How would you ditch a friend’s invite?


August 5, 2007 6:08 PM

Girls walking away from each other

swisschee @ stock.xchng

A whole lot of questions …

Other than just not feeling like it, the only time that I could decline an invite to go out with friends would be if I was sick or there was a family thing going on. But here’s the tricky part: what if you felt better later in the night, or the family thing ended earlier than thought and another friend called to ask you out, what would you do?

Go out with this friend?
Reject this second invite and call up the first friend and tell them you can make it after all?

And what if you go out with the second friend, and then the first friend found out?

What are your excuses then? “I haven’t seen the other friend for longer”? I mean what can you say that can possibly make that friend feel less rejected?

Or how about other times, you ditch your friend for a date with a single available male/female? Would that be the only clause acceptable? And what if that male/female becomes a boyfriend/girlfriend? The juggling becomes even more complicated. Sex or friends? Sex is always good but friends last longer than boyfriends or girlfriends usually. Hmm, tough one.

Do your friends exist and are ranked in your head, on imaginary A-lists, B-lists, and C-lists? Do your friends know about your lists? Do they understand that an A-list invite trumps one from the B or C-lists? How would a B or a C-list friend get onto your A-list? Or would they be so pissed off that they are not on your A-list that they don’t care about being friends with you anymore?

The social scene is such a mine field. I reckon it’d be easier if you were a bastard and not care about how other people feel. But then, you wouldn’t have that many friends then, and you wouldn’t be having these issues in the first place!

How do you juggle your social invites? Tips? Advices? Let me know. 🙂

16 thoughts on “How would you ditch a friend’s invite?

  1. mooiness Post author

    bunnygoeszen: well, not every group of your friends mix well together. but yeah, you understand the dilemma.

    Jeremy: there’s that option but cannot lah – like most ppl I crave social contact.

    Reply
  2. blur ting

    Wah, you have too many friends! For me, I have to deal with my 2 kids first. Nights out are really precious. They’d go “Huh? going out again? With who?!”

    You can’t please everyone really. Maybe you should have a roster. They just have to take turns.

    If my friends need to confide in me, they become priority that night. Or a friend from out of town visits, that too cannot wait. So you can always tell the friends you have ditched that you really have to go out with this other friend because he/she has something urgent to discuss with you.

    Reply
  3. mooiness Post author

    blur ting: hahah I can understand your situation. And it is true that you can please everyone. I do also agree with your prioritisations: friends in need and friends from out of town get the priority.

    Reply
  4. sourrain

    I will shamefully admit that I am a ditcher. Yes, I do have A-list vs. B-list friends.

    It just depends on who I get along better with. It doesn’t mean that I don’t like the B-listed friends, but its more acquaintances than friends. As for real friends, I have but a handful, so I will definately ditch B list for A list if needed.

    And I like keeping my group of friends ‘apart’ as well, which is a little strange on my part, but its hard to please everyone at the same time! So I’d rather not bring everyone together if it means me having to be the peacemaker.

    And as for ditching friends for dates – it will depend on how much you like the bloke,because in my opinion dates can always be rearranged.

    Reply
  5. mooiness Post author

    sourrain: nothing wrong with having lists, and by their very nature sometimes ppl do progress into your A-list.

    I’m like you too regarding the separation groups – I have groups for specific kinds of activities. Hahah!

    What I meant about the dates was what if it was last minute – which would you choose, friends or hot date? Therein lies the dilemma. 😉

    Reply
  6. sourrain

    If im really into that guy or if I’ve been trying to get him to ask me out for a long time, I would ditch the friends.

    I mean, they would understand

    But if we (me and friends) were actually doing something with expenses included like holiday,cinema ect, then I should not ditch them because that’s just not fair to them to go alone ect.

    So there is a difference..if it was just coffee or regular clubbing I was missing, then its ok.

    Reply
  7. girlstar7

    sourrain: yes, like you I have A-list and B-list friends. the A-list friends I will always choose first to go out with. if anyone else offers, I will ditch them for the A-list friends. the b and c-list friends are usually second-choice options e.g. if friends on the higher list aren’t available. A-list friends are usually closer, we get along better, have more in common etc. there are many people on lower lists that I always mean to catch up with but never do, cause I ditch them for A-list friends! But I’m sure they do the same thing to me!

    Reply
  8. mooiness Post author

    sourrain: I think it gets more and more complicated once you add more variables into it! but yeah I getcha.

    Dabido: hahah well, sometimes if they don’t call you, you have to call them.

    girlstar7: so basically you’d never get to know the B and C-list ppl well enough for them to be on your A-list. Hehe. It’s a vicious circle.

    herman: “some click better than others” – by that definition, you do have some sort of list in place then. 😉

    Reply
  9. Indra

    I’m more of the “as I feel” type. If I feel like goin out after the family thingy got cancelled, then I will call and simply say that I’m available now and can go out.

    I don’t really group my friends. I might have lean a little over to the friends I’m comfortable and closer with.. but no big differences.

    Sometimes I’ll just say no to any invitation, simply because I feel like staying home.

    Reply
  10. clara

    Friends over blokes.
    Friends that don’t have a history of being self-centered over friends that are are self-centred.
    Friends that aren’t cheapskates over insane penny-pinchers that just border on being friends.
    Friends that are snobby over friends that think everything should be bought at a “Good Sammy” store or bargain chain store. The bitching makes it all a laugh!
    Friends that are fun and decisive over friends that seem to have no opinion on anything.. you know the ones that say “anything” when you ask them what they want to do.

    —- hahahahahaha

    Reply

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