The Mind-Fuck

October 31, 2007 11:10 PM

There are three major ways that a guy can be played for a fool. In verbal and in physical ways, and in written forms such as email and text-messaging.


The written form is the one that causes the biggest prat fall. With the written word, a guy has to extract the meaning out of them without the benefit of body language or tone of voice. Being very vague and full of double-meaning, it provides ample wiggle room for the woman, especially when she’s not overtly flirtatious with you in person. At least with physical methods, a guy can be excused for misunderstanding a woman’s intentions if she’s touching or rubbing up against him.

How to deal with it: learn to take everything literally, or with a grain of salt. That is, don’t read too much into it.


What appear to be innocuous words can carry a lot of meaning when the guy has feelings for the girl. What would make it a mind fuck would be when the girl knows that and says them anyway. That is when these kinds of conversations happen:

No, I didn’t mean that.
No, you misunderstood.
I didn’t know you’d take it that way.
You thought I was serious?!

Classic phrases used are various forms of subtle requests:

  • Call me.
  • Let’s catch up some time.
  • We should hang out more often.

Or compliments that make you think that she likes you:

  • Oh, you are so sweet.
  • You are so nice to me. Why are you single?
  • Why can’t every guy be like you?

You know you are being played when you stick your neck out and try to take it further with her, and she rebuffs you.

How to deal with it: just like with the written mind-fuck, don’t read too much into it. Talk is cheap unless coupled with action.


The physical form is the hardest to deal with. Especially if it’s combined with the other two. It’s hard to think straight when she’s touching you, or letting you touch her.

How to deal with it: unless you are desperately aching to be laid, there’s a crude mental exercise to use. Think of the sex that you can *maybe one day* get from her in dollar terms, and then think to yourself is it worth it? Or are you better off getting it from a prostitute? Because that way, you are spared the head games and emotional turmoil.

That in a nutshell, is my approach to the mind-fuck. I think this is one very good reason why people should date extensively so that they would know when they are being played. Even then, there are some guys who never quite gain a healthy sense of cynicism. Some may think cynicism is no good but to me, being an idealist is worse. It just means the person is naive. Woe to those who ends up marrying the person who mind-fucks them, and suffers the head games for as long as the marriage lasts.

Who knows why these girls say and do the things that they do? Perhaps, they like the attention and knowing that they can still pull a guy. Maybe they like using other people to boost their self-esteem issues. Either way, it’s not worth the time and effort trying to understand their motives.

Better to find a well-adjusted woman who don’t play games. You don’t want to be a toy for a dysfunctional woman, right?


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24 thoughts on “The Mind-Fuck

  1. blur ting

    Even as a woman, i really dislike women who play mind games with men too. I think you’re right about them wanting to boost their self esteem. WHile it’s good to put your defences up, don’t shut yourself from the sincere ones who come along.

    I have a friend whom I respect alot as a person. He’s in his 50s, single and is well respected in the industry as a writer. However, he has never allowed himself to fall in love with any woman. He is often too wary and thinks that no woman would be interested in him. I keep telling him there are all kinds of women out there and not everyone is after money. I speak for other women like myself. Sometimes we just click with the other person… like soulmates….and don’t really care about other things like money, job security etc.

  2. mooiness Post author

    blur ting: while I may put up a barrier, I know when to put it down too. I just haven’t met the right one yet. 🙂

    In your friend’s case, perhaps he has been burned too many times? Being wary is ok but I think as long as he keeps circulating himself out there and having fun, then he’s not doing too badly yet.

    alyndabear: hahah good to know! I’ve had females friends who do it to others and I’ve had women done that to me. I must thank them all for schooling me. 😛

  3. girlstar7

    Trust me, from a woman’s perspective there are plenty of head-fuck guys out there too. Obviously the way they work is slightly different, but they are still there. Hands up all the women out there who have been totally played by some asshole they thought was genuine? Yep, thought so! The good thing is as you get older, you learn how to spot these people (whether male or female) and some healthy cynacism can prevent you from getting fucked over like when you were 19.

    I’ve had some (and still got some) female friends in the past that have been total head-fucks, and done all the things you listed above. They say: ‘I don’t really like him in that way but I like the attention, and flirting with him is fun and makes me feel good.’ often these girls have self-esteem problems, and have to have every guy want them. whether they are attracted to the guy or not, they just live for that attention and get depressed when they don’t have it.

    Just realise it’s not you, it’s them (which I”m sure you do). I’m sure these girls are doing the same thing to plenty of other poor guys as well!

  4. Katie

    I hope I’m not a mind-fucker!

    I always try to make my intentions clear but sometimes I’ll look back on a conversation and realise my body language could have been a little flirtatious without meaning for it to be. I guess my male friends all know I have a boyfriend and I’m not “hinting” at anything, but it’s a good reminder to be aware of what we say and do in front of guys.

  5. mooiness Post author

    girlstar7: yeah it goes both ways for sure. Most ppl should learn from bad experiences but there are some who choose to believe the good in people. 😉

    Lupin: hahah well it’s not that bad. I think the problem is always about reading too much into things. These days, I just take everything on the surface. The downside of that is that ppl can’t be subtle with me. Hahah!

    Katie: although sometimes it could just be the guy being too eager and reading too much, when you are just behaving normally. Though there are some behaviour that may be too flirtatious. 🙂

  6. Lisa

    I’d have to say the guys are just a little worse. When girls do that, it’s mostly just for a little pick-me-up, an ego boost. Some don’t even know they do it. When guys do it, it’s to get laid. Am I right or am I right? 🙂 Anyway, mindfucks suck from whichever gender. Hi. New here.

  7. mooiness Post author

    Y: true that, though I can only tell it from a straight guy’s point of view. 🙂

    Lisa: thanks for dropping by! I think that men doing it for sex, and women doing it for emotional manipulation are both equal in terms of damage. But I agree – mind jerking from either sexes is not cool.

  8. nihonwhinequeen

    I think it’s all in creating a balance, yes, take them at face value. Sometimes, it is not even about gender. You know how new people meet up and start saying one of the above, it is the same thing, except it takes the the form of PR-ing.

    It takes 2 to clap, i.e. mind-fucker and mind-fuckee. And sometimes, we all get sucked in without even realising it.

    I have been on both sides.

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  10. nerban

    I love it when a girl mind-fucks with me. It keeps me interested but there must be a balance so. To me mind-fucking is like intellectual foreplay to see who will have the dominant role in the possibility of a relationship. I have had girls that i didn’t pay attention to fuck my enemies just to get my attention. after you get over that initial anger, it is really quite arousing and did the trick. After i saw that she was willing to play the game with such cruelty I was drawn to her.

  11. Sara

    Yes, I am guilty of a mindfuck but for good reason. We flirted with eachother for months when he was prince charming. Then he got confusing, blowing hot and cold. After the second time he stood me up I realised he was an emotional abuser. I was deeply hurt and after revenge, so I played him along until I was sure he was properly hooked. Then one night, I simply kissed him goodbye (and meant it). For a moment we were electricity! I haven’t seen him since……………The END

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  14. Steve

    Mind-fucking is fucking stupid. A girl is doing it now to me and I hate her for it. And I know she likes me and now Im pissed and I am fully dedicated to never talking to her again. So, advice for normal people, dont mindfuck.

  15. Dee

    What I don’t get is why you’re assuming that it’s the woman who would play these games, and not the man. Men play mindfuck games too, you know. I have always been very straightforward and honest with how I feel, but apparently that scares some men.

    Maybe they use their mindfuck games as a mask to hide behind, try to cover their vulnerability. Whatever the reason, it gets old quick. Maybe they think they’re being clever and fascinating when they’re really being manipulative and annoying.

    Remember the old Billy Joel song “She’s Always a Woman”? The lyrics describe the classic mindfuck gamer. But in my experience it’s usually a man, not a woman.

    PS: Nice picture of the yoyo. A friend of mine who has also had problems with men playing mindfuck games calls it their “push-pull” game. I guess a yoyo symbolizes that pretty well. What are those tricks you can do with a yoyo? “Walk the dog” and etc.? Yeah, how appropriate.

  16. lionel


    guys, can you help me please?
    i’m not sure of the sense of MIND FUCK in the following sentence, written by a girl: “I’m having quite the mind fuck”…

    Does she mean that she’s a mind fucker? Or does she mean that she’s been played for a fool by a mind fucker?

    And if she’s the mind fucker, then what does she look for acting like that? Is she testing? Is she looking for someting particular?

    Thanks for clearing up my mind! I would appreciate! 🙂


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