Me: Hey mom, you know that matrimonial charm you gave me?
Mom: Yeah?
Me: I lost it.
Mom: It’s ok. I’ve got spares. *goes to her room, comes back and hands me another one* Here you go.
Me: … !

Mom is kinda awesome like that. Or you know, she really REALLY wants a daugher-in-law.

My brother is a man of big contrasts. He watches and reads movies, novels and magazines which are cerebral and thought-provoking. Yet in his every day life, he lives it the simplest way he can. He has simple needs - his job, his cigarettes, his beer, his food and his like-minded friends. He doesn’t splurge on material things, but unless he’s planning for a holiday or a major purchase, he doesn’t save much either because he doesn’t believe in rainy days. Although he does live within his means and he has no debt.

Our Cantonese maid in Malaysia used to say this about him, roughly translated:

If the sky ever falls on him, he’d just treat it as a blanket.

He doesn’t plan much for the future. This of course, causes a great deal of consternation for my parents. Because to not have a plan for one’s life and to have a just-enough mentality about money is very much not the Chinese way. We’d prefer stability over uncertainty while he lives it one day at a time.

In a way, his easy-going approach towards life may be enviable. Because while we fret and worry about things that may never happen, he’s cruising along enjoying the simplest pleasures that life has to offer. Like I’ve always said though, ultimately our lives are about the journey rather than the artificial milestones and timetable. There isn’t a “correct” way to living, and we are all entitled to seek happiness in our own ways.

So happy 29th birthday Marvin! Maybe you should be the one lecturing us about our lives rather than the other way around.

On a fine Northbridge evening, the family headed out to K’s Restaurant for mom’s 61st birthday dinner.

Joining us were Uncle Alex and Aunty Judy, and cousins Reucas and Yvonne.

The food was excellent. Everyone enjoyed what they ordered, especially my parents and Uncle Alex and Aunty Judy who don’t normally go out for gourmet food.

On with the food porn. I can’t remember the exact names of the dishes so bear with my 100% literal description of them.

This is a scallop puff pastry thing that everyone had as entree.

K’s marinated steak, medium-rare. Yum.

K’s fish of the day.

K’s braised duck.

And we finished off with a selection of desserts: green-tea brulee, mango pudding, black sesame pudding and a very light Japanese cheesecake.

Happy birthday again, mom!

Mom’s 61st birthday is tomorrow and we are having a family dinner on Sunday night. At first we were gonna have the usual Japanese dinner that we do every year (her favourite!). Then I had a brain flash and thought we should try out something different this year. So we are going to K’s Restaurant in Northbridge to sample their French-Japanese fusion cuisine.

I’ve been there a few times many years ago - last time was NYE 2000. I wonder why did I stop going? The food was good and the ambience was excellent. You get to choose from 3 degustation sets with prices at $38, $45 and $55. The style of cuisine is similar to Tetsuya’s in Sydney at a third of the price. I’m assuming that from the pictures and descriptions on the Tetsuya’s site, and from what people have told me because I have never been. The idea of paying lots of money for food does not run in the family, so all this time that I’ve been going to Sydney my relatives there have never taken us.

K’s do not have a website so I can’t show you what it looks like but no fret - I’ll be taking pictures. I always enjoy sharing new places to go with my folks, so it should be a fun night for us all.

Mom dropped this on my desk …

Me: What’s this?
Mom: It’s a matrimonial charm. It worked for your cousins in Penang. They swear by it.
Me: So you are saying that my natural charm and good looks aren’t good enough?
Mom: Well no, but we all know that you can do with some help.
Me: Who’s “we”?
Mom: Never mind, just put it in your wallet ok?

If it works, you’ll read about it here first.

Am heading off to Penang once again tomorrow and will be there for a week, coming back the following Sunday. I will have net access as I’m working half-days from the service apartment we will be staying at. The place is a short walk to Gurney Plaza with its pubs and pretty girls. Work or beer and girls? Work or beer and girls? Work or beer and girls? Heheh.

You may remember I last went in June for my cousin Shane’s wedding. This time, it’s for the 90th birthday of my dad’s mother - a.k.a. the nasty mother-in-law.

I’m so gonna get cut from the will.

The mother of all Mother-in-Laws, the Empress Dowager Cixi who was so overbearing that she ruled China through two weak Emperors, the first her son, and the second her nephew. Imagine what their wives went through.

The nasty mother-in-law is a universal stereotype in all cultures. And recently I found out that my father’s mother is one too.

To understand the following story, you have to understand the dynamics of traditional Chinese families. And to make it less complicated, I’m assuming the case of a woman marrying into a family with only one son*. Typically the daughter-in-law would rank lower than the husband’s parents, the husband and the grandchildren, in particular the grandsons. It can be inferred from that that daughter-in-laws are merely there to produce children who will carry on the family name.

And to set the scenario, my father is his father’s eldest son, and my brother and I are the only grandsons with the family name. Going by traditional norms, my mother would be considered by my grandmother to be the lowest in importance in our family of four.

For the past 2 months that my grandmother has been staying with us, all of us have witnessed everything from mild insults to sarcasm. A couple of times, I even heard my grandmother say one thing to my mother and another to my father. Maybe she needs to see people fight for entertainment in her old age. The reasons that I can put it down to are spite and jealousy of the other woman in my dad’s life.

Even though my mother always had the suspicion that my grandmother never really liked her, we didn’t think too much of it because my grandmother never lived with us for any period of time, and my dad is not a pushover who listens to his mother all the time.

What I don’t get is that my grandmother would have probably went through the same when she married into the Ooi family, so why isn’t she more understanding? And her story is even more interesting. My grandfather was a middle child and his mother was the third wife - I don’t know how the dynamics worked in that one!* Think I need to go rent out “Raise the Red Lantern” to brush up on my knowledge.

And to put it all in even greater perspective, this is the same grandmother whose children are fighting over her will even before she’s dead. It’s a mess but karma perhaps?

* Chinese family politics and dynamics are endlessly fascinating, like one of those games or quizzes where you have to put things in their proper order. Most of what I’ve spoken about here are considered outdated and dysfunctional by today’s standards, even though it is still happening in varying degrees.