Last Friday, Wendy and I and a new acquiantance of 3 weeks, called Ben* went out for drinks and dinner. We had a couple of drinks over interesting conversation and everything was hunky dory at this stage. Then we headed to a nearby restaurant for dinner. As the conversation continued, we had no inkling about what was to happen. Wendy was saying something when Ben suddenly said to her in a serious tone,
I was bemused and so was Wendy:
Careful for what? What did I say?
Ben just continued on about “being careful”. I do not want to go into the details of the conversation but suffice to say it was of a personal nature. But what got me and Wendy bemused was that we were all sharing details of that particular topic so why the sudden sensitivity? Everyone of us was commenting about each other. Yes there was sarcasm but everyone was in on it.
It made everyone tense. Wendy was annoyed not knowing what had caused Ben’s reaction because Ben wasn’t forthcoming about it. I was on Wendy’s side but didn’t want to inflame the situation so I sought to quieten them down. This was towards the end of the meal so I quickly got up and settled the bill. I then hurried back to the table and said,
Alright, alright, let’s go for more drinks!
I took Wendy aside and asked her to just leave it: Ben was just being ultra-sensitive and hypocritical about it all. But she was offended for being chided for no obvious reason and wasn’t ready to give up. All the way back to the pub and while I was buying the drinks (yeah I know – I’m such a good friend! :D), their little argument continued. It stewed and stewed even after that drink when to the relief of both Wendy and I, Ben said that he will catch a taxi home. After he left, Wendy said to me:
We are not going out with him again.
Here’s my thoughts about it all:
- had Ben just said, “This is kinda sensitive for me and I don’t really want to talk about it,” we would have taken the hint and moved on to something else.
- as acquiantances, or even friends, sometimes we do not fully know what makes you tick and what doesn’t – we are not mind readers. Saying “be careful” and expecting us to know what for without any explanation is ludicrous.
- … because of the above reason, getting pissy about it all is a surefire way of losing friends and souring ppl’s impression of you.
I don’t like going out with ultra-sensitive ppl who can joke about other ppl but don’t like it when it’s the other way around. I don’t like ppl who’d get upset and not tell you why, and then get aggresive and argumentative because you don’t know why that they are upset.
Fuck! Life is too short so I will just keep the friends that are sensible and are happy to be around me. Everyone else who expect ppl to “respect their feelings” when they don’t reciprocate it can fuck off.
* not his real name but close enough 😉