Pube Maintenance


July 18, 2005 6:52 PM


Those of you who use communal toilets on a daily basis would know what I’m talking about. I walk into the toilets at work and what do I see there on the urinals and the toilets? You guess it – pubes! The wall-mounted waist-high urinals* are the worst, especially when they’re placed a bit too high for me. There I am standing on my toes and if I lose my balance, one part of my bare-ness would be brushing up against something that shouldn’t be touched without gloves and some strong chemicals. I shudder to think that one of these mutant pubes might come into contact with me.

I say mutant because they are not short, cute little curly ones (if they can be cute at all). I’m talking about pubes that bear an unsettling resemblance to steelwool. So call me a hygiene freak but if you are shedding pubes on a regular basis (and I know you see them too because the urinals are ceramic white, you disgusting f**ks!), isn’t it high time to give the suckers a trim? Keeping them short also mean that you don’t have to rummage through a forest of hair to find your genitals. And two big collateral benefits – it makes it look bigger and you might even get more “service” down there.

So do us decent folks out there a favour and take a shaver and some shaving cream to it. Don’t know how? Here’s a guide (worksafe – only a pic of some hair ;)).


* For the ladies in the house, there are 3 kinds of urinals: wall mounted urinals that are waist-high or floor length, and the ones that look like a drain that you step into. The drain ones are obviously the best because you are guaranteed not to come into contact with it and you don’t have to see any kind of gross-out bodily fluids and refuse up close.

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