Why don’t Aussie girls date Asian men?


October 17, 2006 7:47 PM
Bruce Lee and Linda Lee Caldwell
Bruce Lee is my eternal hero, and not just
because he snagged a white woman

Got your attention? The title is taken from Sam de Brito’s post on his SMH blog “All Men Are Liars“.

With such a provocative title, his post was bound to get a load of comments. At last count, there were 425, mostly from Asian males and Anglo females as expected. It took me an hour to wade through the first 300 or so. If you want to go and read the post and the comments first, go ahead. We’ll wait for you.

The rest of you, follow me …

Let’s get a few facts out of the way to set the mood right for this post:

  1. Yes, I know Asian-Australians are “Aussies” too but in this context, it will mean its traditional connotation of white Anglo-Saxons. And Asian will mean “East Asian” or yellow-skinned Asians, and yes I know Asia is a big place with many different-coloured people.
  2. I’ve never dated an Aussie girl but I would like to. Having said that, I don’t resent the fact that it’s harder for me as an Asian guy to date a white girl, than it is for an Asian girl to date a white man.
  3. And generally, I don’t “aim” for Aussie, Asian or whatever. I do aim for a nice and caring person. Date the person, not the race right?

To answer the question in the title, I will explain it from my point of view. To me, there are two big aspects as to why you wouldn’t see that many Asian male and Aussie female pairings: cultural, and physical.

Cultural

As a Chinese person, I am very family-centric. My family will always come first before anyone else. This thinking guides a lot of my behaviour which some Aussies probably wouldn’t understand. And when there’s no cultural connection, it’s that much harder to make an emotional connection.

However being family-centric is also a reason why I get along with Italians and Greeks, and to a certain extent, the Irish famously. In a way, our families behave very much the same. Unfortunately, all the nice Italian/Greek/Irish girls that I’ve met were never available.

In some of the comments, Anglo girls bemoan that they would like to date an Asian guy but they never get approached by them. Again, this is a cultural thing. Aussie men are more gung-ho and more willing to stick their neck out in a bar or club situation. Make a fool of yourself? Who cares!? However, Asian men don’t want to “lose face”.

Most times I don’t approach a strange girl (any girl, not just Aussies) unless I already know her and there’s a spark. This commenter echoed my sentiments.

I’m a Korean and my girlfriend is Anglo. I would absolutely approach white girls if I got to know one in a work/educational/recreational environment, but to be honest I probably wouldn’t try to pick one up in a bar scene where I would be entering the fray with no idea what she was like, and vice versa.

Why? Well I guess due to the rarity of mixed race couples where the male is Asian and the girl is Anglo, I’ve started to assume that white girls wouldn’t be interested in me, and would bar me from the get go. As I said, if I got to know a white girl first in one of the aforementioned settings and I thought there was a bit of a spark, nothing would stop me from having a go, but I wouldn’t approach one at random in a pub.

Tofuloaf at October 17, 2006 10:40 AM

Physical

All women would like their men taller and bigger. Asian men are generally smaller and shorter, sometimes too small or too short for a typical Aussie girl. I’m 5’4″ (164cm) and 60kgs. Therefore, the pool of white women for me to potentially date is that much more limited.

No point crying about it, it’s reality. Just like how most men would prefer a woman with a curvy body, there’s nothing wrong with having physical preferences.

In the comments, there are Anglo women who proclaim that they prefer Caucasian, rather than Asian features in a man. This is the same for Asian women who’d date Anglo men exclusively. Again, it’s a preference rather than a racial thing.

There was also the obligatory mention of penis sizes in the comments. Yes we are smaller, but we can still rock the boat quite well thank you very much.

Conclusion

In general it is true that the majority of Aussie women would date within their own cultural background, but that is true for people of all other cultures in this country. One tends to stick with what one knows and feels comfortable with.

Jason Scott-Lee and Lauren Holly in The Dragon.
Jason Scott-Lee and Lauren Holly
in “The Dragon”

However there are many exceptions like the sons of Bing Lee of the electronics chain in NSW, and prominent Sydney neurosurgeon Charlie Teo. In my family alone, there is one male cousin who’s only ever dated white girls, and another about to marry one.

Personally I don’t think of it along racial or cultural terms at all. It’s all highly superficial and preference-based anyway. Even if the Asian guy is as ocker as they come, that doesn’t necessarily make it easier for him to snag an Aussie girl if she prefers a white fella physically.

So no, I don’t stress too much over how come I don’t get to date a white girl. Instead, I stress over how come I don’t get to date a girl, any girl at all! :mrgreen:

101 thoughts on “Why don’t Aussie girls date Asian men?

  1. Su

    I totally agree with your analysis on the Cultural ‘reason’ or difference. Being family-centric, lots of decisions made just don’t make sense to an Aussie partner.

    Reply
  2. fangrrl no.1

    Oh trust me, it’s hard. I am going to segregate my response into two sections, as I am fangrrl no.1 and also anal:

    Culturally
    I sometimes wish bacon’s family values were asian.It is so hard understanding that to have a meal together as a family, advance booking with the clan of up to 2 months is required.And the parents/outlaws do NOT visit us unless invited/gave advance notice.Can you imagine needing to wait for mommy to invite you before you can savour her homemade soup!??!?!

    Heck, even borrowing £5 requires prompt return of the cash – if the same happens in my family,I think I will be turning over my whole salary to mom for a year.And dinners; even family dinners, are dutch – daddy will not pay for your meal, if you cannot afford it, don’t come.

    And when I go over to visit, I am not allowed to go/make appointment during dinner time – Ok if its after 8 as they would finish their dinner by then. If I was going over to visit my parents, the first thing they would say is do i want to join them for dinner, and if I don’t WHY NOT?

    WAHLAU

    Physically
    Yes I agree, physical features ARE important. BUT, find me a typically asian man that don’t want a super skinny,petite with long hair girl (moo is not allowed to take part!).I am considered too huge,too loud,too un-girly.

    And like most girls, I am ashamed to say that yes, I do prefer men to be bigger than me , BUT I have gone out with men smaller than me before.Proven fact;it is easier to be bear-hugged. It is jsut a preference that I am willing to throw away if met with the right person.

    And whoever that said asian men are ‘small in size’ obviously had not had an asian man before- Just because they are generalyl shorter than caucasians does not MEAN that everything else is small!

    Reply
  3. herman

    hehe.

    I like white chicks. And Asian chicks. And African chicks. And Lebanesse chicks. And Japanesse chicks. And Korean chicks. And Jewish chicks. And Malaysian chicks. And Indo chicks. Remember ! No Discrimination Policy !

    Reply
  4. V

    i know what u mean. i come from a university in the US that has an asian majority, ive been here a year and i think ive seen only 2 whitegirl-asianboy pairing. and one was because they were both french.

    on an unrelated note: im 172cm and im dating and asian boy. 🙂

    Reply
  5. mae

    Personally I never look at race, although I’m ashamed to say that my parents are the kind that have a say about that. I guess it’s cultural differences and what not but I can’t understand or agree with it.

    Although, not until recently, I’ve never really really considered dating white guys because I always had the idea that I would never really be appealing to them, so immediately I just don’t get attracted to them. Silly and quite out of point, I know, but for some reason. That’s always been to the case. Think it could be self esteem. Hrm…

    But thank goodness that’s over! And btw loads of men in my family have married anglos. 🙂 Loads of women too.

    Reply
  6. mooiness Post author

    Su: culture is a big deal isn’t it? If a person doesn’t know how we tick, then he or she probably won’t be a good bf/gf.

    Snowflake: I know about that video. Have blogged about it previously, see the related posts below. 😉

    Yvonne: that’s what I was getting at in the “Culture” section above. Most Asian men typically won’t approach Anglo women for a variety of reasons.

    fangrrl no. 1: why you don’t let me take part!? Hahah. His family may not be culturally open-minded or similar, but at least he is right? And thanks for sticking up for us in the “size” dept. :mrgreen:

    herman: yeah yeah why limit ourselves to one menu when it’s a buffet? Heh.

    V: it’s a world-wide phenom. But unlike some Asian men who get all worked up about it, and also about “white men taking our women”, I prefer to focus my efforts elsewhere. 😉

    mae: yeah if you open up your mind (heart?), the choices and opportunities in the dating department would be so much bigger. So congrats on having done so!

    Reply
  7. ian

    Oh what coincidence, I read Sam’s post on that yesterday too. I second the family value factor. Most Asian parents expect their children to take care of them when they are old, and they fear a clash or conflict of culture between themselves and their daughter-in-laws. In overall, I’d still go after Asian girls, but I wouldn’t mind having a Caucasian as my girlfriend either… If only I have the guts to do so…

    Reply
  8. girlstar7

    I am an anglo girl and i have never dated an asian guy but I wouldn’t rule it out. I don’t have a typical ‘look’ that I go for when it comes to guys; I have been attracted to very fair (blonde, blue eyed) guys, black guys, asian guys, italian/greek guys, you name it. there are attractive people of every race (and people that you will have a connection with, of course). I particularly find half-asian or eurasian guys attractive. I don’t know why there is just something about them!
    when I say I would date an asian guy, I would probably prefer to date an asian guy that was raised in a western society than one who was raised in Asia due to cultural differences.
    I also know numerous asian guy/anglo girl couples (although the guys have all been raised here and act pretty much like aussies).
    so yeah, don’t rule out dating an aussie girl, maybe one day you will meet the aussie girl of your dreams!!

    Reply
  9. mooiness Post author

    ian: if you don’t view them as “non-Asian” or whatever, you’d realise that girls are girls – so go for it! Don’t be afraid of them. Even tho I’ve tried myself and failed a few times. 😛

    ront: go away and allow me to seethe with anger. :mrgreen:

    girlstar7: I get what you mean about Asian guys who grew up here as opposed to those who aren’t. Mind you there are some who cling on to the “old” ways even though they’ve spend their entire lives here.

    As for Eurasian guys, well you are not the only girl who goes crazy for them. I like Eurasian girls too. Woohoo!

    And no I don’t rule out anything, I have a very open mind!

    Reply
  10. ront

    on a more serious note, just have to look past the race difference…not everyone’s the same.

    by the way…5’4″ you??!?!? did i read that correctly? sure doesnt look that way in the pictures.

    and correction on last comment…think she’s 5’4″ or is it 5’5″

    Reply
  11. ront

    i dont know many guys who is 5’4″….hehehe….full grown male that is…then again……Deng Xiao Ping is not exactly tall either…….so you’re among giants.

    Reply
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  15. sal

    Bro! 1st, I want you to know that although I was born in France and raised in the U.S.A. I do not look Europian. Women of different races have told me that I am a charming and attractive Asian guy, so I really don’t have any problems approaching any women, right? The truth is we all do. Yes! all of us men. Your looks cannot matter if you don’t have any GUTS! O.K? Anglo women do date Asian men. These women are human beings and they have needs. So, it’s possible they could be attracted to Asian men. You have got to believe me, and in yourself. It’s the beautiful Blondes with those nice curves that you are after. It’s those types that turn us down more often then most. My reason is simple, and you’ll believe there is some truth to it. Here it is: Many men are DOGZ + there are few beautiful Blondes = YOU, shit out of luck! Is this not true, if you never try??? So, if you still want a beautiful Blondie, you have got to make yourself more attractive to them, and you have got to run the numbers. This means that you will have to ask out every blondie you are attracted to, anywhere you may find them. You never know when she’s gonna say “yes”. As for myself, Blondes are KOOL, but I’m an equal opportunity player. Thanks for reading my 2 cents.

    Reply
  16. dl

    Okay, Here’s the deal, as I’ve told everyone who’s interested in this topic. We Asian men must create our own positive perceptions of ourselves in which white women or any other women will flock to. The media has catapulted white men into the desireable man, they are seen as action men, WHITE MEN DO THINGS AND ARE SOMETHING THAT OTHER WOMEN WANT TO BE WITH! Who controls the media? Mostly white males. When an Asian man approaches a lady at a bar, he is without virtually any positive preconceived notions of who he, so before he even gets there, there’s two strikes against him, whereas a white male, has the benefit of a prefabricated deluxe package of positive traits. Before he even approaches, the lady, he’s ahead of the count.

    Reply
  17. dl

    White women who don’t date outside of their race are very conservative, much like someone who would like to go to Paris, but not Nepal or Africa, because it’s just too exotic and wild. Asian women are like this, too, but white men have managed to not turn Asian women into courageous thrill seekers, but created a perception that White men dating Asian women is not strange or uncommon at all. There for it is a very regular, ordinary thing to do for an Asian women to date a white man. There’s no contraversy, stigma at all. Well, I’ve armed you with some powerful information, I hope you can use it to your advantage.
    dl

    Reply
  18. yellafella

    ok, i admit i’m fascinated with this whole ‘white chicks + asian guys’ thing. most of the comments here did not do anything to help the asian men out in terms of self image. so here are a few things to prep yourself before you approach that hot blonde girl (politically incorrect and generalised but hey, if it works, it works!):
    1) a high percentage of asian-australian males are well educated with university education and a good paying or at least comfortable office job.
    2) most of these white blokes are probably plumbers, mechies, brickies etc etc and you’re probably an employer of one of them. some of these blokes may be the ones who bullied you at school…revenge is sweet.
    3) you are probably business conscious and already started your own business if not planning to start your own business.
    4) your culture and traditions are advantages, women find ‘exotic’ rituals interesting, fascinating and rich, so if you’re so aussie that you never knew about your heritage, i guess its time to ask grandma! anyway, women are followers of trends, right now, being ethnic is the IN thing.
    5) our penis sizes are not small…when erect. we are like transformers! it begins small but it grows like a mofo! we’re talented sons of bitches!
    6) we are hairless beings…and being hairless is IN. well, for me, i’ve got the advantage of having a hairless body but nice facial growth.
    7) don’t underestimate white women, a lot of them are open minded nowadays. white chicks who have been to university and have been educated are more aware and in tune with different races and accept other cultures easily. shit, being amongst all those overseas students makes it hard to ignore!

    good luck and stay yellow! peace out.

    Reply
  19. yellafella

    oh yeah. something else (again, politically incorrect and generalisation!). there’s nothing special about white chicks anyway so what’s the fuss? [Mooiness says: edited, a bit over the top here ;)] asianwomen are [deleted] also but they’re harder to please, they want the package – good job, good looking, sweet ride, fashionable, money etc etc. white chicks put out just because u’re cute or just because u’re funny. there u go…yellow fellas should have confidence that they’ll be able to score a white chick if they have the right personality or look…they don’t even care if u have money!:) just go to the gym and work on that body, wear tight t’s around the club/pub/bar and u’ll be right mate! 😀 good luck.

    Reply
  20. jon

    Im an asian guy, born and raised in the US, also my parents are born and raised in the US, and even the most rare, my grandparents born and raised in the US but still have ‘old’ cultural values but also in tuned with US cultures and values, so pretty much (politically incorrect) im “white-washed” per-say, but yet i tend to idenitify with the other asian cultures its still hard for me to get a caucasian girl. Media plays a huge role on how ‘beauty’ is suppose to look like. I mean its hard to explain why i perfer white women than asian women..but yet i find white women even more attractive in asian culture clothing…it doesnt make sense?? For me both physical features and personality is a plus, but asian women tend to not have either or maybe lacks one of them. I just find white women more attractive than any other ‘race’ of people, i dont know though lol, its like now i have something in common with other asian guys lol, no offense…but i also believe cultural values play a role too, such as stereotypcially speaking, asian families are together, asians are grown to respect and have full respect, kinda like that respect/honor thing you see in martial art movies, also to be quiet and not out spoken, and also get the grades….but if you go deeper into how stereotypical asian families run, its usally asian guys are never to marry out of their race, usually for the mothers sake, example the mother would love to see their son bring home an an asian girl..back in the day, mothers would not allow their daughters to bring home a white male to their house as portrayed in the joy luck club……but its very accpeted for an asian mother to encourage her daughter to date an white guy, but not encouraging his son to find a white girl. With this type of cultural mentality, theres a slim chance of the asian guy dating a white girl, if the asian girl has already cancled the option for another asian guy. So it boils down to family itself. if you think about it, its pretty twisted lol. I’m 5′ 11′ anyways thats my 2 cents in this whole asian-white marriages/dating…mostly and commonly WM and AF

    Reply
  21. mooiness Post author

    jon: thanks for the very interesting point of the view! I can understand your dilemma – due to your background and where and how you grew up, you are culturally more “white” so it’s only natural that you find white women more attractive. The Western media has a big bias towards “white” female beauty. And yes, a very high proportion of Asian+Anglo relationships consist of an Asian female and a Caucasian male.

    Having said all that, media portrayal and societal attitudes are slowly changing. In the mean time, I’m not gonna get hung up about not getting a white woman or whatever. There’s a whole world of NON-white women out there. 😀

    Reply
  22. Tash

    I am dating an Asian guy, he is Spanish-Filipino. He has treated me better than any guy i have gone out with. I love him to bits. I found this blog interesting. His family does come first and i don’t mind that as it shows he has family values which is one of the traits i find attractive about him.

    Reply
  23. Tash

    Cool. Thanks for leaving a reply to my comment. I was searching for ‘things to know about Asian men’ and your site came up (well, this blog). I wanted to know more about my guy like his Asian culture and other things. I haven’t met his parents yet. I’ve asked him what his mum would think of me and he has said that the only thing she will ask me is if i love her son & of course i do & so she will be happy. I’m interested to read your other blogs and see what new ones you put on. By the way Jason Scott-Lee is hot!!

    Reply
  24. mooiness Post author

    Tash: a lot of Asian parents are not as stereotypically traditional as ppl think. The key thing is manners and respect. If in doubt, behave like how your boyfriend behaves in front of his parents and you’d be fine. 🙂

    Reply
  25. Billie

    I agree with you in that Italians/Greeks – continental/mediteranean Europeans are more like Chinese than Anglo Australians. Like you I’ve often gotten along with mainland Europeans more than the ones with English backgrounds. It is about different values.

    Reply
  26. jon

    unfortunetly, over here on the west coast of the united states, mostly bay area, its reallly rare to see a asian man and asian woman relationship. actually i dont even see that at all anymore. See i think the reasons are that theres this asian on asian “clashing” between both genders is that we are just sick of each other…and both genders need and want different things. for me growing up where there is mostly asians, whites, and latinos, i find beauty outside of my “race” i used to have a problem with asian girls going for white guys, now i dont even bother, its just another normal thing you see, but an asian guy and white woman, you will see it but very rare. see the problem is asian girls have already gotten over us (asian guys) while us asian guys are still complaining about “oh why are white guys taking our women” yeah its a question that still remains a mystery. Dating asians is quiet boring for me, theres no connection despite similiar cultural values, etc…thats just a turn off, but anyways yeah

    Reply
  27. mooiness Post author

    jon: that’s an interesting perspective, and you are right about the “gotten over us” bit. I don’t begrudge the fact that there are more Asian women + white men pairings than the other way around. There’s plenty of other women around as you’ve discovered yourself. 🙂

    Reply
  28. Tash

    Hi. Well I had a wonderful week with my boyfriend. We went to Northbridge Chinese Restaurant for Yum Cha. That was so cool. They talked really fast(well i thought so) so i looked at my boyf to pick from the trolley. It was a little bit of a turn on to watch him use chopsticks. I felt a little bit nervous thinking i might look like a bit of a dork first time trying Yum Cha and having to use a fork & spoon. I loooove miso soup and pork buns & tempura prawns. We went to Seizan Japanese Restaurant for teppanyaki but when i rang up to book for 2 i didn’t realise i had to say for teppanyaki, i thought it was all in Japanese restaurants. We had a nice little table. i tried saki – wow! Rene(my boyf) calls it rocket fuel.it wasn’t for me. Then on his last night we went to Midori Japanese restaurant for teppanyaki.yay! it was sooo cool. The cook is quite amazing and at the end he did ‘thank you and good night’ upside down on the hot cooking plate using a salt shaker. The meal was very delicious. I loved every minute of his time here. Rene showered me with gifts which was unbelievably sweet of him. I’ve never felt so spoilt. I’m glad i got to know him when we first started chatting & i saw him for who he is & that is my soul mate & true love.

    Also thank you again for the names of restaurants & stores to visit. I’d recommend Midori Japanese Restaurant to anyone, it was a terrific place.

    Reply
  29. mooiness Post author

    Tash: good to know that you’ve found your soul mate. 🙂

    And great to know that your little Asian culinary adventure was fun. Just remember next time that not all Japanese restaurants do teppanyaki, and that the Japanese food we get here in Oz is also a small subset of what you can get in Japan. Chinese food on the other hand is very well represented.

    Reply
  30. Chell

    The answer to your question is simple: too racist or simply the family may not be very accepting. A white woman in the US tried to marry a Japanese assistant professor. Although he was making a lot more than any member of the young lady’s family, they consider it marrying down.

    Reply
  31. mooiness Post author

    Chell: [sorry, misread your comment – have edited my comment to reflect this though the gist of it still holds true] there are racists in all societies and you are generalising Caucasian attitudes about Asian people – your theory is based on just one scenario.

    Reply
  32. Emma

    well not being a typical white australian female,i have found it hard to find a asian male to date,maybe they find us scary,who knows,but when i have dated asian males i would never go back to caucasian,i feel less intimidated and more relaxed around asian men,they appreciate western women and treat us with respect,and have higher standards of personal grooming,so when the caucasasian male population realises this,the staring and the racist attitudes may subside,its sad cos we are all the same colour on the inside.

    Reply
  33. mooiness Post author

    Emma: judging by the search terms that land ppl onto this post, I’d say that women like you are very much in demand.

    Asian men who may be scared off by you would probably be scared by self-confident and non-submissive women of all kind, not just white. Their loss.

    Best of luck in your dating endeavours. And you are right, we are all the same under the skin.

    Reply
  34. nasilemak

    I once know a American born and raised chinese guy that swore to never ever date white girls. Heck, he wouldn’t even befriend white people, which was absolutely shocking as he grew up in CA with around 80% population who are Anglo saxons!

    I think he just don’t have the guts to handle independent women. Well, tough luck on him as submissive asian chicks are fast running out of supply…

    Reply
  35. Den

    Well, my common is gonna be quite general. First of all i wanna say, i think its a lot diferent in europe, where a lot of asian guys are adopted. I was raised and live in denmark, was adopted from korea, and i have never ever dated an asian girl.. And i have never felt this problem being able to date a white girl. hmm, i think a lot of the issue, also she be founded in some fundamental issues that exsist in US as a country..

    Reply
  36. mooiness Post author

    Den: interesting insight – thanks! I agree that a large part of it is due to cultural upbringing. How well two people connect with each other most times depend on how they can connect culturally and emotionally. But then you’d still have to contend with physical preferences.

    Reply
  37. Electrico

    nice site and nice discussion , first impression is , wow man, you live in Australia , a place where the majority is arian one might think u are tired of dating native girls
    I think that over the past 10-15 years they are trying to globalize our physical attraction patterns , too ! Blame the Industry , Hollywood, publicity , … less variation ,more sales …ABC of capitalism!
    It`s like we`ve all turned into stupid french or italian fashion designers based in London hiring pale russian models.
    I like them all, but Ive always had the best luck with blondies, since im the `italian` type I guess , im in Argentina which is -like Australia- a country of inmigrants too , mainly from mediterranean europe , but also from easter europe , poland etc but I`ve lived in different places too since I was a kid , and I experienced that was it is extremely beautiful in one place , it is a dime a dozen in another , just go to Brasil which is a bus ride from here, and things are different from here. There are many , many Asians here too , but they never interact with locals , they`re always within their own tribe, a real pitty. My 2cents

    Reply
  38. mooiness Post author

    Electrico: thanks for the thoughts! I think that Western media/entertainment, in particular American has shaped attitudes regarding what is beautiful. Unfortunately, this tends to be the anglo-caucasian look.

    As for the Asians who only mingle with themselves when the world is full of different cultures and colours – they are missing out.

    Reply
  39. WhatFish

    Hey buddy,

    I’m a young 25 years old Asian migrant living in Sydney and I must say I went through a roller-coaster ride of emotion on this issue.

    Let me tell you why. I came into this country 5 years ago to study and then work. At work, I have female white co-workers (within my age group) who have these “racist” vibe in them and I’ve come to realise that they live in a white area and only have white friends. Many such Aussies think Australia is the best (too nationalistic to open to the world) and have a false sense of self-confidence.

    I went into the dating scene, trying Speed Dating, Online Dating, etc. I’ve quite a courageous nature so I threw myself into the deep sea and see how it goes.
    – Speed Dating (Fast Impressions) – never got a match because these girls have high expectations (which is why they are still single in the first place)
    – Online Dating (RSVP.com) – they have too many men to choose from and a long unrealistic shopping list. Most are not open-minded enough to try an Asian
    – Exclusive dating service – was told that the Caucasian girls in my age group prefer Caucasian guys. It doesn’t get more racist than that, physical attributes was not factored in.

    I did get to meet some decent people out of both avenues though. Mostly Asian, a Canadian white and an Europian white girl. Aussie white girl is still zero for now.

    I know racism really well and I’m still positive as anyone will have something that others do not like. So I can’t be too bothered by narrow-minded people.

    Many Aussies are not comfortable talking about these issues and some even avoid it at best. Sometimes I wished I was in some liberal European country or even back at home but I’ve grown to realise that I need to stick to my principles and values (as the problem does not lie in me) and meet the right kind of people.

    I am going out with a French girl next week and I met her through a social group. Things are getting better here. 🙂

    Cheers,
    WhatFish

    Reply
  40. mooiness Post author

    Hey Whatfish – thanks for your comment! It was really insightful.

    I understand completely about that vibe that you are describing, those most times I don’t think it’s racism, even though I know it exists and have experienced it.

    Personally, I don’t go for a girl of any particular race. I just go for a nice girl, it shouldn’t matter.

    Good luck with the French girl! Oh la la! 😀

    Reply
  41. WhatFish

    Hey now rires mate. I do not intend to racialise things either.

    I guess my message was to ditch the unconventional methods (online/speed dating) because you get the pickiest singles there (who usually have their issues). But I’m sure the Asian brothers know that since I noticed that I was one of the few Asians in such events.

    Stick to social groups where you can interact (get to know them as friends first) and your personality will shine there. Do something about it, get out more and meet “your girl” regardless any race. 🙂

    Reply
  42. mooiness Post author

    WhatFish: exactly! I find that I “work” the best in a group situation where I can mingle. You just have to start me off with the one person in that group and off I go! 🙂

    Reply
  43. CyrilY

    Its kinda hard to stick around with Aussie girls in school. Well I admit that I’m the kind that doesn’t like to be rejected or left out. But what really matter is that the topic that you started with some Aussie girls that most of the topic is about my races and my country, and then the conversation just ended as soon as i finished my speech. And that really makes me lose hope because it makes me felt like the girl is losing her interest in me. And then she turn away. I sometime feel sad and hopeless and I think maybe we’re not born to be confident enough to start a conversation with like not well known Aussie girls.

    I just started my education in Adelaide this year and I’m quiet interested to meet some Aussie girls and hang around like friends. Because we can learn from each other as we’re from the diffrent country and family background.

    All in all, the problem is that we(Asian Guys)don’t know what standard we are in their eyes. At first I though they are freindly and more assertive than we do, but things is just not what I had aspected. Well maybe I was wrong about it. Or maybe, I lost confident easily and become more passive after the girls.

    But anyway, If you have any help that you wanna offer, kindly refer to my blog and jus give some comment on my blog. (www.cyrilyong.blogspot.com) thanks.

    Reply
  44. mooiness Post author

    CyrilY: I think you are probably analysing it too much. Don’t see their race and approach them like how you’d approach Asian girls (am assuming that you are ok mingling with Asian girls). And you are right about just treating them as friends first – don’t think too far ahead.

    Also, don’t let interesting Asian girls pass under your radar just because you are trying to know one or two Aussie girls. 😉

    Reply
  45. Will

    Hello there,

    Fellow Aussie-Asian here….adding my 2 cents on this white hot topic (pardon the pun!)

    Frankly, I dont have an issue with interracial relationships if it’s purely based on so called “compatibility” or “love”.

    However, I do find it rather annoying/quite sad that some Asian-Australian girls who continually attempt to “dissolve” the issue by saying they respect Asian culture and where they came from but just refuse to date their own men. I once questioned her if a Asian and non-Asian man were near identical career, physical size, aesthetics wise, would they give the Asian bloke a chance…she replied with a simple statement saying that no matter how great the Asian guy is, she refuses to date them. She basically wouldnt accept anything from a single Asian guy and wishes not to know them (on a romantic level). Pretty ironic really when 90% of this girl’s mates (of both genders) are Asian and personally I feel as if her whole persona is quite Asian based.

    However, at the end of the day, you must respect freedom and personal choices.

    Sorry for being a bit off topic.

    Just something else to ponder is that maybe we shall look at the way Asian women were treated in Asian society. Not a hell of a lot of respect, denied a lot of previledges men were bestowed with, treated pretty badly – wife and child beating were OK, polygamy..etc the list goes on…

    Reply
  46. mooiness Post author

    Will: thanks for your interesting story. I find your friend’s behaviour rather frustrating as well, but it’s probably just physical preferences – she wants white men. Just like how some of us would prefer slim women etc.

    As for the historical mistreatment of women, that may explain ppl’s behaviour a generation ago but that doesn’t cut it for the generation now. Especially if they have been brought up in liberal Westernised families.

    Reply
  47. alyndabear

    I’m a first time visitor to your site, and found this post really intriguing. To each their own.. but as an Anglo girl, I like to think I’m not fussy when it comes to cultures – have dated an Aussie, Italian & Irish lad in my time, and my partner of five years is half Sri Lankan, and I wouldn’t change a thing!

    Although I have to say, being 5’8 and er, hardly skinny, I have never attracted any Asian men, myself.

    Reply
  48. mooiness Post author

    alyndabear: thanks for dropping by and for your thoughts! Being open-minded is definitely the way to go!

    The gist of my post was aimed more at Asian guys who seem to worry and get obsessed about dating Anglos, to the point that they may be missing out on a perfectly fine Asian women in front of them.

    Regarding your size, I am 5’4″ and I used to date a 5’7″ who was heavier than me – curvy in the right spots. Haha! I think it’s usually women who have a problem with a shorter guy, rather than the other way around. Personally, I think it’s flattering. 🙂

    Reply
  49. Will

    “The gist of my post was aimed more at Asian guys who seem to worry and get obsessed about dating Anglos, to the point that they may be missing out on a perfectly fine Asian women in front of them.”

    Sorry to barge in, but I think this is somewhat (amongst Asian blokes I know of..) to be a lesser issue than the “Why are Asian women going out with White blokes”.

    Amongst everything I’ve said, I reckon it all comes down to physical size. Unfortunately Asian blokes (I’m 1.68m btw, a shade about 5’6″) is that we’re on the undesireable end of the physical scale. Unless you have a killer personality, it’s going to take a bit to win over most women, both Asian and non-Asian.

    Reply
  50. mooiness Post author

    Will: Of course it takes personality to win over a girl and make a relationship last. That’s a given.

    Yes, everyone has physical preferences so it’s up to luck and effort sometimes to find the right match in looks *and* personality.

    Worrying about how some girl do not like your height, your race, your looks etc. is pointless. Much better to just move on and look elsewhere.

    Plus this short Asian guy (ie. me) do not care why some Asian girls prefer white men. I don’t resent them for that. And I don’t have any problems with being born Asian, though your last paragraph seems to imply that maybe you do.

    Reply
  51. Will

    Not that I do or do not, but perhaps it’s reasonable to assume it all pretty much boils down the physical factor. All I am saying is that it takes much *less* effort if you’re taller/bigger. Perhaps it may even be the key to dating white women, all women.

    I’ve also notice even amongst very Westernised Asian women, it seems those who still desire an Asian man seems to be targeting very big Asian blokes (by Asian standards). These Asian men are usually between 175-183cm mark.

    Probably to a further extent, if you look amongst inter Asian dating/marriage (no stats to back up though) is that often people from North East Asia (Northern Chinese, Koreans) seem to score highly with other Asian women than those from either Japan or South East Asian. Korean men seem to be very popular amongst Japanese women…again, I’d say physical factor.

    Reply
  52. Emma

    oh please,im 5.1 at a push,so dating taller bigger guys just doesnt work for me,ive said it before and will say it again,asian men are a breed apart,in a good way,the way they are brought up,and the fact they feel they have to compete with caucasian males,leads to men who are better groomed and mannered,i have dated a couple of asian men,and i wont go back to caucasian,only problem is finding them,where are you all?

    Reply
  53. mooiness Post author

    emma: thanks for your point of view! Asian men are around but I think they tend to be in the background and less forward when it comes to picking up women. 😉

    Me, I just go out, have fun and talk to people without necessarily looking to pick up.

    Reply
  54. Pradeep Ahuja

    It is true that aussie girls wont date not only asian but also darker males from India, pakistan etc countries.I have noticed three kind of aussies girls/ladies. The older generation ,the ones who are above 60 have not had much interaction with darker males and they are overtly biased. The woman between 35 to 50 are nice to talk to and they would chat up but when it comes to dating,they wet their pants. if they fix a date , 90% chances are that u would get cancellation a few hours before.These women are covertly biased.
    However the younger generation especially between 18 to 30 are more open and dont mind going out with darker men. There is a subconcious complex in women above 35 and they are not attracted to darker men.That is my experience.

    Reply
  55. mooiness Post author

    Pradeep: that’s an interesting perspective – thanks for that! Though I think this preference for a lighter skin is not just confined to Caucasians. Some Asians also prefer a fairer looking companion.

    But if they don’t like you, that’s their loss. There’s nothing wrong with dating within our own races – even if dating a white woman may seem to some Asians to be the international standard for having “made it”. 🙂

    Reply
  56. jimba

    Asian men are as family-centric as Asian females, but that doesn’t stop your sisters from cross-cultural relationships. One thing all my Asian female friends have told me they like about Western guys is that they give them more autonomy. So, it makes sense that Asian men would be more interested in the Submissive Asiatic female than the independent Anglo-female who would not tollerate such outdated and insecure nonsense.

    Reply
  57. Mr anon.

    The thing is its the same in the US, at least in the southwest and east coast, its a tad bit easier in th emiddle or up in northwest, notice I said TAD bit. This is based personal, observation, and other sources.

    You also have a lot of asian girls wh oare sellouts and refuse to date or hook up with their own race, soley because of that here in southwest U.S.

    Also notice those guys you listed are super financially weathly. Not much you can do about it at all just hope.

    Reply
  58. James Kim

    Glad I found this website!

    Here in the northeast (New York) it is very very bad. Every asian female that I know has never dated an asian guy nor are they remotely interested. It’s disturbing to say the least. It’s very sad in my opinion.

    One thing I have noticed though, all the asian girls I know, and that’s a lot, have no problem having an asian guy be their best friend. I think it allows them to have it both ways. They date white men but feel connected and legit by having asian guy friends.

    I’ve expressed my views to some of them, some blow it off and pretend they don’t know what I’m talking about, but a couple have told me it’s true, they talk about it amongst themselves like it’s a secret but don’t acknowledge it publicly…kinda like governments and UFO’s…ya know?

    So not sure what you guys could take from this but I figured I’d chime in on this issue.

    Now some may ask why I’m still friends with them? Well, perhaps I’m hoping some will find their ways back home and not ignore who and what they really are…

    James

    Reply
  59. mooiness Post author

    Hi James.

    Thanks for your input! It’s always great to hear the experience of Asian guys in another part of the world.

    Regarding your friends, personally I’d stay friends with them too but I won’t hold out the hope that they’d somehow, someday turn back and date an Asian guy.

    What I’d do is go mix around a big variety of people which increases the chance of you meeting someone nice anyway. And as some of the comments here show, there are some white girls who are into Asian men. 🙂

    Reply
  60. James Kim

    Hi Mooiness,

    My buddy is asian and he’s actually never dated an asian girl!! He’s married to a white girl and she’s very pretty.

    He’s very good looking but even with that, asian girls aren’t interested in him! And you know what? He could care less! He’s “over it”. Happily married now….

    I don’t think I’m holding out, perhaps a little bit, I just feel that I am in no man’s land.

    I’m asian male who actually likes his culture but I’m very american at the same time. So it would make sense that I “should” be able to find and attract an asian-american female, you would think that would be a perfect fit…

    I’ve joked with my friends that we asian males are dealing with a “silent epidemic”…

    In any event, thanks for having a website like this, this issue should be exposed more as it seems the only “group” of people that really know what’s going on are asian men.
    (because we’re the only ones dealing with it)

    It would also be nice if some asian females could come here and talk about this. When I visited California, there were a lot of AF/AM and the AF that I talked to really do not like and associate with the asian females who closed the door on AM’s….

    So there does seem to be two groups of asian females, but I fear that the number of AF that don’t abandon their heritage/culture is getting slimmer by the generation….

    Reply
  61. mooiness Post author

    James: I think you pointed out the key factor and that is location. Cali girls vs NY girls have different attitudes etc. It’s the same over here in Western Australia, there isn’t a problem with us dating Asian girls per se. Perhaps you need to look elsewhere other than NY, or at least a different part of town anyway if you really want an Asian girl?

    And like your married friend, I have a cousin who’s only ever dated white girls, and another who’s married one.

    I understand the part about being connected culturally. You know what other girls I like: Italians and Irish girls because they share similar Asian family values.

    I’d be like your married friend and not fret so much about it though. Just widen your scope a little and enjoy life in the mean time. 🙂

    Reply
  62. James Kim

    Location location location!

    Yeah they are quite snooty here. Again it’s sad… the white girls are much more opened minded but they won’t actually role the dice and seriously date an AM. The AF however will give you a look if you try to kick it to them as if they are just simply not interested in you.

    One other thing is that I have seen very very pretty AF girls with pretty ugly white guys. No offense to them, but guys that are over weight, and don’t look like they groom. I saw two couples today while having some Dim Sum….

    I guess as long as they are white, they lower their standards because he’s white and that’s all that really matters to them…they can tell their mom how they got themselves a white guy….whatever….

    I try not to let it bother me too much, I just keep thinking that all these AF have lost their souls in some way…

    As for the Irish/Italian thing I am with you on that! My last GF was an italian beauty!! I have yet to date Irish but I would like to give that a shot….

    Anyways glad I could get some of this stuff off my chest, I hope more people see this blog and can contribute!!

    Reply
  63. Alan

    The key to the mystery of why some (or lots depending on your experience) westernized Asians – male or female – would reject dating their own kind lies in the media portrayals within their respective countries. For too many people, what they see on the tube, magazines, etc., is what they aspire to, emulate or desire.

    What DL said in comment #22 is exactly right.

    Reply
  64. mooiness Post author

    alan: agreed! Having spend my formative years in an Asian country (Malaysia), and then ever since in Australia, I can see that “pro-Western” attitude in amongst a lot of those born and bred here.

    That said though, there are all kinds of ppl out there – why focus on those who don’t like Asian males (and/or females)? 🙂

    Reply
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  66. Tini

    Great blog..just found it. I think maybe Asian men need to be more forward with white chicks and approach them if they like them. I’m half Asian, half white and used to find it hard to “read” Asian guys, to gauge whether they’re interested in you or not. So yeah, Asian guys need to be bolder when it comes to white chicks compared to Asian chicks.

    PS: I used to have the hugest teenage crush on Bruce Lee!!

    Reply
  67. Kiwi Tigger

    VERY interesting topic mate!.

    I am a part brown Kiwi, only a little taller than you, and we will not comment on nob size, because number 84 is offended! lol.
    I have had Aussie girlfriends, and Chinese ones, AND Japanese ones, as well as just about the entire European map of women too.

    And I can tell you the secret mate. Asian guys don’t get Aussie girls for the reasons you list, true enough, but the REAL reason isn’t anything to do with race, and has everything to do with culture.

    I got swags and swags of friends, from every race there is, I never dated a girl without being mates with her brothers except once in my 40 years of dating, and I honestly tell you the secret I KNOW about this, because I know what my mates that don’t get the girls, don’t do.

    You asian guys don’t date Aussie girls because you are not (culturally) brave enough to ask them. That’s all. It is not looks, or brains or money or nob size.

    There you go. If I could spare the time to fly over, I could show you how it is done, would be happy to help you, mate. Nice blokes like yourself have nice girls ALL AROUND THEM waiting, waiting, CRYING OUT for a laugh and feed and a leg-over, and you don’t ask, so you don’t get sport.
    If a Maori like me can date a blonde-haired-blue-eyed Aussie girl, don’t fool yourself for a second that RACE is holding you back.

    Next time you talk to one of your Asian mates who HAS dated a Aussie, tell him my opinion , and you see. He will laugh and say “Dead right”.
    🙂 Go ask them, Mooi Mate!.

    Reply
  68. mooiness Post author

    Kiwi Tigger: thanks for your thoughts. I agree about the cultural aspect, which I’d talked about. I have no problems talking to women of all kind but that may not be the case for all Asian men. 🙂

    Reply
  69. David

    this is stupid…my last 3 girls friends have been from europe…..all caucasian…. russian greek and german and my parents are from hong kong…. u just gotta put ur ass on the line and go and talk to people…..

    Reply
  70. Isi

    I find this whole phenom quite disconcerting and a bit funny. I’m a Chinese american girl in the BAY Area. I see more yellow girls with Nordic partners, so what. If that’s how they please to do things then let ’em be. I for one am neither jealous nor proud (just a bit irritated at times). Same with every other kind of IR union, really.

    I think we are just taking our sweet, sweet time in realizing that if damn near an entire race of people were inferior or unattractive they wouldn’t be around. Don’t buy that white man shit. While he was telling you that his white woman was the precious gem of the earth, he was down in the slave shacks romping around with Negro women, diluting the African blood. Don’t believe me, just take one look at slave-descended Black americans and compare them to their brothers back in the motherland.

    Everything you know is BS drummed up by the insecure and the desperate of our past. It just builds on from there, thanks to us. Nowadays, with society very deeply stratified, I can see how some will find mostly [x race] more compatible. That’s fine. but beyond things like your favorite hipster rock band and yuppie Starbucks lattes we’re all extremely alike… people need to realize that, it’d make life much happier. My only advice to anyone is to get over your in/superiority complex and just try to be happy in your own way, as our human race has come this far and you deserve it. Plus, you’d be just that much cooler if you weren’t you know, a self-loathing paranoid racist (or the reverse of self-hate). For those of us not too tied down, that means checking out all the colors, be it yellow, black, brown, white, red, or what have you. Trust me, there are plenty of people out there who can’t wait to bust out and be things that probably will defy your typecasting of them.

    Yeah, you’re still gonna be a loser for dating or not dating someone because of race (“Oh, but [x race] is so ugly! WAH WAH WAH!”) Really, get over it.

    Reply
  71. lol

    uh, ok Isi, if we’re all extremely alike, then why are asian women going with white men specifically AND not going with asian men?

    Your thoughts contradict the current situation.

    Reply
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  73. Alex

    Well I am 183cm (around 6′) tall and around 80 kg. I would say I am a pretty big Asian guy, even bigger than half of the white guys that I know. I also think I behave much like an Aussie than an Asian. Therefore I concluded that the only reason that makes me not being able to date a girl must be because I look ugly as f**k. But after asking many friends of mine (most of them are Aussies too), I get told I am not a hot/sexy guy, but I don’t look crap. So I now have no idea why no girls would date me? LOL

    Reply
  74. Emma

    At the end of the day we are all the same on the inside,well with the bones and the blood etc.What i don’t understand is why ppl are making such a big deal about this,i have dated men from across Asia with the exception of japan,and at the end of the day men are still men! i do however enjoy the company of Asian men compared to Aussies,and not being Aussie myself may contribute to that fact(im English),i don’t always understand Aussies,they think a little different,but so does everyone,its just Asian men are more physically appealing to me,and better conversationalists,once you get them started,but they are still human and need the same things we all do,so why “Caucasian”girls give them a wide berth is beyond me,all i can say is more for me! but to all those Asian men out there who think “we white girls are all the same” look a little closer and you will find tolerant and broad minded ppl who are culturally different but also culturally accepting,i admit that there are some really big cultural differences,but if you meet someone who isn’t willing to work through them with you,they arent worth your time!

    Reply
  75. Tizon

    I am an Asian guy. My experiences dealing with Caucasian girls have been vary. Some are nice to talk to, but only at a friend’s capacity. It’s hard to try to get to know them better, because they just seem to act strange around me particularly in public, it’s like they don’t want to be seen with an Asian guy in case people think less of them or something. It has to be with other people around the group or the age gap between us is so obvious that people can’t get it wrong.

    While I am not an amazingly good looking guy, but I am not ugly. Prob a 7/10. 176cm in height, so an average guy on appearance. People usually say I am a like-able person and pleasant to be around from most races in Melbourne. So I don’ know why white girls act uncomfortable.

    Some white girls are really racist to me. It sucks when they are in the office and I have to work with them. I find them acting all awkward when they are simply sitting next to me to a computer screen to train me. They blush, then rush the training and then just leave and say they’ve helped me. They don’t take me seriously. They try to avoid me, when I have done nothing wrong, or even try to hit on them.

    Just walking on the street, when I see white girls approaching from the opposite direction, I try to engage them with my eyes and then follow up with a smile to be polite. They just simply look away or pretend something interesting is currently occupying their eyes. Occasionally I would get a white girl who would look my way (1/10 chances), but because I would be denied the basic acknowledgement of existence all the time from them, I would just assume this one would do it too. This is I when you hear stories on forums from white girls that say that Asian guys are simply not attracted to them. The truth is that Asian guys get rejected so much from white girl all the time, that when one that is different comes by, the Asian guy just gonna give up assuming the same behaviour from her.

    The way I would gauge if the white girl is nice is to try hold a conversation with her that involves eye contact, and I would confidently engage her eyes with mine. If her eyes welcomes mine, that generally means they are comfortable with me. If they would offer to help me out when I need help, then that is a good sign. A white girl that isn’t into me would just look away, like I am too ugly for them. Of course at work this is different, they can’t just ignore me. However they might make up some bullshit answer to make me go away instead of trying to help me out at work.

    Reply
    1. bernard

      I’m Chinese Australian, my experience in my interaction with white women is similar to yours.
      When I walk down the street and see a beautiful white woman and made eye contact. 9/10 the girl just arrogantly threw her face aside, like she’s some kind of princess and I’m some kind of peasant unworthy of her attention.

      It’s really annoying I must say and arrogant on their part. And by the way, just before you think it’s normal to every girls. No, I found latina and asian girls don’t do this, only white girls. They return my eye contact and blush, which I find rather cute.

      Reply

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