Perennial Single Guy


October 3, 2006 7:27 PM
Wedding rings

Lately, I’ve been consciously declining invites to gatherings and events where I know I’ll be one of a few, if not the only single person there. Worse still if there are kids involved and everyone attending would be parents, talking to each other about parently things.

Even if there’s a remote possibility of me meeting someone, my reluctance remains. I’m just turned off by the prospect of it all. Am I turning into a snob? Maybe.

Sorry but I just don’t feel like being in a room full of self-satisfied, self-congratulating, and single-pitying couples. I just don’t.

Which is arrogant of me I’m sure. I’m certain that eventually I won’t get any more invites to anything from my paired-off friends. While Dominic Knight laments the loss of single friends to couplehood, and not seeing them anymore:

It’s all downhill from there. Soon they move in together and the default option isn’t going out with friends any more. There are no more hopeful text messages asking if you’re doing anything interesting they could tag along with. And you don’t even include them on group email invitations any more, just to save them the shame of declining.

I *am glad* that I don’t see them as often anymore once they have become a couple. I just can’t think in “couple” frequency which is a basic requirement to enjoy oneself at those gatherings. I’m not desperate to be tied down, nor am I thinking of having kids anytime soon. I live on my own timetable and my money is mine to spend however I wish to.

Meanwhile the urgings from mom for me to get married become louder and louder, and lately she has been giving me the following gems of advice.

“Don’t go out with Simon all the time. Girls might think that you are gay and then stay away. Don’t go out so much with your female friends either because other girls will feel insecure that you are always around girls.”

Old Hermit

She says that it’s not only the grandkids that she is yearning for, but she’s concerned that I might become old and alone one day. I have thought about that too, but some part of my brain still hasn’t been switched on yet I think. The part of it that says that I must be part of a couple otherwise I’m doomed in my old age. Being the optimist, I would like to think that medicine would advance sufficiently to keep my parents alive long enough to see me become a husband to a woman and maybe a father to a child.

But would it be something I want to do purely for myself, or would it be to not let them worry about me? Hmm, it’s all very vague to me still.

[tags]single life[/tags]

6 thoughts on “Perennial Single Guy

  1. girlstar7

    Here’s my opinion:
    – firstly, your married friends don’t sound very cool. there are cool people out there that are part of a couple that still have their own seperate lives, seperate friends and aren’t constantly trying to set up anyone who is single. yes, there are some people that as soon as they get into a couple (whether it’s a married couple or simply any sort of relationship)spend all their time with that person, and hardly have a life outside ‘couples land’. but man, there are much cooler people out there who are part of marraiges and long-term relationships that stil ACTUALLY have their own lives. and it’s sad if you don’t have ur own life outside ur relationship; what with the high divorce rates these days, you need your friends there too!
    So yeah, you are starting to get anti-couple, but it is these annoying couples that give the rest of couples a bad name. I myself have had numerous long-term relationships and have also spent a lot of time single. but I always make sure when I’m in a relationship, I have a totally seperate life outside my boyfriend. it’s the only way to maintain your sanity!
    so vow that when you DO become part of a couple, that you will commit yourself to your girl whilst also keeping a seperate life and still doing what YOU want to do.
    – secondly, if you are going to go out with someone/get married/have kids DO IT FOR YOURSELF… you can’t always do things to please your parents. I think it’s pretty common for parents to get clucky for grand-kids esp once their kids get to a certain age. when you’re ready, you’re ready.
    – and like I have said before, when you meet someone right, you’ll probably *just know*. sounds stupid, but if it’s the right person, they won’t be much wondering. you’ll *want* to make it work.
    and maybe you’ll find a girl that loves clubbing as much as you do, so can can still keep up that lifestyle while you are in a relationship!!

    Reply
  2. sourrain

    I like your mother..she always says the darnest things..hehehe,”don’t go out with simon too much cos other girls think you might be gay”

    Trust me, the anti-kiddy talk is not only from singles..me and bacon hates it when we are stuck with his reproducing friends – screaming dirty kids everywhere we look,we usually hide in one corner quietly so we don’t have to play with the dirty kids.

    When things just ‘falls into place’ with that special someone,then you know she’s for keeps.that means no lovey dovey complete sharing magnets.

    chant with me,”single ain’t a sin, its a gift that you need to cherish”

    Reply
  3. mooiness Post author

    girlstar7: as usual, you took the words out of my mouth and mind. I agree that I prefer couples who are made up of ppl who are capable of being away from each other for a while, and do not have to attend every single thing as a “unit”. 😉

    But of course, this changes when kids are in the picture and that’s a whole new set of obstacles.

    And yes, I understand what you mean about the “right one”. Thanks!

    sourrain: my mother is cool. Hahah! I think you and Bacon gets it worse because you are now *expected* to pop out a few.

    Yeah I hope that if and when that special someone comes into my life, that I won’t become attached at the waist with her, and that I can still function as a self-sustainable unit. Heh.

    And I’m definitely cherising my single status! Woohoo!

    Reply

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