I don’t fancy having to buy presents. I don’t fancy receiving presents either. Maybe it’s because the last great present that I got, the last one which made me really really happy was when I was 10: I got an encyclopedia that I first learnt about sex from. Yeah, it was awesome. Everything else after that? Not so much.

Ok correction: there have been some awesome presents that I’ve bought myself. I bought myself a bike when I was 13, a Sega Megadrive after my Year 12 TEE, my two cars, customisations and sound-systems for both, a TV and a home theatre system, and an Xbox 360 and games for it. And I’ve been buying myself clothes and shoes too.

So it’s not about the money. I can afford it and I don’t mind spending it on friends either. But it’s the thought of having to buy something material that drives me nuts sometimes. And sometimes the effort goes unnoticed too.

Take for example, buying gifts for secret-santa and gift raffles. Even though I don’t like the idea of buying presents, if I’m tasked with doing it I would put an effort into it. I’d think of what I’d like to receive myself, and I’d even find the best gift for the budget that I’m limited to. I take pride in what I buy. But sometimes, what you receive in return can be greatly disappointing. Chocolates? Are you kidding me?! I rather that you’ve given me the $20! It’s like the other person hated buying presents too and unlike me, really couldn’t give a shit about it. So why bother?! Ugh.

The old saying goes: it’s the thought that counts. Ok but why must that thought be in the form of a physical gift? Because buying presents for the same person year in and year out can get quite difficult, right? Why can’t the present be treating your friend to a nice dinner and drinks later, and being nice to them all the time? You know, doing favours without expecting any in return, or helping them out anytime that they asked for it?

Perhaps this is all because I am not a sentimental person. I don’t place values in “things”. Or it could be because my family don’t place much thought on birthdays and buying presents for each other. This may be cliched but “everyday is Mother’s Day” and “everyday is Father’s Day” with us.

Whatever the reason, I admit it: I don’t get the concept of buying and receiving presents. I’ve been told as much too. Though if you are my friend, you’d know that it’s not because I’m cheap or I don’t care about you. It’s quite the contrary. And seriously, there’s no need to buy me a present. But you can throw me a party if you want to.

I had wanted to go out on Friday night, despite having to work early Saturday morning. I’ve done it before and it’s no biggie – I’ve got the rest of the weekend to recover. So I had sent the word around my group on Thursday but no one could make up their minds at the time.

So comes Friday evening and I was at home waiting for calls that never came, and I was still deciding if I would go even if I would be going alone because tyDi was spinning at Rise and it should be a good show.

By 11pm, no one had called to confirm anything and by that time I was kinda cosy in bed so I thought I’d be sensible and just stay home instead. Missing one night out wasn’t that big a deal. Then, Kayo called at around 11:40pm saying that I can go pick her and Kitty up. I said, “Huh? I am in bed already. I’m not going.” I had told them that had they called much earlier, I would have gone but not when I was already in my sleeping clothes and falling asleep in bed.

It wasn’t until Saturday afternoon when I found out what had transpired.

Kayo and Kitty had assumed that I was going to go regardless of whether I had company or not, and they thought that they should not let me go alone. So at around 9pm they both agreed that they would go, and had mentioned to each other that they would arrange for me to go pick them up. So off they went getting dressed and looking pretty for the night. Except – they both assumed that the other person will be calling me, and in the end neither of them did. And when they both realised this and did call at 11:40pm, well you know the rest.

Meanwhile, since I’ve already let them know that there is no pressure to come out if they didn’t want to, I was really only thinking of myself. And I assumed that if I decided that I wasn’t going to go out after all, I didn’t have to call anyone to let them know. So I didn’t. Kayo and Kitty both said that I should have called, and well you know the rest of the story here too.

You know how they say “assumption is the mother of all screw-ups” and when you assume, “you make an ass out of you and me”? This was so true here. So the outcome of this story is that we all agree to confirm and re-confirm next time.

And ironically, I couldn’t get into the building for work the next morning because my access card had stopped working and I was sent home by my manager. So had I known that this was going to happen, I would not have gone to bed that early, and I would have gone out with the girls even if they had called pretty late. Argh!

At the time, none of this seemed very funny to me at all. But now, it’s freaking hilarious.

I think mom is getting more desperate than I am.

Mom: All the girls that you see these days, none of them are single?
Me: Nope.
Mom: They’ve all got boyfriends?
Me: Yup.
Mom: Ever thought of stealing them?
Me: Err …. no because karma is a bitch.
Mom: Yes yes, I suppose you are right.

And she would know: she’s a devout Buddhist.

A recent study done at Wake Forest University and Queens College in the US found that when it comes to physical attractiveness of the opposite sex, there are frequently more consensus among men than there are among women.

“Men agree a lot more about who they find attractive and unattractive than women agree about who they find attractive and unattractive,” says Dustin Wood, assistant professor of psychology. “This study shows we can quantify the extent to which men agree about which women are attractive and vice versa.”

Science Daily – Rating Attractiveness: Consensus Among Men, Not Women, Study Finds

What this means is that a group of men will almost certainly find the same women attractive, while what some women will find physically attractive is not necessarily true for other women in the same group.

Translation: heterosexual men faces more competition for mates than heterosexual women do. Indirectly, this means men need to expend more time, energy and yes, money, in attracting mates and then guarding them from other potential suitors.

Women may have you think that it’s hard to be a woman in the dating game too, that it ain’t easy looking pretty all the time, and men can be such jerks and you think it’s easy walking in these heels?!

But I dare say that men have to go through more for the same goal. Why do we need to get into a good school? So that we can get a good job. Why do we need a good job? So that we can have money. And why do we need to have money? So that we can afford a nice car, a house and nice dinners at expensive restaurants. And why do we do all of that? Chicks, man. It’s all for the chicks.

(see Defamer)

The other day, I was telling Tham one of my theories about how men and women select their mates.

Two guys of similar appearance and personality.
Nice guys.
One is rich, one not so rich.
The girl will always pick the rich one.

I don’t see anything wrong with the above. I don’t see any need to get bitter about it because that’s the reality.

A couple of months back there was an episode of “Lie To Me” where the lie-detection experts were hired by a rich guy to analyse his fiance. His question: does she love him for him or because he’s rich?

After speaking with the woman casually without her knowing who they were, and analysing her responses and body language, the team of experts concluded that she does indeed love him for his money. The rich guy was disappointed and wanted to call off the wedding. Then the team added, “Yes she loves you for your money, but she also loves you. To her, the two are indistinguishable.” Still not convinced by that argument, the team then poses the question, “How is that different to you loving her because she’s a beautiful woman?”

And the answer is: there is no difference. Men are biologically driven to mate with young and pretty women because those traits are perceived to be synonymous with health and good genes, while women prefer mates who can provide for her and her children.*

So as much as we like to think of ourselves as not being shallow or materialistic, to a certain extent we all are. So, let’s not get hung up about it, let’s accept the reality and mate accordingly. At the very least, I dare say that that will lead to less angst and bitterness about who doesn’t deserve whom.

* for further reading on this, check out Desmond Morris’ excellent documentary and book, “The Human Animal“.

When you’re single,
you’re exactly as happy as you are.

When you’re married,
you can only be as happy as the least
happy person in the relationship.

My favourite shows on TV besides crime procedurals like “CSI” and “Law and Order”, are shows that explore the funny dynamics of male-female relationships, and “Rules of Engagement” is one of those shows. The characters include a married couple, a young couple who just got engaged, and their single guy friend who doesn’t want to settle down even though he’s turning 40.

The show is full of great lines like the above and the casting is spot on, especially Patrick Warburton as the husband, and David Spade as the sleazy older guy. To give you a feel of the show, here’s a clip showing the cast doing a read through of part of an episode.

And here are some outtakes.

And yes, I like to think of myself as the David Spade character in the show. Although I am not as lucky with women.

Richard_Miles @ flickr

I’ve always enjoyed female company. I like being around them, talking to them, and interacting with them even if most of the time it doesn’t lead to anything romantic. So yeah, I love it.

And when I’m not with them, I think about them. Some days when I’m in a reflective mood, I like walking around the perfume counters of a department store. I like walking around taking in the scents which can, at any random time, trigger a memory of an encounter, an ex-girlfriend or a relationship that never was.

That memory can trigger more memories, or it can lead me down a path of wondering and reminiscing. And most times, I would walk out smiling.