Beauty used to intimidate me. I could still remember those times where I’d stutter, clamp up or say stupid things in the presence of a pretty girl. Or I’d act all cool (read: rude) and ignore them completely.
I don’t know when was the exact point in time that that stopped happening altogether. I can’t remember. Perhaps it was when I was out of uni and had a job. I just know that when it stopped happening it felt really really good. Naturally that was the beginning of me being completely at ease with myself.
I no longer walked into a party and looked for the nearest corner to hide in, especially when I don’t know anyone else. Nor do I do stupid things to try and impress. Instead, I’d look at the pretty girls in the eyes when I talk to them, I’d talk coherently and I’d smile. Pretty people are people too. Once you treat them as such, there’s nothing so special about them anymore.
They are still pretty mind you, but there’s no intimidation anymore. No fear and no awe.
Although I’d still get excited whenever I see a pretty woman, nothing happens in my heart. The brain goes, “Wow, HOT” and that’d be it. I haven’t got a crush in a very long time. Even when I do it wears off very quickly once I know it’s not gonna happen.
Which got me thinking, if beauty doesn’t intimidate me, does it mean I’m also not moved anymore by it? That I’m somehow less shallow now? I’d like to think so, but I’d still want and like looking at a pretty face. Shite. I do not know what I want indeed.
Well, if I’m doomed to be single I might as well have a good time watching the pretty girls go by. And try to get to know one or two in the process.