Newbies running an Internet business

May 18, 2007 9:04 PM

Internet for Dummies

I work for a company that provides online services. And we take it for granted that not everyone is as net-savvy as us. But some people really do take the cake.

What is this “email” you keep talking about?

Me: Ok I will send these details to your email address. What would that be?
Customer: I don’t have one. Can you fax it to me please?

Customer: Why haven’t you got back to me regarding such and such?
Me: Oh I mentioned that I will send you more details to your email.
Customer: You did?
Me: Yeah.
Customer: Oh sorry I forgot. I only read my email if I know I’m getting one.

If I’ve built it, why doesn’t anyone come?

Customer: I’ve set up my e-commerce site just like you’ve instructed me. How come I don’t get any sales?
Me: Have you done any advertising? Promoted your domain name in magazines, newspapers, your shop signage etc.?
Customer: No, isn’t that what Google is for?
Me: Yes it can be used that way but you are selling something very common and there are hundreds and thousands of sites out there doing the same thing.
Customer: Hmph, well then how come I’m not #1 when people search for what I’m selling?

I’m just lazy, ok?

Customer: Hmm, I didn’t know setting up this online thing requires any effort on my part.

Customer: This is so difficult. Shouldn’t this be easier?
Me: It shows on our records that you declined our free basic training. Is there a reason why?
Customer: I don’t have the time.
Me: Ok, we do have an online user guide that you can …
Customer: I can’t be bothered. Just tell me on the phone now.

Maybe I’m just not cut out for this

Customer: Ok wait a minute. How do I browse the Internet again?

*oldie but a goodie*
Customer: I can’t see my website. Are you guys down?
Me: Not that I know of. Let me check. Yeah, nope … doesn’t seem to be our problem. I can see your website fine.
Customer: Are you sure?
Me: Yes. *hears old school dialup modem dialing out* Wait, is that your modem connecting?
Customer: Yeah I forgot to dial into the Internet.

21 thoughts on “Newbies running an Internet business

  1. Dabido

    How did so many stupid people come ot own computers? 🙂

    Actually, I usually refrain from teasing those less computer literate … but, in the case of the lazy guy I have to laugh at him! 🙂

  2. Greg

    Reading that i am reminded of the fact that i could never work on a computer help desk. I would start off helpful but in the end i would either be laughing too much or just plain sarcastic!

  3. Indra

    I wouldn’t mind the first case as much. It wasn’t that bad. But the rest are simply hilarious.

    I guess I would stick with Greg and stay away from being a computer help desk. I would be laughing at customers, OR being rather sarcastic hahahaha

    MORE MORE! Me want more! 😛 This is really entertaining.

  4. mooiness Post author

    Dabido: lazy and ignorant ppl are the worst!

    Rachel: you’re not that bad. At least you know that you need to learn. There are those who expect everything to be done for them.

    Fredison: in vague and non-specific ways, yes.

    Greg: oh you got that right. It takes lots of practice to maintain a calm voice when all you wanna do is yell.

    Indra: hilarious now, yes but at the time excruciating. Heh.

    IZ Reloaded: hmm, not a bad idea.

  5. girlstar7

    HAHA that reminds me of my late grandma (who I love and still miss very much) bless her, she was ahead of most 80-somethings in that she actually HAD the Internet, knew what e-mail was (although she called it “the e-mail”), and owned a mobile phone. Although sometimes she would ring me, my brother or my cousins with queries such as:
    “so how do I turn on my mobile phone?”
    “I managed to turn my phone on, now it is ringing but I don’t know how to pick it up!”
    “how do I send an e-mail again?”
    “how do I find a website? where do I type it?”
    funny. I guess you have to understand that some people grew up in a completely different era and that all this technology is just a bit too much for them! some people grew up with ‘the wireless’ and not much else technology…

  6. mooiness Post author

    girlstar7: at least she’s willing to learn. A lot of these clients that I deal with don’t even want to do that when it is their business that we are trying to set up!

    10/3: setting up an Internet business is no different to setting up a “real” business but a lot of times, they just don’t see it that way. For some reason they think it should be simple – set up shop and ppl will come sorta mentality.

  7. Indra

    thank God my parents are already ‘trained’

    my dad use gmail and google from day to day basis

    my mum (here’s the great part) use gmail for emails, had a Friendster account (and actually active in it, she has more page views than me!) she made her own yahoo avatar, and currently learning Photoshop from me so she won’t have to bug me everytime she wants to edit some photos 😛

    least u won’t have to deal with em huh? 😛

  8. rn

    my favourite ones are no 2 and 3 – the “I’ve built it, so why no response” and the “too hard but lazy”… when I talk to these kind of people, it’s not that they are IT idiots. They are just idiots… and they manage to blame others for everything! haha

  9. Patrick

    On the other hand though, we (me and the Mrs) have had some amazing….stunningly woeful experiences with webhosts. Ipowerweb (who deleted 2 years of work and then chastised us for not having an “index.html” page when we asked where did our stuff go), Smartyhost (rude ignorant and a total waste of money. I for one want a host that is open on weekends. It was not unusual for them to have a site failure on a Saturday and not have it fixed until Monday),and Acehost, (we offer the sun moon and planets….why are you not happy with this handful of dirt?) spring to mind. I don’t think there is a helpful or even intelligent being between the three of them.

  10. mooiness Post author

    Patrick: oh I have a bad personal experience with Smartyhost too and yet they remain in business. Like any industry, unfortunately there are bad eggs in the IT industry too.

  11. dreymer


    Reminds me of my dad when he first got his email.

    Friend: So what’s your email?
    Dad: It’s C-K-S…. umm.. monkeytail hotmail dot com.
    Friend: Monkeytail?
    Dad: Yeah, it’s that funny curly sign thing

  12. BigZapfer

    Designer: Hi, I’am the graphic designer here, I’ll be making your website, I’ve made a few of them so you should listen to me and my experience, it well make things easier for every one.

    Client: You don’t know what your doing, I know everything. Make some thing that looks good but do it really fast, like in 5 mins

    Designer: Right, I’ll just get a quick brief off you then.

    Client: Can’t be assed, make something that’s exactly what I want but you’ll have to sort it out yourself because I can’t be bothered to give you five minutes, for a proper brief.

    Designer: Can I at least get a logo.

    Client: Can’t you just copy it or draw it yourself ?….

    (After the first design)

    Designer: I think that’s want you need, based on my experience and research of your company.

    Client: That’s crap, I don’t like it for no real reason other then you got it right the first time, so quickly, which means I didn’t get my money worth. I also don’t have anything constructive to add but do some more designs and I look at them when I feel like it.

    (Several designs later)

    Client: hmm, I think I like the design I came up with in the first place, your new stuff is no good, use what I made originally.

    Designer: Could you come a bit closer….. (hudoken-upper cuts client)

    🙂 Admitadly most clients where pretty good, although there where some that I would like to get my hands on

    Later man.


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