel that I share her logical approach to these things. For that I’m thankful.

Mom and grandpa, 1969

Mom’s 6-foot tall ex wearing a jumper that she knitted for him, 1970. If she had married this guy, I would have been taller and looked like Andy Lau.