How to lose a friend through blogging

August 31, 2006 6:48 PM
Samuel L. Jackson as Jules in Pulp Fiction.
Furious anger, much?

So Wendy’s boyfriend Shau saw what I wrote about him late last week. I was wondering at first, “What took him so long?” Heh. But get this, he wasn’t so much angry that I blogged about him as he was angry that she complained about him to me. Me – a friend who has known her longer than he has. Of course she’s gonna complain to me! What does his reaction tell you about him then?

Wendy had seen that post and even commented on it. Her comment said that the reason I may have a bad impression of him was that I only hear the bad stuff from her. Yes, she would be correct. That’s logical ain’t it?

Yesterday I got a scathing email from her saying that she feels betrayed that I wrote about her complaints. Why? Because she and him ended up arguing over it. The impression that I got was that our friendship is now over.

To Wendy …

I wrote the post on Friday night. You were ok with me on Saturday night. You were ok to leave a comment on the post on Monday. But you are not ok with it anymore now that he got angry about it. Basically, you are pissed with me not because I blogged about it, but because he found out. Damn. Surely your feelings of injustice are misplaced? I merely shone a light on what you had told me yourself. If that makes it awkward for the two of you because you now have to deal with the issue of trust, think about this – it was something that you were gonna have to face sooner or later anyway.

I’m not taking back my words. I can’t anyway. This is blogging for you – it’s already out in the ether. Even if I could, I’m still not apologising for it. I wrote what I wrote because believe it or not I feel somewhat responsible – you did meet him through me. From what you have told me, I do not agree with his control over you. But you’ve turned it around now and say that I’ve been too harsh about him because he’s generally nice to you. So why did you complain to me in the first place?!

Here’s my parting advice to you:

To prevent a similar incident like what happened between us from happening again with another friend, try talking more to the person whom you should really be talking to: him. Tell *him* why you are unhappy enough to complain to other people about *your* relationship.

I wish you both the best of luck. If your relationship works out and I’m made to look like an idiot, I’d be the first to admit it. I might even blog about it. 😉

I’ve mentioned in the past about not airing other people’s dirty laundry for fear of losing friends. I’ve violated that rule and I’m suffering the consequences. Now I’m compounding it by blogging about it! Woohoo. Hardcore blogger, yes I am.


116 thoughts on “How to lose a friend through blogging

  1. Su

    Both avoiding the real problem & blaming the clear minded one – you.

    Don’t know about your friend Wendy, but to me my friends, real friends that is, are important to me, more so than who I am dating at the moment. Boyfriends come & go, real friends, so hard to come by.

  2. mooiness Post author

    Su: I have the same views on that too, re: friends vs. boy/girlfriends.

    Tom: heheh oh damn, I hope I don’t come across as emo.

    Snowflake: yeah loh!

    JL: a big fat raw nerve. However I’m not the source of their problems. I’m just the messenger. 😉

  3. Rob

    dangerous business, the messenger always gets killed. remember the openning scene of Gladiator. you’re the dude who comes back on the horse without his head. best avoided.

  4. LupinTan

    Rob : In Chinese warfare, Killing a messenger means a open declaration of war.

    Dude, I’m also kinda like a adviser to my friend, but I refrained from talkig about them in my blog not knowing who might read.

    Well, all the best, hope u clear the air with wendy

  5. mooiness Post author

    Rob: nice imagery. Heh.

    Lupin: I’m thinking of walking away from the whole situation. I don’t need unnecessary aggro in my life. People change when they get into a rship and I accept that, but they can sort it out themselves from here on.

  6. rationalneurotic

    Sometimes the very friends you love are the ones you’ll like to whack in the head so they will have a clearer mind. I haven’t spoken to my buddy for a long time cos his girlfriend doesn’t like me.

    In his blog he proclaimed his innocence, “The reason I’ve been confiding to (me) is simply the fact that she’s a good friend, and she sticks it out with me whether good or bad times… and encourages me by assuring me that its not that I’m not doing something… but that I’m actually doing good things and I can do even better… however sometimes I feel that baby just skips that part and goes straight into “why can’t you do more of this/that”… such that at times it just hit me too hard. I only have special feelings for baby, not (me)…”

    And you know you are losing importance as a friend when you haven’t met up with a close friend for 2 months and she keeps saying, “not today, I’m tired.” or “I’ve got a hangover” and she doesn’t even ask you when you’re free.

    sigh, friends.

  7. mooiness Post author

    rationalneurotic: wow your friend sure has a way of justifying himself. 😉

    In my situation, her delayed reaction was what got me annoyed at first. If she had asked me to delete the post on Saturday night I would have too. Or at the very least, I could have password-protected it. But she never said anything then.

    And then there’s also the fact that I’m not even the root of her relationship’s problems. Like I said, I’m only the messenger and she only got angry with me *after* the bf found out about her complaints.

  8. nara

    Quote: “Her comment said that the reason I may have a bad impression of him was that I only hear the bad stuff from her.”

    I dont personally know ur fren, but what i observe about this type of behavior is that they are eager to put the blame on others when things turn out wrong without doing some self-reflection. and its precisely this reason that they keep ending up with the wrong partners, wrong jobs or bad things in life.

    i know of a similar fren and i did something similar to urs and ended being blamed for it. now, i chose to stay platonic with her and was no longer easily available when she needed a listening ear for the same bf woes. the friendship felt more at equilibrium now. i am glad we had that ugly “face-off” else i would not have woken up from that “abusive” friendship which is more abt her than abt us.

    have u woken up yet?

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  16. Aria

    I think you were brave to blog about it. I’m going through a similar thing where my friend is complaining about her boyfriend (now fiance) constantly. She even tells me the comments he says about me (sometimes not complimentary at all)! I know she has to be feeling overwhelmed with all the wedding preparations and needs to vent, but all the stuff she’s telling me about her fiance is really making me dislike him more and more. I’m trying not to be affected but it’s really hard!

  17. mooiness Post author

    Aria: you are right, it is hard not to dislike the person when you keep hearing the negative stuff. Learn from me though, and just “hear but don’t listen”. Don’t offer any advice etc and just let her vent. Unless of course, he does something that’s despicable. 😉


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