Ladies, don’t wait for him


November 14, 2007 11:02 PM

Mulan
Like Mulan, a woman should take charge of her life when necessary

I had a conversation with a friend in her early 30s a couple weeks ago. She had just broken up with her boyfriend of close to 5 years. I brought up a couple of points that I felt strongly about and I thought I’d share them with you.

  1. A woman has a finite window in her life when she can have kids safely, easily and without too much complications. If she wants children but the man who she’s with cannot commit, or does not want to have children with her, then she has to cut her losses short and move on. In this case, listening to her biological clock is the right thing to do.
  2. A single woman in her 30s who’s confident, and who’s established in her career should stop playing the coquettish woman she was in her 20s. If she likes a man, she should make the first move. Stuff “The Rules” and take the initiative. Men really love that. I know I do. And if he doesn’t, it doesn’t matter – you don’t want an insecure man anyway. You ain’t got time to dick around. ๐Ÿ˜‰

16 thoughts on “Ladies, don’t wait for him

  1. Papa

    I totally agree with the two statments you’ve made, and if anything I’d like to add a couple of things to those two points.

    1. Time tends to be against most women, while it’s on the side of most men. As one of my friends put it, with time most women seem to get older, but most men with time seem to “mature”. Also, seeing a younger woman with an older or much older man is almost typical, but reverse it and most of society see it strange. I need to point out whenever I see an older woman with a younger man I’m internally cheering her on.

    2. This is the reason many women lament, “I’m only attracting jerks.” Women acting coquettish won’t approach a guy in a setting because of silly societal dogma, and the nice guys most women want to meet are too shy to approach, so the guys that aren’t shy are the ones who are too full of themselves so the woman begins her lament of “I’m only attracting jerks.” I wouldn’t want my daughter when she’s older to get stymied by silly dogma. In the right circumstances if she sees a guy who’s got the attributes she’s looking for and he’s only lacking in a little self confidence I’d like for her to feel free enough to be able to start a conversation.

    Reply
  2. sourrain

    it goes both ways;

    1) desperation (due to bio clock) can lead them to settle for just about any jerk in the world.

    2) desperation leads to the mindless coquettish behaviours to minimize the glaring evidence of a succesful woman afraid of intimidating her potential ‘true love’

    Reply
  3. blur ting

    Well said. Another point to add for matured women who don’t want to have any (more) kids … keep really quiet about reproduction if the man doesn’t bring the topic up. Just assume that he doesn’t want kids. shhhh!

    Reply
  4. mooiness Post author

    Papa: your #2 makes a lot of sense. I’ve seen it a lot.

    mf: I hope so! Hahah!

    sourrain: true on both counts.

    alyndabear: agree but when you do, that’d be the best relationship!

    blur ting: hahah erm, that’s a grey area which might lead to problems down the line when he assumed that you are ok with more kids because you never said you weren’t ok with it! Hahah!

    Reply
  5. girlstar7

    Totally agree with you on those points. Even if a woman doesn’t know if she wants kids, she shoudln’t waste time with a loser anyway. I’ve seen too many women wait around for way too long with some jerk who won’t commit, hoping that if they wait long enough, he will change. Generally a guy will tell you early on in the relationship (or show signs) that he’s not ready for commitment or doens’t want kids. Life’s too short; cut your losses early on and go find a guy who’ll give you what you want!

    Reply
  6. mooiness Post author

    girlstar7: very true, the principles can be applied to younger women too. And I’ll add to your last sentence: Go find a guy who’ll give you what you want, and don’t be afraid to show him that you want him. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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  7. ront

    not so sure abt your point number 1……think its a debatable issue…….in the situation if the guy is a great guy…the only downside is he’s not willing/ready/(insert your reason here) to have kid……then is it really that high of a priority to move on just to pro-create with another man?….sounds like some sort of breeding program..hehe

    as for point #2….cant help to feel that you’re waiting for someone to ask you out…hehehe….get off your ass and work on it also lah.

    Reply
  8. mooiness Post author

    ront: wanting to have children can be a very strong urge for some women, and it’s only right for them to seek out the right partner to do it with.

    As for #2, I definitely wouldn’t mind it if women are more forward but I’m not waiting for anyone currently. And I don’t have a person in mind at the moment either.

    Reply
  9. ront

    got the game last evening…seems pretty good…

    did you get COD4 and stranglehold?

    COD4 IMO is pretty good…but surprisingly short…same with heavenly sword…and stranglehold has not been released here…for the sony version….%ยค%#ยค

    hmmm…..comment not related with the topic….bear with me..cheers!

    Reply
  10. lovie

    I like this post. I think what you’ve mentioned are really right.
    If I like a guy, I’ll take the initiative. You’ll never know if you never try, right? Who knows he might be your true love?

    Reply

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