I had a conversation yesterday that reminded me of what I had wrote previously about sharing a lover. I’m pragmatic about it and my opinion of it remains unchanged and that is: if everyone concerned knows about the situation and is honest to each other about it, and that everyone’s needs whether financial, emotional or physical are met, then it can work.

But things can get complicated if kids are involved. Do you tell the kids and when do you tell them? If you tell the kids would they get bullied or teased in school about it? Kids do not have the emotional capacity and maturity to be able to understand it. And neither would most of their parents. Modern society is still not capable of accepting such a liberal arrangement yet.

Note that I said “modern society”. Whilst on one of their several trips to China, my parents encountered a tribe called the Mosuo in Yunnan Province. It is a matriarchal society and their approach to sex and child-rearing is decidedly liberal in the modern sense and there is no word for “father” or “husband”.

The traditional Axia system is marriage-free. Mosuo men call their beloved women Axia (“intimate companion”) and women call their lovers Azhu. They are not bound by marriage and will live in their mothers’ homes all their lives. Every adult Mosuo girl has a special Azhu house of her own where her lover can visit during the night but must leave early the next morning. If the girl wishes to stop the love affair she simply closes the door and then the man will not return. The lovers have no economic or legal ties: Their relationship is based only on mutual love and affection, where the will of the female is highly respected. If children are born into the family, they belong exclusively to the mother’s side and inherit her surname. They are raised with their mother and uncles and are not introduced to their father until their adult ceremony.

Mosuo: A Mysterious Matriarchal Group in China.

For more reading:
Mosuo – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
Is China’s Mosuo tribe the world’s last matriarchy? | Life and style | The Observer.

And here’s a good Youtube clip (embedding is disabled) – Mosuo Women – China.

see more Very Demotivational

Sometimes, 50/50 yeah … I would like her to …

• Decide what we are going to do for the night.
• Drive my car when we go out.
• Buy me a drink.
• Take care of herself when random guys harass her.
• Lead me to the bedroom.
• Be on top.

Yeah I’m all pro girl power like that. Woo woo! And no it doesn’t mean I’m lazy. It means that I’m enlightened.

It is always fascinating and interesting listening to my mom tell the stories of her love life. And whenever she gives me her thoughts about relationships, I realise that there isn’t much difference between our generations when it comes to affairs of the heart. Even though things happen quicker now and people are more impatient with their relationships, it’s still the same shit just with newer technology. Heh.

I once mentioned briefly about one of her more dramatic stories. She had broken up with her boyfriend of three years due to the persistent presence of his ex-girlfriend in their lives. Upon the persuasion of his mother and sister, and his written marriage proposal to her though (he was in Sydney and my mom was back in Penang), my mom decided to get back together with him.

However, his ex-girlfriend found out and wrote my mom a long letter. In it, she used the words “prepare for him to have a mistress” because she will never give him up. She also threatened to kill herself if she can’t have him. Long story short, my mom broke up with him again and he would eventually marry his ex-girlfriend.

It was all very melodramatic but this story showed how pragmatic my mom was. By breaking up with the guy, she took the painful decision away from him and it made for a quicker resolution. Whether or not the other girl deserves the guy is another story. My mom didn’t see the point of dragging out the fight with an irrational person. It may seemed like she lost but I think she was the winner.

She thinks with her head and not her heart and I feel that I share her logical approach to these things. For that I’m thankful.

Mom and grandpa, 1969

Mom’s 6-foot tall ex wearing a jumper that she knitted for him, 1970. If she had married this guy, I would have been taller and looked like Andy Lau.

The Hamster Factor @ flickr

I am in no hurry.
Fast or slow,
As long as I’m with you,
It’s all good.

On the weekend, I was talking to a very attractive girl, a girl that I thought was more attractive than her boyfriend. My reactions were incredulity, curiousity, and envy. In that order. As I talked to her more, I discovered that she is the epitome of every nerdy geek’s dream girl. She reads manga, watches anime and is a hardcore World of Warcraft player. All the while looking like honey-coated candy cotton fluff. She’s delicious is what I’m saying, in case it wasn’t obvious enough. Heheh.

She told me they had met at the supermarket that they were working in at the time. He was persistent. She thought that he was creepy. But eventually, he won her over and they got together anyway. Can the story get any more rom-com or what?!

After hearing her side of the story, I thought I should now talk to the guy and learn his magic tricks. And there were none. There were no tricks. He was just being himself, being sincere with her. The fact that he liked the same things that she did was a big factor of course. But there’s always this hesitation to find out more about a person whom one doesn’t find physically attractive at first, isn’t there? Plus he had a big barrier to cross because she had already thought that he was creepy. So I can imagine the day that they started talking about their interests and it hits them that they really have a lot in common.

Like I said, it’s such a rom-com.

I has always had the belief that there must be at least a slight level of mutual physical attraction to hold a relationship together. But, personality counts for more in the long run. And it is also the thing that can compensate for that initial lack of physical attraction. Love happens, one way or another.

“Pretty is as pretty does”. Proverb to mean: It is more important to treat people well than to be good-looking; just because you are good-looking does not mean you are a good person. (Said only of girls and women.)

source

And sometimes you just have to take that plunge and talk to her
(xkcd.com)

Tela Chhe @ flickr

I was talking to my friend Ally about her love life. But instead of talking more about it, she wanted me to write it out here. Apparently, I write better than I talk. Hahah. Gee thanks.

So the situation is, she’s currently in a long-distance relationship which has its usual ups and downs, except magnified by the distance. Then he proposed to her and she accepted. However, they won’t see each other for another year due to various reasons.

She wanted me to give her my opinion. The catch is that I can’t base it on what I think of him as a boyfriend/fiance because she said that I have only ever heard the bad stuff that she complains about, and that my perception of him might be a bit biased. Hmm, now where have I heard that before?

I feel like a juror being asked by the judge to ignore a key piece of evidence due to some technicality. But anyhoo, I think I can be objective and logical about it still. So here goes. I don’t think a diamond ring changes the relationship at all. You’re still physically apart and a lot can happen in a year. You might get bored and he might get bored, and there’s always the temptation to stray.

However, him giving you the diamond ring indicates to me that he’s more afraid of losing you than the other way around. I’ve asked you before if you are happy with him, or want to be with him long term and you had answered that he is very good to you mostly. That is a non-answer which says a lot about how you really feel.

If you can marry someone for the comfort that he provides and not for love, and you can handle the relationship being so one-sided, then that’s your choice to make. But the fact that you have asked me for my opinion shows me that you are not really sure if you want to do that.

And if you are unsure about it, it’s only fair to give the ring back to him and call it off now rather than tell him a year down the road. Although feelings might change and you might grow to love him more during this year apart. But right now? I don’t have a good opinion about it to give you.

Ultimately, it’s your decision to make. My advice is to not be selfish about it. As in, don’t think about what’s good for you only. You gotta think about how the poor guy feels too. If I were him, I’d rather that you cut me deep now which gives me the time to heal and to pursue other opportunities, than waste a year waiting for you.

I wish you luck.

A while ago, I wrote a post about how some women manipulate the men who fancies them, titled “The Mind Fuck“. Over the past two weeks, that post has been ranking very highly for the following search phrases:

• mind fuck any girl
• how to mind fuck a girl

To those who had stumbled onto my post looking for tips on how to play major head games with women, I apologise that I offered no such tips. That said, how to mind fuck a girl is very much similar to how a guy gets mind fucked.

The basic idea is that the girl must like you enough to want to be with you. That places you in the power position because she wants something that only you can provide – you. Saying nice things to her, asking her out, touching her in a certain way, all of these things will mind fuck her because of the false hope that you are giving her.

I’ve never been in that position before because I’ve always been the one who’d stick my neck out to pursue a girl. I’ve always hated the mind games and I’ve learnt from them a lot. It’s what made me the cynical bastard that I am today. Even if I ever get to be in that position of power, because I know how sucky it feels to be played with, I am not going to toy with someone’s emotion. Only bad things can come from doing that.

But you know what’s the only good thing about mind games and cruel intentions? They make great stories for awesome movies.