Cracked.com is one of my daily reads. It’s a typical comedy site with silly blog posts and videos. But it’s mainstay and the best parts of the site are numbered lists of random nonsense with titles like: “5 Movie Martial Artists That Lost a Deathmatch to Dignity“, “The 9 Most Racist Disney Characters“, and “The Ten Horror Movie Franchises…THAT WOULDN’T DIE!!“. You get the idea.
I list here my three favourites.
- The 9 Most Badass Bible Verses. One example that they talked about is II Kings 2:23-24 which go like this:
2:23 And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.
2:24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.
Their opinion of it?
We’ve all been there. You’re walking along, minding your own business, when a gang of cocky, young bastards start hurling abuse at you. Most of us would just keep walking, or maybe, yell some insults back or flip them the bird. Elisha (commonly regarded as the Luke Skywalker to the Prophet Elijah’s Obi-Wan Kenobi), however, decides to take it one step further. Invoking the name of God, he summons motherfucking bears to come and claw the shit out of them.
More holy scriptures awesomeness on the post.
- The Best (Worst) Fantasy & Science Fiction Book Covers.
What kind of fantastic world is this, where snowmobiles are towed along by tiny polar bears? Oh, what adventures they must have in this ridiculous fucking land!
Little known fact: every one of these polar bears is named ‘Wesley.’
And err, Moorcock. Hee hee. More campy cheesiness on the post.
- How To Write the Ultimate Chick Flick. Their idea of a chick-flick consists a combination of any of the following:
- Deadly disease
- Flawed boyfriend
- 60’s soul sing-along
- Strained mother-daughter relationship
- Matthew McConaughey or Richard Gere
- Someone else’s wedding
- Room full of flowers (balloons optional)
- Damaging/Trashing the guy’s property
- No fart jokes
#6 and #8 are especially true. Nothing that a woman loves more than to see other women being bitchy and catty, and nothing brings that out more than those two things. It’s true! See the post for the full reasonings of those points above.
Be warned: the site’s a big time-waster.