Hey you know, you are my friends and I love you for it. You whinge about your boyfriends to me from time to time and that’s ok because you buy me food and drinks for my troubles. But there’s a certain limit to my obligations to you as a mere friend.
- Don’t sulk when I can’t see you whenever your boyfriend is not available and you feel bored. Don’t say that I’m neglecting you – that’s a question for your boyfriend and not me.
- Don’t whine that we never do anything that you want to do, when you announce at the last minute that you want to join the rest of us for a night out and expect us to change our plans for you. Your boyfriend is the one who has to put up with this because he’s the one who gets the poontang.
- Don’t suddenly feel the need to introduce girls to me just because you are now happily attached. You don’t owe anything to me and please don’t feel pity for me because I wouldn’t appreciate it.
- Don’t expect me to be buddies with your boyfriend just because he’s your boyfriend. Hey, you dig him. I get it. It doesn’t mean that I have to like him. Don’t force us to socialise.
I think that’s it for now. Now if you will excuse me, I’m gonna do whatever I want whenever I want because I’m free and single innit?