Stealing someone’s unhappy girlfriend

January 20, 2008 3:25 PM

Hand plucking an apple
valkyrieh116 @ flickr

I’d steadfastly held on to the principle that I will not make a move or hit on a woman who isn’t available. I believe in karma also – the guy who steals someone else’s girlfriend deserves to have her stolen away from him too. Plus how can you ever be secure if the girl was the type to be easily persuaded by someone better who comes along?

But then my cousin Yvonne had put a new idea into my head. She said that, sometimes women tend to hold on to bad or unsatisfying relationships longer than necessary. The reason they do so is because they don’t want to be single even though they are not really happy as a couple with their current partners either. This goes a fair way in explaining the excuses these women make for their bad men.

The above means that a woman might hold on to her dud boyfriend until someone else shows an interest in her. The woman still have to find the new guy attractive of course, but it shows that an unavailable women isn’t so unavailable as one might think.

But how do you know she’s unhappy with her current relationship? How do you know if she’s ripe for the picking? Well, that’s an entirely different topic altogether. 🙂

21 thoughts on “Stealing someone’s unhappy girlfriend

  1. Lad Litter

    Hmmm, sounds like you might have shrouded a specific situation in some vague generalities, Moo. Come clean! What sort of signals have you been perceiving from this unhappy-in-her-current-relationship woman?

  2. clara

    Some women do stay in relationships they might not be happy with, often simply because they’re afraid of being single – not that they would admit it of course. I know of women that constantly bitch about how unhappy they are and how their partner isn’t the way they want or would like him to be, and they toy with the idea of leaving but never do. They threaten, rant and rave to anyone that will listen, but never follow through. So what’s the point?

    Would you really want to be with someone like that? Is life long enough to waste your time with a whinger?

    Is it really fair to stay with a partner just because you’re afraid you won’t find someone else once you’re single?

  3. Jeremy

    Some girls really know how to bring out the Superman complex in guys while playing the Game. Don’t deny it, every guy wants to be the hero (“YATTA!”) or knight in shining armour. So, I think two more questions that should be asked are “Is she worth it and is she playing me?”

  4. jl

    You’re right about the karma thing. You know that you’ll always have to worry about someone ‘stealing’ your partner, not just because you stole her once but because you know that she’s the type who likes to hedge her bets.

  5. mooiness Post author

    Lad Litter: nah, nothing of the sort. My cousin and I were shooting the breeze, talking hypotheticals. 🙂

    brunette: and you’d be right. I don’t like having to “read signs” or indulge in mind games.

    clara: no, a whinger is no good either. And as for them being afraid of single life, it shows that they are not really at ease with themselves and that makes it hard to stay with them in the long run. Hey, I never said that these women were perfect girlfriend material. 😉

    Jeremy: oh man that is so true. Both your questions are valid. I don’t like playing or being played. I just hate the whole process of it.

    jl: true that, she’d be always on the watch out.

  6. LupinTan

    Given that, It’s still no reason for going after someone who is attach.

    Imagine the emotional baggage the other person have while considering whether or not to move on.

    It’s not so much of Karma. Think about this. If he/she can move on just like that from one relationship to another when the current relationship turns sour, the probablity of he/she moving on to another is very high.

  7. blur ting

    It takes all kinds of people to make this world. Every situation is different. A woman may be very unhappy in her relationship but does nothing to change it because she’s fearful (it takes a lot of courage to walk out especially if the other party is domineering), lazy (starting a new life/relationship takes a lot of work), or simply resigned to fate (thinking that it is her responsibility to stick around and make it work) or she’s the type who simply drifts along in any kind of relationship.

    You won’t know who’s in a bad relationship until you know the person better. Whether she wants to make a change or not is another matter. She may know the existing relationship’s not good for her but is not ready to make a change. You may be able to talk her around and win her heart but unless she’s ready, she may always wonder if she had made the right decision in leaving her old relationship.

    It all boils down to the character of that person. I believe there is no stereotyping in this case.

  8. steph

    Two questions- Do you really want to be with the type of woman who can’t be without a man? Someone who doesn’t value themself enough to stand alone? It shows a level of immaturity and insecurity that could be hard to deal with.

    And also, do you want to be Mr Rebound guy?

  9. mooiness Post author

    Lupin: that is why I have still held on to my original principles. Though blur ting makes a good point.

    blur ting: like everything else in life, it’s all a crap shoot. So yeah I agree – I don’t believe that just because a relationship was started this way, it is necessarily a bad one or will fail.

    steph: agreed – I don’t want to be someone’s emotional crutch. It gets really tiring.

    herman: as long as you don’t put your heart into it, why not?!

  10. sourrain

    I agree with steph & clara. I know of women like these, the main, if not only, reason that they hang on in bad relationships is the fear of being alone, the fear of being unloved. Yes, women previously thought unavailable might not be as unavailable as it seems, but neither would you want them if they were available!

    I really can’t stand women like that, because they always cheat. Why? They want someone to ‘rescue’ them, and will only leave the current relationship if they had succesfully seduced another man = cheating.

    And if you manage to lure her away, imagine if it doesnt work out she still won’t leave you until she finds another ‘sui yee’

  11. mooiness Post author

    herman: well, that can come even from an exclusive relationship. 😉

    sourrain / dreymer: yeah which is why although the theory sounds good and all, I’m probably going to stick to my good old ways – as successful as they have been! Hahahah.

  12. blur ting

    I forgot to mention about the rebound period. You probably know alot about this already. That said, I guess you still need to give her time before she’s ready to love again.

  13. Dabido

    If they cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you.

    Make sure they break up and are 100% available before you make a move on them.

    Too many guys I’ve heard make comments like ‘they don’t care if a women they like has a BF or is married etc’, and they make a move. It can be quite annoying when a persistent person keeps badgering claiming that you or your GF / BF etc are unhappy when you’re not.

    But, all relationships go through tough times. Just because person A is unhappy doesn’t mean they’ll put up with anything person B does just to be a couple. If they do, it’s usually because of a self esteem problem. Better to help their esteem and get them to make the right move [ ie leave person B they are unhappy with] than to be the ‘other person’. [Because like they say, if they cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you].

    I know I was told by LOTS of people to make a move on a married woman at work years ago [even by my boss], but I wouldn’t. Her an her husband ended up breaking up, and then his brain clicked into gear and they got back together and were very happy. [Imagine if I’d run off with her and then she or I dumped each other. I would have broken up a marriage which was just going through a troubled spot rather than helping keep them together].

    But, if you REALLY like someone and you know they want an OUT from a relationship [if they mention it and it’s not just hearsay], then you can always make it clear you’d wait for them to ‘complete’ the relationship BEFORE you make a move on them. Starting a relationship with an ‘unresolved relationship’ hanging over you can be pretty daunting and can even lead to the new relationship breaking up.

  14. girlstar7

    I read this first and was all ready to make a comment, but I think everything I want to say has been said. I pretty much agree with Steph: a) do you want a woman who can’t be on her own and b) you would be the rebound guy
    I’ve got a friend who is EXACTLY like this. She stays in unsatisfying relationships and cheats, but refuses to end them cause she doesn’t want to be on her own. I don’t understand it, and I tell her what I think, but hey, it’s her life!

  15. mooiness Post author

    blur ting: oh yeah I know the rebound period – unless of course, the previous relationship has been coasting on neutral for a very long time. And no, I’m not going to encourage her to cheat. Which brings me to …

    Dabido: no, I would never go with a woman if she hasn’t resolved her present situation yet. And nope, not gonna help someone cheat on their partners either – no matter how deserving it may seem for the other guy.

    girlstar7: yeah it’s good that the topic generated this discussion. Everyone makes very logical arguments. Though sometimes logic fails us when we are not thinking straight, only the fool would repeat the same mistake twice. 🙂

  16. WaterLearner

    It takes courage and effort for a person to move out of a relationship. It take a lot of wisdom and inner strength to know when and how to do it.

    Things of the heart can be such difficult things to handle. Sometimes only the parties involved would know best. At other times, the parties involved are the most blinded ones due to the presence of heated emotions.

    But I think if a relationship does not work. It’s best to move out and move on. ASAP!


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