My parents and I

April 9, 2006 11:51 AM

Taken at Dad’s birthday 2005

My parents are not the affectionate kind. Nor do they really talk much to each other. I mean really talk. Most of the times, it’s either to ask the other to do something or it’s an argument. It wasn’t always like this. I could still remember seeing my parents kiss each other before they leave for work each day. And also the conversations at the dinner table when my brother and I were little kids.

So what happened? I don’t know. The fact that they haven’t divorced yet is amazing enough. Sometimes their arguments would be so intense with the both of them yelling over each other’s voices, I’d get so frustrated and I’d swear at them to “fucking shut up!”

And it works. Heh. Purely because of the shock factor. Then they’d quieten down a bit and stew over it in their little corners of the house. Dad in front of the TV or computer, and mom in the kitchen.

I’d say that over the years, instead of appreciating each other more, they’d just learnt to tolerate each other more. Which obviously isn’t the best. And sometimes that tolerance has its limits.

Where’s the kids in this picture? Well my brother talks a lot with my mother because he’s working with her at the restaurant. After work though, he’s usually out and even when he’s in, he’s in front of the TV or computer – him and my father are quite alike! Even when dad and him are watching the same program, they don’t talk so much. Except maybe about the FA Cup and the English Premier League which they both love.

It is usually left to me to talk to them both, at the same time. The only common thing between my parents now is that they both watch the same TV shows: all the Law and Order and CSI shows, Desperate Housewives, Lost and Prison Break. Incidentally, those are my favourite shows too.

It’d be the three of us on the couch most weeknights when I go over for dinner. TV shows is the “glue”, while I faciliate the conversations. If it’s not about the shows, I’d tell them about my personal life and my friends, show them my blog and get their opinions on stuff. It is then that I’d truly see them converse and it gives me a little joy everytime that that happens.

So I’ve learnt to accept the fact that they probably won’t revert back to the way they were when they were newly weds or even when we were kids. Ppl change and that’s understandable. If it requires me to encourage conversation between the two of them, then I’m happy to do it.

There’s nothing better than to bring joy into another person’s life, even for brief moments at a time.

18 thoughts on “My parents and I

  1. dsnake

    Well, ppl do chg. I believe even married folks do tend to chg after having kids or grew older. They do love each other, yet do not show it as much as they do when everythg was new and exciting in the early years. I know my parents (both in 60s) tend to argue and tell each other off more (yelling sometimes). Yet i can see thru them, that they do care and love each other. Imagine spending more than 10 yrs together, the emotional bondage, care and feeling/commited responsibility to each other will always be there. You cant possible just, freeze ur heart from these feelings

  2. mooiness Post author

    BM: you may not be able to write about your family like I did, but you sure can write great stuff about everything else.

    Andrew: high praise man! Thanks.

    koyuuken: dark colours are slimming.

    dsnake: true that, but in some cases the feelings can be lost.

    YC: I think my head is smaller, heh. About fighting to show affections, you mean like those ppl who’d argue and then have hot make-up sex after!? Oh no! I can’t get that picture of my head! 😛

    Snowflake: Thanks!

  3. Zer0

    I’ve ever smashed my favourite coffee mug on the floor when there was an altercation going on in the family, over my sister’s behaviour.

    It shut everyone up but the broken shards also cut my dad. I don’t think I’ll ever do that again because it was hurtful. emotionally.

  4. mooiness Post author

    Leonard: Thanks man! I’m really happy with the responses here. I think it’s a story that ppl can relate to on all sorts of levels. 🙂

    Zer0: conversely, I am thinking that when your family saw how worked up you were over the issue I bet that it did at least made them think twice of how they were behaving.

  5. blinkymummy

    “Zer0: conversely, I am thinking that when your family saw how worked up you were over the issue I bet that it did at least made them think twice of how they were behaving.”

    Sometimes, people are just too stubborn or blind to realise what they have been doing.

    And the most scary part is that some don’t ever learn.

  6. mooiness Post author

    BM: all that, or they don’t want to change because they don’t think what they are doing is wrong. Yup, some even maintain that stubborness till they die. Children who won’t talk to their parents, siblings not talking to each other – it’s really a waste.

    You only got one life and one family.

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