What you see is what you get

November 1, 2006 7:43 PM
Madonna Material Girl
Would I date Madonna? Hell yeah
but I’d be realistic about it.

Don’t expect your boyfriend or girlfriend to suddenly change just because they are going out with you. And this is especially true when he or she has many friends of the opposite sex. Sometimes they have more friends of the opposite sex than not. And they like it that way. In fact, that was how you both met in the first place.

Don’t go into the relationship thinking that they would abandon their male or female friends just because of you. They won’t do it, and their friends wouldn’t expect them to either. Especially when you are the newcomer.

To me the problem starts when you expect yourself to be the exclusive member of the opposite sex that they’re allowed to have in their social circle. As in the one and only. Sure they can have other friends, so long as they are of the same sex.

Some of you may think that you are generous because you still allow them to stay in touch with their friends of the opposite sex. But then you have rules like they cannot go out one on one with them, at night, for drinks, for clubbing … whatever.

Yes I expect certain boundaries to be drawn once two people are dating exclusively. But trust is also important. If you go into the relationship being highly suspicious and thinking that they might cheat on you, then it’s doomed from the start. If the person respects you and is trustworthy, then they would act accordingly in the relationship. If they aren’t, then maybe you should not be with them afterall.

Guy surrounded by girls
Boyfriend material? Go into it with your eyes wide open.
(from his MySpace page)

What you see now is what you will get. Don’t like it? Then don’t get involved. But if you do get involved, then don’t complain and stress out about it.

All that energy that you would spend making up rules, stressing over their whereabouts, being jealous and arguing over petty things like who called whom and when, could be used better don’t you think? If you are realistic and practical about it, I guarantee that you will have a better relationship.

And remember, you are the one who gets to go home with them. That counts for something right?

[tags]dating, relationships[/tags]

13 thoughts on “What you see is what you get

  1. Leonard

    oh gosh, i’m experiencing it now after she found out that i’ve gone to 3 blogger meetings, keep repeating that i kept a good secret…

    things started to get haywire here….

    still there, not jetting over yet?

  2. CW

    Couldn’t agree more. If you can’t trust the person, it’s going to be very stressful for you both. And expecting a person to change to suit you is not realistic and quite unfair on them, I feel.

  3. mooiness Post author

    sourrain: some random dude I found on Google. 😀

    herman: exactly, her friends would resent you, she would resent you and the whole relationship just goes downhill from there.

    Leonard: you went without your gf? why not?

    I’m flying over Sunday.

    CW: exactly. Expecting ppl to change is a crapshoot. If one can accept the now, any improvements later would be an even bigger bonus.

  4. An

    yah. As they always say, Trust is very impt in a relationship.

    Cute guy, sexy gals… wooow! lucky dude. Hehe! Will go back and check out the Myspace before any further comments. =P

  5. LupinTan

    I was talking with my platonic friend yesterday in regards to this. This is wat I told her.

    “Look dear, I might have a problem explaining my relationship with you to my future gf/wife”

    “Not only you, but another 1-2 girls also, I will be having difficulties explaining my relationship with them to my future gf/wife”

    Hahaha. Timely entries, kudos.

    Question is, are you in this kinda situation rite now? How are you handling it then? Give me some pointers, hahaha.

  6. ian

    What’s the implication of that dude’s MySpace? I don’t get this part. As for the rest, I’m wondering if it’s going to be utterly difficult… I’ll have to be there to try it for myself to know then…

  7. mooiness Post author

    An: trust IS important. If nothing else, when you have trust you have more time to enjoy the relationship as opposed to being stressed out by the doubts and jealousies.

    Lupin: I’ve been in that situation and I have had male and female friends complain to me about their bfs/gfs about the same situation.

    Advice? I think you can sense a jealous or possessive person somehow. Then it’s up to you whether you want to pursue a relationship with such a person.

    ian: the dude is just there to illustrate my point about some guys having lotsa female friends. That’s all.

    My point to all this is that, if you go into a relationship willingly with a girl who has a lot of guy friends or vice-versa, then you have to be a little more trusting and flexible about it.

    Otherwise, the relationship will crap out due to all the stress and arguments.

  8. girlstar7

    Yes, but another question to pose is this: are you comfortable with your significant other being friends with their ex boyfriend/girlfriend? The female/male friends thing has never been an issue in any of my r/ships as I’m not overly jealous and none of my boyfriends have been either. BUT the ex issue certainly has been…a post for another time maybe???

  9. Su

    Trust is everything. Making sure that their bf / gf have no friends of the opposite sex won’t help. If they want to disloyal, it can happen anywhere, anytime.

    I had a ‘weird’ experience once when I was back in Msia, my platonic friend starting going out with his current gf while she was overseas. When she came back to Msia, she kept pestering him that she wants to meet me. She said she wanted to meet me since I am so close to him. Oh boy, what a weird experience.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *