My history with a bride-to-be


October 12, 2006 8:47 PM
Wedding invitation

This Saturday I will be attending the wedding of an old friend. I will be going alone like I have been for many weddings in the past few years. However, this wedding is different because I’ve dated the bride previously.

Though we both had liked each other, nothing came out of it. We never went past the dating stage. We never even went past hugs and hand-holding. It was all very innocent.

A few weeks into it, she had suddenly turned cold. I had trouble getting her to see me. The last straw was when she finally agreed to see me and then cancelled on me at the last minute. I was angry and frustrated. However, a week of self-doubt and questioning later I decided that was that. I went over to her house and dropped off a gift that I had bought earlier, and told her housemate to pass on the message that I get the hint and that I’m not going to call her again.

She must’ve felt guilty because she then asked to see me. It was awkward and she never told me why she had turned cold. Though maybe it’s because I didn’t care enough anymore to ask. For eight months after that, I never contacted her. She then called me out of the blue and told me that she was moving to Sydney. We caught up briefly before she left and more or less reconciled – my feelings got stirred again but I wasn’t about to get into a long-distance relationship. I don’t believe in LDRs.

I caught up with her a few times after that. One time when I saw her in Sydney I felt that we got closer once more but again, my Capricorn logic told me to forget about it. I was not about to move to Sydney and she wasn’t coming back. But at least we could talk to each other normally again.

Only recently did I get to know from a mutual friend that she had turned cold because at the time, she was looking to settle down and I didn’t give her a sense of security. I argued that we had only known each other for a few weeks and that that wasn’t fair to me.

Though it’s too late now I guess. The kicker is that the friend tells me that her fiance is not her first choice. But he was available emotionally at the right time and at the right place. He was there for her, and I wasn’t. Emotionally I was not here in Perth, and physically I was not there in Sydney.

So how do I feel about going to the wedding this Saturday? Ambivalent. Not just because I’d be going alone. I’m happy for her, but yet I can’t stop thinking about what-if. I had moved on a while ago but getting the wedding invitation just brought it all back again.

Though I’m not one who’d cry into his drink. Because we never ended up together, I had met so many people and had many wonderful experiences that I wouldn’t have had otherwise. The road of life is funny like that. Forks and turns are expected, and a detour is not necessarily a bad thing.

[tags]dating, relationships[/tags]

21 thoughts on “My history with a bride-to-be

  1. sourrain

    ah – now you sound like me, reflecting on past relationships – of what could have been and what might have not been.

    We have no regrets huh:)

    I do wonder about it sometimes, if I had continued working in California. Or if I did not pull out of moving to Paris one month before I was due to go.

    Then I would’ve never stayed back in KL and got the job with Bigcompany.Or get my heart broken like it has never been broken before and got a tattoo to remind me of the dangers of relationships .Or party like my soul depends on it.Or made so many friends that enriched my life.Or meet Bacon who works for Bigcompany too.And I most definately won’t be leading a life now in freezing britian.

    Do you wonder what would’ve happened with you if you moved to Sydney?

    Reply
  2. hobart

    hmm…i would offer some comforting comment , but it seems you’re already capable of consoling yourself . life’s funny , but in the end , the funniest thing is how everything falls into place and you’ll be scoffing at how puzzling things were .

    Reply
  3. jl

    What’s the motivation for attending this wedding? It sounds as though there are residual issues that have been brought back by receiving the invitation. I know you say you’re ambilvalent, but hmmm… I’m wondering about your ‘friend’/ex, too. In my experience this sort of thing is best avoided, especially when you have it on good authority that you were the one that got away just as much as she was. (That was convoluted! I hope it made sense.)

    Reply
  4. mooiness Post author

    ally: hahah either that, or I save the drinking for after when I go clubbing. The dinner reception starts quite early in the evening.

    Tom: not so much because I didn’t invest too much feelings into it at the time though yeah, can’t help thinking what if. But at the same time I am quite happy with how my life have turned out.

    sourrain: yeah yeah “Sliding Doors” and all that. If I had moved to Sydney, I wouldn’t have started my restaurant, I wouldn’t have met a great clubbing “kaki” in Simon, and I may not even have started blogging and met you wonderful ppl. Life is wonderful, no regrets.

    hobart: yeah thinking about it now, the whole thing just feel very surreal because I’ve changed and my life has moved on in very interesting ways.

    JL: nah no residual feelings, don’t worry about that. All this time we’ve kept in touch and she broached the subject of her engagement a while back. So there has been ample time for me to work on any issues that I might’ve had. And I’m happy to say that there were none. Being “surgically clean” with emotions and ppl in my life does have its benefits and that’s my strength.

    But I do understand your point completely. I am reminiscing and wondering about how my life could’ve turned out, and not because I still yearn for her. 😉

    Reply
  5. girlstar7

    To be honest with you, it sounds like you are better off without her. She sounds like a bit of a head-fuck, if you ask me.
    a). She screwed you around the first time; she stopped answering your calls, cancelled on you etc. and didn’t tell you WHY. That is one of the most annoying things someone can do. And you had to find out why she did it years later through someone else.
    b). You said her fiance wasn’t her first choice yet she still decided to marry him. That combined with the fact that the reason she stopped talking to you was because she thought you weren’t settled enough. Sounds like maybe she just wanted a ring on her finger and didn’t care who the guy was.
    c). You mentioned you were seeing her for a couple weeks and it still didn’t get past the hand-holding and hugging stage. So she screwed you around, and you didn’t even get any action out of it! Which means she sounds like a prick-tease as well to me if she wouldn’t even kiss you!
    So yeah, there is my very direct opinion (sorry to be blantantly honest, but yeah, maybe you need to hear it) You are a cool guy, find a girl who is honest and upfront and won’t screw you around. The guy she is marrying can deal with her head-fucking ways, NOT YOU.

    Reply
  6. ian

    girlstar7’s point (b) made good sense… As for your ‘predicament’, it never hurts to confirm yourself by attending her wedding as a friend and wish her happiness in the decision she has made. A final closure might be what you need to seal unwanted thoughts…

    Reply
  7. mooiness Post author

    girlstar7: yeah you could say that it was a mind-fuck and at the time I really thought so. After the fact (and years) though, I chalked it down to indecision. And after I got over it, and after she decided that we should be friends, it was quite ok between us.

    ian: I have had closure on this a long time ago. I am thinking back more from a point of wondering what could’ve been as I’ve mentioned to JL above, rather than a yearning.

    And I’m going to the wedding with an open mind. If I’m lucky I might meet a single girl or two. 😉

    Reply
  8. jo

    “The road of life is funny like that. Forks and turns are expected, and a detour is not necessarily a bad thing.”

    i like that bit. you write well. (:

    Reply
  9. Rob

    you could hire a motorbike and with perfect timing roar up the aisle just after the priest says “speak now or forever hold your peace” and you say “yeah, the bride wants me”. then you ride off with her leaving a church full of pissed off guests.

    Reply
  10. damion

    bro, what are we like siamese twins?
    same condition happening over here.. but the only difference is i wasn’t invited to the upcoming wedding.. hahaha..
    yeah, the what-ifs is mind boggling but at the same time useless… not pointless though..
    kinda makes us want to cherish the next one we meet and make full the opportunity that comes..
    less regrets that way me think?

    Reply
  11. sourrain

    dreymer: LOLZ!

    moo: I actually quite agree with girlstar7.It has gotta be bad – and I still think that if her fiance isnt her first choice – its a first step to disaster.

    take dreymer’s advise and meet lotsa single bridesmaid.In my experience, they are usually quite hot:)

    Reply
  12. mooiness Post author

    dreymer: hee hee. Err we hope.

    jo: thank you thank you! please come again! 🙂

    Rob: except that there is no church – only a Chinese wedding banquet. Which makes the getaway path a little trickier. Heh.

    damion: wah you too? yes it would make us want to cherish the next one that comes along, provided they are *deserving* of our affections. 😉

    sourrain: heheh you are just biased because you had such lovely bridesmaids. :mrgreen:

    Lupin: true that!

    Reply
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