Eww, that’s gross!

April 3, 2006 12:49 PM

A 2-parter about sex and learning about it whilst growing up. (Part 1 is here)

When I got into high school, there were suddenly older kids who knew a lot more than the older kids in primary school did. Natch. And one of the things that they knew about was porn. As in, porn with sounds and movement. Up till then, I had only the encyclopedia, the soft-porn magazines and the flowery words in romance novels describing the sexual act aiding my imagination.

I haven’t yet seen ppl actually doing it, until one fine day …

Friend: Hey. I heard there’s a blue tape being passed around.
Me: Blue? The tape is blue? Is it a special tape or what?
Friend: Blue! You know, *in hushed voice* duuurty.
Me: Oh. Sex?
Friend: Yeah lah! Oops. *quietened down again* Yes yes.
Me: Whose tape is it?
Friend: I think it’s [Anon]’s.
Me: Shall we go ask him if we could borrow it?
Friend: Yeah yeah.

One week later we got the tape in our grubby little hands. We were so afraid that we’d get caught with it in school, we arranged to pick it up outside of school and quickly got into my friend’s car (he had a chaffeur) and headed home.

When we got back to my place, there was no way we could have watched it. The maid and my little brother was home. We then decided to watch it at my friend’s place – he doesn’t have a maid and his parents are out.

So we put it in and we were prepared to be amazed but we were more shocked than anything.

Eww gross!
He’s putting a banana into her and he’s EATING her down there. That’s disgusting.
She’s pouring chocolate syrup on his birdie and erm … ARGH SICK! Turn it off!

That was 15 minutes into the movie. We didn’t even see the penetration. We had never known that you can use your mouths like that. Of course, how could we? At the time, we still think of our genitals as dirty because pee comes out of it. To our immature and ignorant minds, to put your mouth *there* was just too horrible to imagine.

So that was my first ever porno movie. I had a lot to learn. And I haven’t yet hit puberty until I came to Australia at 14. Yeah late bloomer and all that. One of the more memorable quotes I can remember came from a friend who had started masturbating before any of us had. I mean we had started having wet dreams but we haven’t yet progressed to touching ourselves.

You shouldn’t start ‘cos you can’t stop yourself once you do.

Words of wisdom indeed. Of course, kids being kids, the first thing that popped into our heads was:

That good? I gotta give it a go.

The rest as they say is history. Over the years, we got exposed to more porn that was being passed around and we pretty much knew all there is to know. And there were mandatory sex-ed classes in school where we were told about safe sex, preventing pregnancies and diseases.

We had the theory down pat. But strangely enough, I didn’t hear any stories of anyone in our high school ever having sex. Nor did we know of anyone who did. Not until we went to uni.

By then, it was time to put the theories in practice. Needless to go into details but I believe that the stories that I could tell would sound awfully familiar to all of you who are reading this.

The fumbling around, the anxiety about the first time, the “putting on two condoms just in case”, getting used to the bodily fluids and smells etc. It is a common story. The mystery of sex may have gone but thinking about how I learnt all that I’ve learnt growing up still cracks me up every time.

[tags]sex, sex education[/tags]

15 thoughts on “Eww, that’s gross!

  1. Pingback: Mooiness! » Where do babies come from?

  2. emiriyoshikawa

    I had my 1st “blue tape” when I was 9… went to my buddy’s home and he took it out from his father’s secret hiding place…

    Suddenly we’re like 9 going 19…
    We shared one can of stout and watch it like big boy… but I nearly scream when the guy poke into the pussy… gross!

    Half way thru the “show” my friend run to the window and started throwing up… upon see that, I puked too… it was messy!

    Till this day we still are still debating whether is it the stout or the shock that causes we to vomit…

  3. mooiness Post author

    michael: of course there’s more to life than sex. but it’s a big part of it. 🙂

    emiriyo: hahahah! good story! I’d say it’s more the stout lah. I mean it’s potent stuff when you are only 9. Maybe you were queasy already from the stout, and then seeing the “money shot” just make you throw up. HAH!

  4. Simplysiti


    “You shouldn’t start ‘cos you can’t stop yourself once you do.”

    I like that. Like the Pringles potato chips line.

    But sometimes, the hormones control your body in such a way that you cant help but stop *shrugs*. Then, how?

  5. Herman

    Wahahahahah !!! Reminds me of my childhood. I still remember how Me, my best friend and my younger brother always watch porn and pass materials around. Always sneaking around. We didn’t passed tapes or discs around tho, we used computers and I always pester my parents to allow me to buy new Hdds … U can guess why. lol.

  6. mooiness Post author

    herman: ahhh….you kids these days with your fancy electronic toys. Heh. I was watching it on good old VHS man! So bulky to sneak around.

  7. Leonard

    ayo, ur post brought back memories of watching my first “blue” tape while eating the Big Mac, almost puke … later got used to it already except those really gross type that i can’t describe here…

    abt DIY-ing also the same…guess all man goes thru the same cycle…it was fun!!

  8. Zer0

    I think I watched my first (Euro) porn tape at the tender age of …was it 8 or 9 or 10? We rented one of the rooms of our holiday condo to Dad’s playboy friend who was then living with his air stewardess girlfriend. He got this huge throve of porn tapes in the video cabinet in the living room. I woke up very early in the morning to sneak a peek. think I got diarrhoea after watching that.

    Prior to that, I’ve been raiding Dad’s wardrobe for Penthouse magazines when no one’s around at home.

  9. mooiness Post author

    zero: woah those Euro ones are definitely more hard core man! Wahaha and you’ve been raiding for magazines since before 8? Woah. You da champ.


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