What, no “me time”?


February 10, 2007 5:36 PM
Couple arguing

After a week, that whole thing with John and Lisa starts to make more sense to me now. Not that I accept the reasoning but I’m beginning to understand a bit more why Lisa got mad.

For many women, once they get into a relationship everything else gets pushed down the list in terms of priority. In that scenario, the relationship is their utmost concern. Everything that they do revolves around the relationship. It’s a ladder of important things, and there can only be one at the top.

For some men however, it’s less a ladder than a messy table. The relationship is not the top priority, it’s just one of the priorities. It’s a time management issue and different priorities get the attention at different times.

So in relation to last weekend’s incident, here’s how the above theory is applied. Even when Lisa’s out, she has John in her mind at all times. They are not supposed to spend long amounts of time apart because they are a couple. John made the mistake of promising Lisa that he would go over and see her, even though it may be difficult. In the end, Lisa saw it as a broken promise. It was never about being flexible.

In John’s mind, and for many of us who had been on his side, he’s been a good boy all this time so he deserved his “me time”. And it’s not a big deal because he’s going to see her the next morning, and every morning after that. In Lisa’s point of view, he wasn’t prioritising the relationship. Because if he did, he would have made sure his friend didn’t drink too much, that he didn’t go out till 4am, and that he did make it over to her friend’s place no matter the situation. Phew!

Even though as I’ve theorised, just because he wasn’t prioritising the relationship on the night, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t view it as important. But I’m sure that point is very difficult to make.

As for me? I’m a messy table guy. And I am still looking for my messy table girl. 🙂

[tags]dating, relationships[/tags]

13 thoughts on “What, no “me time”?

  1. girlstar7

    I think I’m a messy-table kinda girl too. I’m quite an independent person and even when I’m in a relationship and very much in love, I still need “me time”. you know, those days where you might just be reading a book in your room or watching TV, but you’re doing it on your own, and you don’t really want anyone else around.
    I also need time with my friends. Sometimes I will bring my bf at the time out with my friends. But sometimes, I just want time alone with my friends without a bf tagging along.
    I guess I’m looking for a guy that thinks the same way…we both love spending time together, but also sometimes need time apart to do our own thing… In my opinion, that makes a healthier relationship than a couple who is 24/7 joined at the hip.

    Reply
  2. DeV|LisH

    In Lisas point of view, he wasnt prioritising the relationship. Because if he did, he would have made sure his friend didnt drink too much, that he didnt go out till 4am, and that he did make it over to her friends place no matter the situation.

    Well based on ur above point of view i agree that’s wat gals normally WISH. But thing is not all things we can control rite?

    But even for me if just ONCE i don’t mind la. If too often then i will get mad as well if he’s late becos of game.If becos of fren that one nvm i got ‘liang xim’ one haha

    But for the part that u looking for messy table gal if that’s the case u can consider
    girlstar7. haha hey it’s true and as for me i don’t like to have a guy to cling to me all the time but if got bf always end up they demand me to spend MORE time with them.

    Ah u dunno half of it , some even said why i spend more time with me parents! of all ppl to compare -.- well glad i’m SINGLE now at least peace of mind and i get to do watever i want without getting someone to check on u all the time.

    Reply
  3. van

    bit generalizing yea? i dont know if it’s something u like to believe or u have friends (and perhaps urself) who have extremely clingy girlfriends. i certainly dont consider my rship my straight top right on top priority. also some (not all) of my male friend who read this were surprised that u didnt think that their rships werent near the extreme top of their list of important stuff.

    so i think it really depends on the person and their degree of commitment to a rship, that determines where/how they prioritize the rship in question, not really whether or not they are male or female.

    Reply
  4. DeV|LisH

    ya agreed with u van! this thing actually apply to both gender but one thing must always remember. If he/she meant to be urs no matter how apart u are and so on u will still end up together. That’s what i always belif so i gave all my ex bf FULL Freedom they can do watever they want as long i don’t learn about it from my frens. Hear no evil , see no evil do no evil

    Reply
  5. mooiness Post author

    girlstar7: agreed, we all need time to breathe alone.

    Devilish: of course, guys can be the same about focusing everything on the relationship. As for spending time with your family, that’s what I meant about different priorities at different times. And for your second point about trusting your SO – that’s a good attitude. If they abuse your trust, then they don’t deserve you anyway.

    mn: hahah glad to know that there are more of us than I thought.

    van: I said “some men”. and yes the points I made can be easily be applied the other way around. However, to me anyway, even if a person is committed to the relationship it doesn’t mean they don’t have other priorities that they should just ignore. Like what Devilish mentioned above about spending time with her family.

    Reply
  6. DeV|LisH

    Mooey: thanks for agreeing with me cos basically any r/ship have to have the trust. U give them ur trust if they betray u then just take it u judge wrongly and he’s not meant to be lor. Eh pai seh i type Mooey aje la ha ha anyway Happy Chinese new year to all!

    Reply
  7. sourrain

    hmm..

    I still think john shouldnt promise her in the first place. If he deserves/want some me time, then fine, but dont go making promises to cut short the me time.

    Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think a couple should be together 24/7.Bt John made the choice to cut short his me time by promising Lisa he will pop over, which means he cari pasal sendiri..lor.

    Reply
  8. mooiness Post author

    sourrain: that we agree on – he shouldn’t have promised. There’s a lesson there I think. That even if she whines and complains about it at the beginning of the night, it’s better to just say, “I’ll probably be late. Don’t wait up.” 😀

    Reply
  9. John

    last Saturday night i tried a different tact. I informed Lisa i would be out very late at a good friends wedding celebration and probably wouldnt get home until at least 2am. Maybe this was the right way to go??

    WRONG!! Lisa told me i would be tired the next day and any important things that needed to be done would be put off until another time. She “suggested” 11pm to be a better time. I did not feel like watching the clock all night to meet my deadline at an occassion that was important to me. To make peace (concede to avoid another 3 hours of arguing after i was already now running late because an hour before a wedding is a great time to “talk”) i said i’d make it by 1am.

    All night i clock watched to ensure i made it home by the time she made me obligate too. It sucked bigtime and i resented her for it.

    Reply
  10. mooiness Post author

    John: sheesh dude. You can’t even celebrate your friend’s wedding without checking the clock all night? Hmm. I am beginning to feel very frustrated and this isn’t even my relationship! 😛

    Reply
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