Rant of a Single Guy

May 17, 2006 12:01 AM

“Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.”

Johnny Carson

Once people pair off, naturally their activities start to revolve more around themselves and other couples. Not that they set out to be mean to us singles of course, but it grates. Activities like hanging out with other couples exclusively. Having dinner in places where you can get two-for-one, except the poor single person who has to pay full price. Going on road trips where the single person have to fork out more for a room because they are not sharing. You get the gist.

I’ve been there many times and I’ve done that many times. And I don’t feel like being the proverbial cat among the pigeons anymore. Is this a reason why many couples don’t seem to have that many single friends? I mean, not that I expect you all to find me a girlfriend but it’s not hard to understand why I haven’t met anyone new through you guys in ages.

Don’t get me wrong, I like happy couples. I feel joy at weddings. That’s not a lie. But outside of a wedding, I don’t want to be in a room full of couples. One couple I can stand, two max. Anymore than that and I’m not going to that dinner thing you just organised.

Monica: Hey, Phoebe, guess what I’m thinking.
Phoebe: Oh, okay. How it’s been so long since you’ve had sex and wondering if they’ve changed it?
Monica: No, only now that’s what I’m thinking.


It’s worse if the couples all have kids or are having kids – conversation about sex to your friend’s pregnant wife is always tricky! Even more tricky when there are kids running around calling you “Uncle Marcus”.

But I do like kids. I adore all my younger cousins especially my aunty Cass’s kids – Reucas’s younger brothers. However, in a room already filled with couples they serve as amplifiers of my single condition and a constant reminder that I should really be out sowing my seeds somewhere. And I just don’t need that.

“Uh uh, no. Condoms are for single men. The day we got engaged, I said goodbye to the condom forever.”

George Constanza

I’m ok with singlehood and I don’t like being the subject of pity, as if I’m missing out on something fantastic. I don’t need you to fix me up with anyone. Porn will do me fine physically, and emotionally? I’m rock solid.

Jeff: You know what having a girlfriend is like? Having a girlfriend is like legalized sex.
Steve: Jeff, sex is legal.
Jeff: You know what I mean, when I have sex with Julia, it’s just so… realistic.


Treat me as a full person, and not something “half-filled”. Single people are people too. And by the way? Get a room. 😉

[tags]single life[/tags]

15 thoughts on “Rant of a Single Guy

  1. ricka

    What can I say? Ya know Marcus, I always thought you were very together and happy about being single or double or whatever in any matter. However I can understand that being around couples must get a bit uncomfortable when you’re the only single person, and after while don’t you feel like finding Miss Right? Kudos to you for being a brave single soldier and embracing it =) I hope you fall in love sooner though, because I wanna seeeeee!!!! hehehehe

  2. Nadia

    I always thought that the complete shift of focus to one’s relationship, was something only teenagers did. I definitely remember being like that when I was in college.

    I didn’t think that people in their twenties and onwards would be as inconsiderate as to make someone feel awkward because of their single status. I would have thought that with age, one becomes more sensitive to this kinda thing, and thus, more considerate?

  3. ian

    Worry not, Marcus, despite our age differences, I am celebrating single life alongside with you. I know staying single for a prolonged duration can induce loneliness at times, but that does not mean we are incomplete, for we have other aspects to fill our interest and passions in (as you have mentioned).

    As Nadia had mentioned, I myself have experienced numerous ocassions where I am the third person in the room with a couple (of which one of them is my close friend). They did not hold back on making intimate gestures to the extent where I got annoyed for being treated like I was invisible.

    Passion is one thing, and I know there are couples who explain that they do not care what others say about their inconsiderate behaviour as long as they are comfortable with it. Well, if you do not get a room, I guess I’ll be the one leaving…

  4. Rob

    it goes both ways, being married with a kid, I’m finding my single friends rejecting me. It seems that I cramp their style when they want to go out partying/clubbing. not that I have any time to go these days.

  5. mooiness Post author

    r1cka: when I fall in love, I prolly will broadcast it here. Hahah. 😀

    Nadia: well you’d be surprised. But all the examples I wrote about are not neccesarily from one person. Once again, it’s an amalgamation of incidents.

    ian: I like what you wrote about getting a room, “I guess I’ll be the one leaving.” Awesome. 🙂

    Hijackqueen: Erm I’m not a Christian, and although I would like a companion, I don’t see getting hitched and procreating to be the sole aim of living.

    Rob: Which is why you tend to only hang out with other couples, and the vicious circle is complete.

  6. girlstar7

    I am only in my early twenties so although I know people in relationships, I don’t have any friends that are getting married, having kids etc so I don’t know what it’s like to be surrounded by only married couples with children.
    however, over the past few years I’ve been on both sides of the scale; I’ve been both in long-term relationships and been single for a fair amount of time. I know what it’s like to be around couples that are all over each other when you don’t have anyone. I HATE being around lovey dovey couples especially when I’m single. whilst I do have a boyfriend at the moment, I always manage to make time for my friends and not always have him around. you have to have a life outside each other. and I also try not to act all over my boyfriend in front of my friends, cause I know it makes them feel uncomfortable.
    enjoy your time being single until you meet that someone special. remember you can have a blast not really having to worry about calling someone every day, fighting with them over silly things and always having to check with them to see what they’re doing. it’s a more low-maintenance lifestyle (and we girls CAN be high maintenance).
    btw, how long have you been single for??

  7. ahmui

    hey there,
    came across your blog – hope you dont mind me reading.

    anyway am a fellow singleton here, and i can so understand what you are saying! haa~
    i think singles feel pathetic only cos thats how pple around them make them feel. when singles tell pple they are single, there is this look on the listener’s face that reads “omigawd, did i touch a sensitive spot?” and the next question tends to be “oh, you must be choosy.” its like the most natural thing to do once you are of a certain age would be to get attached and then get hitched subsequently. thats what the society expects out of everyone. deviate, and you will be deemed strange/pathetic/sad.

    alritey, just leaving some comments cos i felt myself nodding away as i read your entry.

    take care!

    cheers! =)

  8. mooiness Post author

    girlstar7: I *do* enjoy being single so don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining about that, but about how couples react and behave around me. How long have I been single? 5 yrs. 😉

    ahmui: omg, those are the same kinda responses I get too. The “too choosy” thing and the “you must feel lonely” kinda sympathetic shite. You just feel like saying “Fuck off” right?

    And I don’t mind you reading at all of course. The more the merrier. 🙂

  9. sourrain

    I like to think that I can see things from both prespective as I have been the single who had always been the odd one out…and the only married one now.

    After having experienced the frustration at always being the single one out in outings and functions, I like to think that I’ve kept my married life separate with my social life – to a certain degree. I almost never bring Bacon when I’m out with my friends..which is helped by the fact that we spent lots of time apart in different countries before we got married. But even now that we are living in the same house, as I start going out and meeting new people here, none of them had yet met Bacon. In a way, I want to keep it that way, not that I am embarrassed of him,but sometimes it’s better keeping a divide.

    A relationship is not two equals to one, it is two equals to a better two.Somehow alot of people seem to think of them and their partners as ONE person.Like siamese twins;just disgusting.

  10. mooiness Post author

    sourrain: or … they treat themselves as a “unit”. *shudder* Heheh. I like your sentiments – two equals to a better two.

    MagC: you’d think that none of them has ever been a single person subjected to that kinda shit before. 😉

  11. rationalneurotic

    I hear you man… it can be quite irritating when everyone in the room is frenching someone else and saying sweet nothings.

    a partner is a bonus, not a “neccessity” per se. =)

    and I love ”Couplings”! such a brilliant show =) Brit shows rock!

  12. Pingback: Mooiness! » Perennial Single Guy

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